With Every Breath Let Us Worship

On the Feet of a Father

2012-01-19T19:37:00.000-08:00

At this moment I am reminded of when I was a little girl. I would go visit my grandparents, though I understood not how precious that time was. Today, I sit here as a woman who learned much from her grandparents love for one another and specifically my grandfather's heart for his granddaughters. Oh how I miss him and his joy, his laughter; the tears it brings.

The day of his funeral my cousin Jared brought a picture he had drawn, a picture of a little girl standing on a grandfather's feet. It was a perfect memory that each of us granddaughter's had. My grandfather would take us, put our feet on his, and dance to a tune all his own. A song he made up just for those moments. I am so glad I have those moments because they are perfect reminders of the Father's love for us.

My grandfather placed me on his feet that he may lead, that I may follow. I believe the Father does also. He places our feet on His feet. He leads us in a dance all His own to a song special for each son or daughter. Its a beautiful dance, a journey unique to each of us. I believe that the Lord wants to meet each of His children in this way. He calls us to himself and asks us to be His, to give everything in return for life and life abundantly.

Let go and dance with the Father. Let Him love you deeply and call you unto Himself. It is a journey of guidance, faith, hope, mystery, depth, purpose, calling, glory, joy, laughter, trials, temptations, grace, mercy, power, Spirit, growth, intimacy, and LOVE. That sounds like a beautiful journey to me.

“I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. ¹⁰ When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love." -John 15:9-10

Rest in that Scripture. Meditate on it.

Deeply Rooted. Fishers of men.

2012-01-07T23:52:00.000-08:00

Ezekiel 47:6-12

⁶ He asked me, “Have you been watching, son of man?” Then he led me back along the riverbank. ⁷ When I returned, I was surprised by the sight of many trees growing on both sides of the river. ⁸ Then he said to me, “This river flows east through the desert into the valley of the Dead Sea.The waters of this stream will make the salty waters of the Dead Sea fresh and pure. ⁹ There will be swarms of living things wherever the water of this river flows. Fish will abound in the Dead Sea, for its waters will become fresh. Life will flourish wherever this water flows. ¹⁰Fishermen will stand along the shores of the Dead Sea. All the way from En-gedi to En-eglaim, the shores will be covered with nets drying in the sun. Fish of every kind will fill the Dead Sea, just as they fill the Mediterranean.¹¹ But the marshes and swamps will not be purified; they will still be salty. ¹² Fruit trees of all kinds will grow along both sides of the river. The leaves of these trees will never turn brown and fall, and there will always be fruit on their branches. There will be a new crop every month, for they are watered by the river flowing from the Temple. The fruit will be for food and the leaves for healing.”

Tonight this Scripture came alive to me as I was praying for people at Awakening. I read it before service and it stuck with me. I first want to point to verse 6 where Ezekiel is asked, "Have you been watching, son of man?" To preface the entirety of this post, I must explain the Scripture as a whole. Ezekiel is being taken on walk-through of where the stream leads. Throughout the vision, Ezekiel walks through and into the water. The man in the vision then poses the question in verse 6, which reminds me of how aware we must be of what the Lord is doing around us at all times.

Verses 7 to 12, the man explains what the river's purpose is.

The river brings life, growth, expansion, bears fruit, refreshes, renews and restores.

I know draw a parallel to John 7:37-38 which says, " ³⁷ On the last day, the climax of the festival, Jesus stood and shouted to the crowds, “Anyone who is thirsty may come to me! ³⁸ Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, ‘Rivers of living water will flow from his heart."

Also, another scripture that this brings to mind is John 15:1-8 which says, “I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. ² He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. ³ You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. ⁴ Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.

⁵ “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. ⁶ Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned. ⁷ But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! ⁸When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my Father."

Yes, both of these scriptures speak of Jesus and the Holy Spirit that dwells within us today. Going back to Ezekiel 47, I want to walk through the revelation I had. Look back at all of bold and underlined words that I have made. These words should speak so deeply to this generation of believers. We are at a vital point where an outbreak of revival across the nations is beginning. It is a renewing, a refreshing. The beauty of this Scripture comes with the parallels of the Scriptures in John. Without the river of living water (Holy Spirit) and remaining in the vine (Christ), we can never fully walk in the ways of the Lord.

Several things come to mind when I think of a tree growing beside a river. The first is the tree will produce abundantly for it is rooted at the edge of the river. The second is the depth of the roots. The roots of a tree near the river are deep and are filled continually by the water of the river.

Image with me for a minute that you are a tree rooted beside a river. You would never thirst, have fresh and pure water, you would produce much fruit, and your leaves would never turn because of the vast nutrients you receive daily. This is the picture we should have for our walk with the Lord. He did call us "oaks of righteousness" in Isaiah 61. We should daily seek the Holy Spirit and immerse ourselves in the Lord's presence. We should be confident for our roots run deeply and we receive directly from the source. The vine, which is Christ, that is part of the tree brings it to life even more, producing even more fruit.

How much fruit we bear is important.

However, we must acknowledge that there are many different types of fruit; some may bear physically and others spiritually. Do not be ashamed of the fruit you bear for it is of the Kingdom if you are drawing near to the River.

We believers must take the Scripture and write it on our heart, ingest it. We must hunger and thirst for the things of the Lord. The more we seek, the more we hunger and thirst. The more this generation hungers and thirsts, the more restoration, freedom, salvation, peace, joy, goodness, light, and life will come into this world. Once we are filled, we cannot help but to pour out to the people around us.

Finally, I want to talk about how this river in Ezekiel 47 purified and refreshed the waters of the Dead Sea. It caused it to come alive. We are called as men and women of God to be bold and speak life into those surrounding us. This purifying and refreshing of the waters caused life to come and fish reenter the waters. In Mark 1:17, the Scripture says, "Then Jesus said to them, “Follow Me, and I will make you become fishers of men.”" This parallels to the multitude of nets on the shore with fish in them. These fish are in my opinion the men that Christ spoke to His disciples. We are called to cast our nets for the Kingdom. To some of you reading this the previous statement may sound cheesy, but I am oh so serious. We are called to do more than just receive, receive, receive. We are called to pour out. Therefore, we are the fishermen, as well as, the trees. Ha. That sounds a bit odd. We must do both in order to walk in the will of the Lord. Therefore, each separately is a position we have in the Kingdom. We must constantly be rooted in the river and be casting out our nets for the men and women of this world to grab onto. As they come to shore, they can also become deeply rooted in the river.

I pray that this post has come together to make since. I know I moved around quite a lot, but this Scripture continues to blow me away.

Here is the prayer I have for all of you.

Oh Lord, give us fresh revelation daily of your Word. Let it come alive to us and be new. I pray, Oh Lord, that you will bring clarity and vision to those who cannot see, patience and rest to those who cannot hear, and peace for those who cannot speak. I pray Lord that you would prepare this generation to abide in the River. Let Your River flow over our roots and awaken the branches to bear fruit. Lord, purify and prune us that we may be used more than ever before. Strengthen us that we may stand in the midst of the storms, floods, and trials. Oh God, may we be still and also cry out to You. As in Ecclesiastes 3, there is a time for everything. Let us know and discern which is this. Thank you Father for the revelation of Your Word and the truth it brings. Thank you Lord for this year ahead of us. May it be a year of abundance and blessing. Holy Spirit may we find rest in you. Amen.

The Truth of Love (Letting Go)

2011-11-30T21:55:00.001-08:00

I write this as a woman in a season of great transition. I cannot say for sure whether or not the decisions I am making are one hundred percent His will. This puts me in a sticky situation. Tonight I was watching an episode of my favorite girly TV show and I realized sometimes true love comes in the letting go. It comes in the moment when you must abandon yourself, losing all you thought you were in order to find who you truly are.

This epiphany may not be new to some but to me it is oh so real. My heart aches knowing that I have missed the beauty of true love for so long. Throughout my life there have been hints here and there. There have been moments when my Papa has shown me His love in enormous ways. There have been moments when it is simple and pure. Last night the Lord revealed to me true love. He made me realize that no single person can make me whole. No person can “complete me.” (Remember that scene in Jerry McGuire). In the midst of rush of life when papers, presentations, and work consume my every day, I must take a moment and rest in True Love’s arms. All of this may seem cheesy to you but it is not to me. It is a lovely piece to the puzzle of my life.

Without much revealing, I will let you into the last few months of my life. I have been growing at a rapid pace in the Lord even when I seem to feel stagnant. The wisdom that I have received, the rest and peace I have needed are all around me now. I am at a point in my life where I am truly becoming the woman of God I have been created to be. I can honestly say it has not come easy and that one life situation in particular has accelerated it very much. Many of you have no idea what I am eluding to, while others read this with such knowledge. Regardless, my life is being transformed, tested, refined, restored, and renewed.

The LOVE of the Father never fails, is always faithful, is pure and true, runs deep, calls us closer, and cannot wait to embrace us. The reality is that God is always present in our lives, in the good and bad. Even in the midst of His judgement and correction, He loves. Oh the beauty of Him, the One who cleansed and purified me with His blood.

The world has created a picture of love that is half truth. Some get it right, others do not. It is something you can fall in and out of, it is a lust, it is temporary, it is “romance,” it is...you can fill in the blank. Read the paragraph before this one again.

Doesn’t it make you redefine “true love.” True love is self-sacrificing, surrendered, pure, patient, enduring, and I could go on and on and on. Just look throughout Scripture at the beautiful love that is portrayed in the Prophets, the Gospels, or the books to the Church.

Now is the time to step into a surrendered life. There is a song that continues to fill my mind, as well as, I Surrender All. It is the Will Reagan song, “Climb.”

Lyrics: “I lean not on my own understanding, my life is in the hands of the Maker of Heaven./ I give it all to you God, trusting that You’ll make something beautiful out of me./I will climb this mountain with hands wide open...There’s nothing I hold on to.”

Rest in the fact that the Father wants all of you. He wants to know you, for you to “Abide” in Him. (John 15). Don’t wait. Do not let your desires overwhelm you. The desires of a human relationship, success, power, etc. Let His desires be yours. Let your life be His. I am learning this all just as you are/will. I cannot say I have it down, but I am beginning to see how perfect His love and will for my life is. Regardless of how I want things to happen, I must trust that the Lord in His righteousness will lead me on His perfect path for my life.

I am no longer my own. I have become the Father’s. I have found myself. I can see my destiny. I am called and full of purpose. I leave all my failures at His throne. I turn away from evil things. I embrace His goodness. I seek His True and Unfailing LOVE.

By the way, I am not saying that certain things may not be desires placed in your heart by the Father. I am saying that we must trust in His will for our lives to know where He is leading. We must not hold on to anything...a person, a plan, family, a friendship, a job, a talent, a gifting, nothing. Be at peace knowing that the Lord is leading you. Be at peace knowing that if you set your eyes upon His glorious countenance, your (His) desires will be fulfilled.

Proverbs 3:1-6

But let your heart keep my commands;

2 For length of days and long life

And peace they will add to you.

3 Let not mercy and truth forsake you;

Bind them around your neck,

Write them on the tablet of your heart,

4 And so find favor and high esteem

In the sight of God and man.

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding;

6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He shall direct your paths.

Be Thou Exalted

2011-11-11T11:05:00.001-08:00

"O God, be thou exalted over my possessions. Nothing of earth's treasures shall seem dear unto me if only Thou art glorified in my life. Be Thou exalted over my friendships. I am determined that Thou shalt be above all, though I must stand deserted and alone in the midst of the earth. Be Thou exalted above my comforts. Though it men the loss of bodily comforts and the carrying of heavy crosses I shall keep my vow made this day before Thee. Be Thou exalted over my reputation. Make me ambitious to please Thee even if as a result I must sink into obscurity and my name be forgotten as a dream. Rise, O Lord, into Thy proper place of honor, above my ambitions, above my likes and dislikes, above my family, my health and even my life itself. Let me decrease that Though mayest increase, let me sink that Thou mayest rise above. Ride forth upon me as Thou didst ride into Jerusalem mounted upon the humble little beast, a colt, the foal of an ass, and let me hear the children cry to Thee, 'Hosanna in the highest.'"

This is a prayer written in Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer. I do not have anything to add to it for I believe we shall be men and women of Truth, if we understand that He is exalted above all else in our lives.

Meditate on this.

Love,

Meg

Focus not Fear.

2011-11-03T14:28:00.000-07:00

The last month and a half has been one of a lot of subtle revelation that has just begin to settle in. I will begin with the fact that I have had two car wrecks. This may not seem important but it came with deep revelation. Both times I was not focused on the road ahead of me as I should have been. Yesterday my friend said that every time he sees my car or my kind of car, a Ford FOCUS, he is reminded of the necessary need to focus. With these things in mind, I will let you know where I have been in my walk with the Lord. It seems that there is a lot of distraction and worry that has come my way. All of these will be conquered of course.

I am what I would consider a control freak...not the way we would normally define it. I am in the sense of my relationship with God. All of my life I have controlled situations, circumstances to the best of my ability until I could not anymore, until I had to give it to God. I had nowhere else to turn to. Over the last two years, I have begun to realize how much I cannot do it on my own. I have realized that the Lord is my Strength, my Defender, my Help, my Counselor, my Father. These last two months have been of great exception. There has been particular situations in which I want to control, thinking that I am capable of handling this on my own. Ha.

That my friends is a lie.

All of these situations have made me realize that I have been controlled by the spirit of fear for such a long time. Fear is like a house of mirrors you would go to at the fair. All of the mirrors distort your vision, make you uncertain of how to walk through, and gives you a feeling of panic. This is how I view it at least. When fear has a control in your life, you do not focus like you should. You begin to make decisions for yourself without any counsel from the Lord. You begin to use defense mechanisms so people cannot get close to you, become an emotional mess, etc. This has been a huge part of my life over the last ten years. I would not recommend it to anyone.

I did not realize that fear was at the root until a beautiful woman of God in my life, Deena, called it out (this was in August). Ever since that day, the revelation that I have been driven by fear has become such a reality. It also has shown me how I've kept God at an arm's length. I would not have to overcome some of those deep issues within my heart in fear that if I did, I would lose myself and fear that He would hurt me in some way. All of these are lies. I understand that in my mind, but overcoming them has been a challenge. It will continue to be that way until I am willing to lay it all down.

Let me jump back into the true topic of dicussion: Focus. That word should dominate my life. Instead of focusing on the issues, the circumstances, the solutions, I should be focusing on my wonderful Father and Counselor. I am in need of setting my eyes upon His glorious face. I am in need of letting Him embrace me so I can hear His heartbeat. I want more of Him so much. Focus is the only way I can accomplish any of this.

I tell you of how I have lived, I speak of what I must do, in order for you to avoid these same issues. I encourage you to devote your whole life to God, the good and the bad. No matter what God will have your best interest in mind. He desires that you may have life and life abundantly. =) Just press into Him. Today is the beginning of a new way of life of me. A way of life where God is my focus and everything else will fall in line.

God, let us be men and women that have our eyes set on you. Men and women who do not worry for tomorrow, but are confident in today. Let us devote our lives to you wholly without hesitation. Let us be consumers of Your Word, seekers of Your heart, lovers of Your presence. Let us be lovers of prayer and warriors for your Kingdom. Let our goal not be the calling but a deep relationship with You. Let us not be self-seeking. Oh God! May we cry out in our secret place, removing the darkness for more of YOU! Amen.

We shall be of those who wait

2011-10-18T13:16:00.000-07:00

The reality that the Lord has called us to greater things often catches off guard. We find ourselves completely unprepared for the journey ahead, realizing that we alone cannot overcome anything without Him, our Protector, Comforter, Strength, and Life. He brings us to a place where we see that we must lay everything down. Our willingness to do so allows Him to capture our hearts and consume our everything thought and action. We see the present us. The people that we are now, completely unprepared for the call on our lives. God sees the mature and prepared us, the ones He is shaping and molding.

This is where we can get ourselves into trouble. If we do not understand that God must prepare us and shape us, we might try to do things on our own; a problem I see many people face (myself included). We get excited about the future and decide to rush into the call He has. I believe He understands the passion we have, laughs because we are trying to do it again on our own, and waits for us to realize how silly we are for thinking we could.

I cannot imagine being the person I am today without the Lord’s help. He alone healed my wounds, renewed and restored my mind, continuing to do so daily. The desires, the call He has placed on my life is bigger than I can imagine. It involves more than I can comprehend both in physical and spiritual senses. Am I ready? Probably not right now. Is He teaching me daily who I am and what I am to be for others? Yes. Is He guiding me on the paths of righteousness He has set before me, calling me deeper? YES.

I am not saying in any way that I’ve got this whole relationship with God down pat. I don’t. I am discovering the need for Him I have. Some weeks when I seem to make a million commitments and do not stop for a moment of precious quiet time with Him, I realize how much I need Him. How much He loves me. He is passionate about me, about the desires He’s placed in me, about the people He has placed in my life.

It is amazing how God changes up the way He encourages and speaks to my spirit. Sometimes it is through the Word, other times in the midst of prayer or writing. Lately, it has been through words of encouragement from other people. Anyways, that was a random digression. I really just wanted to express the thoughts I had on the call He has for us.

He does not want us to live in the future but for the future. What I mean is He delights in our daily growth that prepares us for future endeavors. Ha. Endeavors might not be the best word, but its only one I can come up with at the moment. We must share in daily, present relationship with Him. We cannot hope to obtain something deeper with Him without action. We cannot move without Him moving first nor speak without Him speaking first.

We must be willing to live a Psalm 46:10 life. A beautiful quote by A.W. Tozer from his book Pursuit of God is: “Whoever will listen will hear the speaking Heaven...Religion has accepted the monstrous heresy that noise, size, activity, and bluster make a man dear to God. But we may take heart. To a people caught in the tempest of the last great conflict God says, ‘ Be still and know that I AM God,’ and still He says it, as if He means to tell us that our strength and safety lie not in noise but in silence.” I am not saying that every moment with the Lord will be in silence. We must have communion with Him daily, celebrating His goodness, and praising His name. Many times though, we do not wait patiently upon the Lord for an answer but assume that the first opportunity that comes our way is what the Lord has for us. This may be true in some cases, but I believe more often than not that we are simply not waiting for the best. We are settling for the good things and not waiting.

Let us be diligent in the things He has placed in our lives now, not squandering away precious time. Let us be a people that live a Matthew 6:33 life. Let us be patient, waiting for the best, opening our hearts and minds to His Kingdom.

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” -Matthew 6:33

Take a moment this week to wait on the Lord; let Him teach you, mold you, and guide you.

A few verses on waiting:

Psalm 27:14

Psalm 130:5

Isaiah 8:17

Proverbs 8

Let Him....

2011-07-06T20:01:00.000-07:00

Hosea 1-14
Romans 9

Why do we turn so often to unsatisfying idols that bring no answer to our hearts yearning? Why do we have whore ourselves out to the world's great treasures, all the while distracting us from our self destruction? Have we forgotten to trust the Lord and stand upon His great promises? So many times daily we fall short in the eyes of the Lord, yet there is grace. That phrase, "yet there is grace" seems to be our cop out of changing our ways and coming to true repentance. Yes, Jesus died that we may know grace though He did not come that we might both serve Him and money. Matthew 6 verse 24 says, "You cannot serve both God and money." We say that we have committed fully to a relationship while holding back the entirety of who we are from Him.

If we were to abandon ourselves, we would have to deal with hurts, pain, betrayal, sin, and give up our desires. How is that bad? We find it to be so often because being vulnerable is something of weakness. If we show "weakness" to God then surely man will disapprove. When will we learn that man's approval is fleeting and its hold on us is weak. The approval of our God, on the other hand, is great and strong. Oh how often in Scripture He shows us His great love, yet we run away.

We do not want to face fear and cast it our because it has become so common. Pride has become a friend and gluttony its companion. Oh how vile those things are that lead to destruction yet we cling to them as if they were the richest treasure. Will our blinded eyes ever see the TRUTH? Will we ever seek the REAL GOD? The only God?

I believe there is HOPE, the joyful anticipation for good. Let us lay down our desires and our 10-year plans and seek the King of Kings and Lord of Lords!! Let us abandon ourselves at His throne and deal with all of our junk. Let Him embrace us and heal us. Let Him woo us and correct us. Let God BE God. Let Him direct our paths and lead us to our destinies. Let Him break the chains of worldly things and lay a foundation of LOVE. Let Him renew us and show us His ways. May Psalm 119 be the anthem of our hearts and humble repentance a daily task. Let us build up TRUST in Him who sinless took His life for our own. Let us no longer be whores to the world but the Bride, spotless and pure for the Bridegroom.

Love you all!

Boundless Love

2011-03-30T22:30:00.000-07:00

Insecurity is bred from the lie that "I'm alone."

It rears its ugly head when youi feel lost to the stories of close friends.

Jealousy its twin is in on the lie.

Who can you trust?

You think no one, but there is hope.

Hope for freedom from the daughters of the Father of Lies.

Freedom from his lie of loneliness.

The Father of Heaven calls to you saying,

"I'm always here and always have been."

You fall to yoru knees, leaving the

Dark family behind you.

You find rest in the sweet embrace of Your King.

He says, "Let me pour out my love into those empty places

that you may know I am yours and you mine."

She cries, "Yes, Father!" with tears of joy streaming down her face.

In the Depths...

2011-02-21T13:20:00.000-08:00

Reckless abandon. That my friends is my definition of what true worship is. Let's define these two words according to Dictionary.com:

reckless: utterly unconcerned about the consequences of some action; without caution

abandon: to forsake completely; desert; leave behind

These two words apart from each other seem nothing of a positive light, but let's look at them from a life of worship standpoint. When you are in a state of reckless abandon, you are without any caution deserting the current way of life and losing yourself. Now of course this can seem irrational but living your life this way is something of purpose.

The defintion of worship is this: to be devoted to and full of admiration for. This definition renders a new light to my revelation of worship. When you are in reckless abandon to God, you are completely undone in His Presence at all times and are allowing Him to work in and through your life.

My one goal in life is to completely embody what worship is. Yes, I will be working my entire life learning, growing, and becoming deeper in His wonder because it is a journey. I do not think when we say worship we truly understand what that means. The church we know today has made worship "a service." I wonder if we could all stop for a moment and look in the Word of God to see what true worship is. The definition I expressed above is something heavy for us to look at. The world's dictionary has defined worship as "to be devoted and full admiration for" in our case God. Wow. That makes you think doesn't it. There is a lot more to worship then going to a service one or twice a week, disintereseted you read Your Word without seeking revelation, praying just because its your "duty" to God, and serving others because that's what it takes to be accepted by God.

Ha. I laugh at the thought of this religion, this "duty" to God. It is not a "duty," its a relationship. I know many of you reading this already know what I am saying because we walk in the knowledge that we are to be in relationship. Okay, so if we comprehend with our minds that its a relationship, does that mean that its a relationship? The answer to that question is no. There is a heart change. We cannot expect do know (in the depths of our spirits and hearts) what a relationship with God is if we do not recklessly abandon ourselves to Him. Is this all making sense now? I hope so.

I am beginning to see a shift from knowledge and understanding of mind to a change and deep understanding in heart in this generation. We are beginning to grasp what a real and true relationship is. I know there are many in the generations before that have grasped it but this is bigger than ever before. For all of this to begin taking life, we must position ourselves fully to God where we are unable to be out of His Presence. When worship becomes the entirety of life, change will begin to occur because as we are being filled. We will also obediently and boldly pour out.

Out of this deep, fully, surrendered relationship the bride of Christ will be vessels of revival. Revival is defined as an instance of returning to life or consciousness; restoration of vigour or vitality. This excites my soul. We talk about "revival" all the time but the essence of it is awakening the spirit within us for pursuit. Only once we've been awakened to our new lives and self, then and only then will we will be able to have a deep relationship with God where worship is just a way of life....from that brings obedience and revival! GET IT! GOT IT! GOOD!

Let us all start to seek the Lord in the quiet place. In Psalm 46: 10 God calls us to, "Be still and acknowledge (experience) that I am God." Therefore, a relationship with God is not always loud, charismatic worship but the solitude of resting and waiting in His holiness. Waiting is a word that not many people like to hear when it comes to their relationship with God because they want instantaneous results.....if they would only wait He would begin to pour out the heaviness of His glory.....revealing to them that His plans are better than theirs and His love is deeper than anything imaginable.

Now that I have said all this. Position yourself in reckless abandon during worship. During worship means at all times and in all things. Be still (waiting patiently) and know (in the depths) that He is God. Be filled and pour out obediently...

BE REVIVAL!

I love you all and I hope that this sets in your spirits well. Allow the Lord to take hold your life (past, present, and future), allow Him to make you whole and release freedom in your life. I pray that the Lord begins to reveal to you who He is and who you are as you intimately walk with Him. Before I leave you, I want to talk to you about intimacy. One definiton of intimacy is inmost; deep within. With that in mind and heart, when you are in relationship with God, it requires intimacy.

Intimacy + Identity= Relationship with God + Obedience= Revival, Restoration, Freedom.

Peace. Hope. Love. Joy. Freedom.

A Victim Broken in Sin

2010-12-05T12:32:00.000-08:00

False emotions

Lustful thoughts

Violent action of the mind.

Like a caged an animal trapped in a reality all her own.

Not knowing when her next fix will come

And who her next victim will be.

Without a thought she strikes again

Thinking the healing will begin.

She knows not that it's all a numbing agent,

Only making the darkness ensnare her evermore.

She holds her head high seeming confident and strong

But is a broken creature underneath composed of guilt, shame, pain, and hurt.

Only she knows the heaviness of her soul,

A product of being played with like a ragdoll or used like someone's favorite drug.

She can taste freedom amid the numbing but lacks the voice to want it.

Trapped in silence and chaos, this girl just wants to be heard

All the years of misuse of mind, heart, and body will be heard.

Be heard so she may leap off of this cliff of freedom she so desperately needs.

Is anyone there to help besides good ole' Jack and the random stranger?

"Yes!," says a voice in her ear like the whisper of the wind.

It is the Father of the universe and her life.

Will she ask who or just understand in her soul it is her true lover.

That only he can spread light into the darkness of her soul and heal this broken girl.

He continues to call and as she hears, the enemy grows ever near,

Telling her she deserves it all and that life means nothing at all.

She holds on to the gleaming hope that she may overcome.

The fear.

The pain.

The darkness.

Be Bold or Lose Heart

2010-11-30T19:01:00.000-08:00

There is path to freedom that seems all to easy at the start, yet the journey is harder than anyone plans. We must know that the journey to freedom allows us to become the man or woman the Lord has for us. There is a song that has becomeo a cry to me, "No other name has overcome. No other name. No other King has conquered all. No other name. We won't be silent anymore, anymore. We won't be quiet anymore, anymore."

I have to say that that song has brought a new boldness in me to speak out the name of Christ and continually seek freedom. There are many days when I lose sight of that place of seeking and I fall back into fear of man and shame. The things that I have gone through might not seem like a kind of hell in the physical realm but in the mind they truly are. The pain and hurt I have experienced during my life has shaped me to the person I am today. Someone who has been unwilling to let Christ light up the dark places in my life and heal, but a person who has allowed the darkness to reign over me like a thick cloud of impending doom.

There are times when it seems like there is no end in sight and that I will never win the battle. In those times I revert to my old ways of numbing the pain through finding love in a worldly way and alcohol. Of course, I can say there has never been a time when alcohol has been a crutch in a need, but it has been a place where I can forget my worries from time to time. Something I came to realize last night at Bible Study is that I have been on this "precipice of freedom" for a long time with many of the issues I have been dealing with but haven't been bold enough to stand up, speak out, and be wililng to step off the edge. I was talking to my friend Jenn in the midst of my spirit being very broken and troubled by some life events that have brought to surface a piece of my life I have not even begun tread on. At that moment, I realized that I must be willing to have courage to walk in victory.

Here is a revelation I had yesterday also, "You have victory over the circumstances in your life, but you must be willing to walk in it."

WOW! That was like getting an atomic bomb to me. I already have the victory, I must choose to walk in it and overcome the darkness in my life by walking into the light with my God, my Father. There are not words to describe the healing that is going to take place these next few weeks and the pain I am going to deal with and take care of with the help of my friends and my lover.

I just want to encourage you all that victory and freedom are in your midst, you have a choice: Do you keep living in this mediocre world of pain and brokenness or do you stand up, speak out, and take that leap of faith? I can say for myself only that I have for others but lack it for myself many a time. Its almost like I am punishing myself for choices and decisions I have made, thinking that I am not worth God's time to heal because I am not. That my friends is called shame...something else I must overcome with His help alone.

I am at the beginning of my journey and it has been a wild ride so far these last several years. I have encountered God in so many ways and He has opened up my heart that I may be able to receive His healing love. He has brought light to much darkness and is continuing to do so, as well as, restoring my broken places.

Something else has been on my mind since our discussion at Bible Study and it is the concept of Luke 6:46-49 which says, "⁴⁶ “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? ⁴⁷ As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like. ⁴⁸ They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. ⁴⁹ But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.”

This is the story of the wise and foolish builders and it is much the path we must choose to walk. Will be dig a deep foundation where inquities pass away as it becomes solid, or do we try and live a life without depth that does not deal with our issues. I know this might sound obsurd to some, but I want you to see what I am saying. I am someone who is working hard to dig a deep foundation built on the solid rock foundation of Christ. Think the solidity of rock and the shiftiness of sand. If I choose to live a life where I am not digging a rock solid foundation then when the storms come I will be shaken and knocked down. My friend Lauren has told me many times, "I want you to be so solid and founded that you won't be shaken when the little things come." Hmm..when this Scripture came into discussion, I realized that what she has told me a time or two is exactly this story. She wants me to be solid and firm,while right now I am shaky because my foundation is still being dug. I told Jenn last night that I feel like I having to dig mine with a toothpick, which I may add is almost impossible with rock and would take a very long time. Now it is time to tie in the beginning of my blog which is the seeking of freedom and walking in victory. The more you do these things, the more I do these things, the deeper I foundation will become and the closer to the Rock we will be.

With all of this in mind, think about your walk, the path you have chosen and whether you want a deep foundation full of goodness or a foundation that can be shaken. Pray about it.

A Lamp Hidden or Standing Tall?

2010-11-17T13:48:00.000-08:00

Imagine yourself in a moment where everything stops and becomes utterly still. The universe is in awe of the beautiful power of God. You look up to the heavens after living years on this earth and fine it average that millions of stars are gleaming in the midst of a dark night. That the moon is glowing brightly to bring light to an otherwise dismal evening. Its powerful rays give the ability to view the ground at our feet, yet we are no awestruck by this lone beaming object in the sky. Why? Because we have become so used to the simple yet mecessary gifts he has given us. We see no wonder though we should be in awe praising His name and thanking Him for His goodness to us. =)

Now think about this: What would a night be without the bright stars and the gleaming moon? Compare yourself with the moonlit night and how necessary we are for God's plan. How our lives should leave imprints in others' lives. We are called to be a light in the darkness, the moon amid a dark night. In Matthew 5:14, Jesus says, "You are the light of the world --- like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden..." which should prompt a thought here...am I being the light of Christ?

He continues in verse 15 of this chapter describing how one does not light a lamp and hide it under a basket but places it on a stand where it gives light to everyone. This should strike a cord with you. It should hit you like a ton of bricks. Today it has become so common that we as Christ followers are content with where we are at and are not bold as lions. We "hide our lamps" instead of shining them brightly for all to see in fear that if we "place them on a stand" others would react negatively toward us. We are not called into a life with Christ to be fearful, disobedient lovers but instead, we are called to be faithful, obedient, courageous lovers. Doesn't that sound more like it? Humans cannot judge us only God Himself. In my previous blog, I emphasized the point of the Great Artist, our Creator, who has made us perfectly in His image and though we are flawed grace has made us new.

Moving back to what I have been talking about in this blog, that passage in Matthew 5 is an example of what our lives should produce LIGHT that rips away the darkness around us as we confidently walk with Christ. There is no Ten Steps to be a Light book our on the market, it's all a learning process with the end goal beign the Kingdom being brought to the earth. God does not expect perfections but relationship, not following all the rules but love. Doesn't that make your heart feel lighter knowing that the only expectation is to love HIM. Once we love Him, the simplicity of obedience to His call becomes real. There is no struggle because our undaunting faith becomes evident in all areas of our lives. WE are the vessels by grace of a Mighty God. We are chosen to be His Bride, His Love, the one He yearns for. How we should want a deeper experience with Him, so we may be a light in a dark and broken world.

The beauty of an obedient life with trials and temptations ablaze because the enemy finds us all too bright brings great joy to my heart. It makes me realize the magnitude of being in Him at All Times. Being able to step out in faith, have great hope and not be shaken by the unexpected happenings in life but be fully aware of who we are in Christ and who Christ is in us that brings stability in that very thing is wonderful.

Take a moment now and look at your life. I know there are uncountable times where I missed out an opportunity to be the light of Christ because of fear and uncertainty. A lack of faith can overwhelm our lives if we let. Don't. Live a life where risk is something that you do daily because we are called as Christ says in Matthew 28:18, "I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Reach these new disciples all the commands I ahve given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always; even to the end of the age." We must go out and be the light to a dark world so that more may know the glory of the Saving One. Walk out what Christ called the disciples to in Matthew 10:7,-8 "And as you go, preach, saying, 'The Kingdom of heaven is at hand.' Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons. Freely you have received, freely give." We are called to do greater things than even those in the Word of God itself. He has called us to be obedient lovers who are willing to go out and live a life that shines brightly His light. We are merely His vessels not the Healer, the Saving One, etc. for only God Himself is that. We must remember to never take credit for the things that our God has done. Let us humble ourselves for His name's sake.

I don't know if any of you identify with what I am talking about, but I know that I do. I am in the learning process of seeking Him, hearing His voice, and being obedient to the things He calls me to do daily. I pray that you seek the Lord in this as I am. That together we can become brighter, bolder lights for His Kingdom, for His purpose. I love you all.

A Work of Art

2010-11-16T16:38:00.000-08:00

With the tip of His pen, the edge of His brush, and His chisel of choice,

The Great Artist creates out of nothing pure beauty.

Through flawed eyes the people who view His work criticize and judge without a second glance.

They see what is in front of them, as their eyes know beauty.

Never thinking to look through His eyes the beauty of His creation,

Even the flaws they see are a type of awestruck gloriousness.

Oh how deceived they are to think their criticisms and judgements matter.

For they themselves were made by the Great Artist, a masterpiece, one of a kind.

He alone can judge His work for if others do no beauty will come out of it.

Their judgment cracks and weathers the beautiful masterpiece called themselves

and eats away just as moths and rust destroy the things of this earth.

The Artist in all His mastery will receive his pieces back to be reshaped, recast, and restored,

so that they too may see the beauty He sees.

As these people, though flawed and human, come to Him with a humbled brokenness,

they too will know what it is like to be seen as beautiful in a world full of judging eyes.

A world that does not know true beauty because the mask of dirt and decay has covered their eyes.

They see no beauty for the darkeness has closed in,

yet the Great Artist calls to His work wanting them to come and be made new.

This is a description of the way we as humans view others around us. We cannot see the beauty He sees because we are trapped in a our self-taught way of beauty, our world-taught way. We do not see the beauty in all people because our shallow flesh does not think the world's so thought "undesired" are beauty. We think we have to meet standards and that others must also, that you have to be a certain height with a certain hairstyle with certain clothes and the perfect weight. LIES! We are who we are and they are who they are. Of course, being healthy is a different subject all together, but we must realize that we must not place standards on others because we do not understand the magnitude of it all.

We must ask God to see through His eyes the beauty of every person we come in contact with that we may love them as God loves us. That we may see past their flaws as He sees past ours.

Get it. Got it. Good. =) Be encouraged to know that no human can place a stamp of approval on who you are. God has already done that and perfected us through grace and mercy. His love refines us and restores us to the masterpiece He has created us to be. We are no perfect by any means but in our Papa's eyes we are beautiful works of art, created by He Himself, the Creator of ALL THINGS!

Love you all. Remember Psalm 139:14, "I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well."

WAKE UP and SMELL HIS PRESENCE

2010-11-01T13:55:00.000-07:00

Millions of people all over this nation come to a church on a Sunday morning, night, or any night week and "seek God" in a congregation. Yet they leave the place and nothing happens. The nation continues to decay and people continue to leave this world without even a hint of knowing who the Lord God Almighty is. The Creator of the heavens and the earth. The lover of this world though it's broken and lost. He wants us to know Him, love Him, and shout His name to the nations that all may know Him. Yet, the church today has lost the heart of the matter...to love the Lord with everything, wanting nothing but to love the King of Kings and follow Him willing to lay down his/her life! That's what it's about....KINGDOMMMM! We are called vessels and should be pouring out what He gives us, not sitting with the spirit of religion and being gluttonous of his blessings.

Our lives are great and full of power and goodness when we follow without any reluctance and willing to walk away from everything in radical obedience with one word from the Lord! Is that your life? I know I don't have it down quite yet and I'm still seeking Him to receive healing and find the path He has for me. That path is full of challenges, sacrifice, and love. Know he loves you soo much, so much that he sacrificed the one Son He had that Jesus Christ died so we might live this good and fulfilling life. :) Praise God!!

The church is a body not a business. It's a lifestyle of believers coming together to change the world not just live our lives for ourselves. Churches, the buildings, have become so about that their own interest and not daily revelation of who God is and HIS WILL HIS!!!!!!!! NOT OURS!!! Come on guys get it. American culture is so selfish and me me me is what we cry out instead of "GOD please come be close to us that we may be healed, restored, made whole, full of life, full of light, having a passion for YOUR PURPOSE. Please remove me from myself that I may be your vessel, follow your will, and be YOURS. We are not our own once we have given our heart to you for we are Yours and Yours FOREVER!

I love you all but Get it PLEASE! Wake up! Wake up! He is calling out you, His Beloved, the person He loves more than anything. Every moment you live, HE YEARNS FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!! He wants YOU! YOU!

Be the church, the body of Christ, that we may unite together as one and break down the walls of selfish-ambition and religion in this land. Come on! Lets run together.

"Run as fast as you can. Run till you reach the end. Where the fallen finally win and a new starts over again. Run!"
-Addison Road

Let's go fall deeply in love with Jesus and know him not about him. Talk to him not about him. Walk with him not in our own way. Run!! Awaken your city, the nation, and the world.

The Glory of His Majesty

2010-10-28T17:07:00.000-07:00

PREFACE: This is from October. I never got to post it, so here it is.

These days life just seems to be speeding by with no intention of slowing down. In the midst of all this fast paced life and utter chaos is the sweet still presence of my Papa. A couple of weeks ago a few friends and I went to Fall Creek Falls to go camping and while it was an adventure of sorts, the evidence that God is real and alive today was all around me. I could no contain myself as I stared intensely up at the beautiful falls as the sun gleamed on the magnificently turned leaves of the swaying trees. Every person on this earth should see the stars, the rising of the sun, the feeling of the invisible wind, and the mountainous landscape and be able to see the Creator of the Universe in all His Glory.

It seems that in the middle of this crazy country of politics, religious discord, and utter business that every single person would want to walk away from his/her life and want yearn to see the beauty of the wilderness and the solitude that it brings. Our God, Our Creator made this earth that we may dwell in it and gave us dominion. Yes, I am moving to another topic. How the God of the Universe gave man dominion over the universe, giving us a purpose on this earth.

We are CALLED with a PURPOSE to lead lives for GOD, our LOVER!!!! FOR GOD, NOT OURSELVES. So as we wake up in the morning, we must have the mindset that we are vessels of the Lord and that we are to bring change to a dying world. How wonderful and magnificent is it that we are chosen and called for such things. Every single believer who seeks the Lord with all of his/her heart, soul, mind, and spirit is given the purpose of bringing love to His creation. There is not one moment that has gone by over the past few months that I have looked back and not seen that our God is faithful. He wants us to know Him so badly, that seeks us out for His pleasure.

Think about the beauty of His creation, the gloriousness of His magnificence. I pray that the Lord will reveal Himself in a deep and new way. That this year is a year of new beginnings like the Lord has been showing me. Never feel like you have to strive, JUST REST IN HIM!

Lover of My Soul

2010-10-20T22:39:00.000-07:00

Lover of my soul

How deeply you move me

Into the depths of who you are.

You have stolen my heart, mind, and soul

Holding them captive in the midst of Your Presence.

My lover, my all

You have shown me the heart and truth of Your nature

That covers me ever so sweetly.

It heals all the heartache and steals all the pain

Giving me freedom to live a new day.

Heart beating wildly, holding me close

I know with my all You will never let me go.

My King and my Saviour

You move in a way

That continually brings mt to my knees as I pray

Worshipping, praising, and laying it all

Down at your fett, to your throne I do call.

My new life has begun

So beautifully made.
I am your daughter, a beautiful pearl,

Refined by your hand, nurtured, and loved.

My name is no longer of this world

But is in the name of Your Kingdom.

Mighty as a sword,

I am ready to wield this power and strength

That I alone bear.

The joy in my heart

Breaks chains by Your hand.

The peace I possess

Makes the whole world behold

The beauty of your grace.

The freedom I carry

Sets the saints to praise.

The light in my life

Rips the darkness away.

This poem is something that I wrote quite awhile ago but it still rings true today and forever. My Papa is someone worthy of praise through every medium. He is magnificent and wonderful. I have been long wondering what it truly meant to fall in love with the Lord, give it all away, be his disciple, and carry the light of Jesus. It is all a process of becoming whole in the midst of brokeness, surrendering everything you think you are, everything you truly are, and the entirety of yourself at His feet, willing to do whatever it takes to carry out the name of Jesus in this world. How sweet the love of my Papa is and how gently he cares for me. He does not want any harm to come to me and all he wants is to pour out His goodness on my life and the whole universe.

I just want you to stop and think of who God is to you and who he has made you to be. What that looks like in daily life and what call he has placed in your life. He cares about you more than you can ever know. Just let your Papa love on you whether its been quite some time, a day, a month, an hour, or never. Enjoy Him because he delights in you!

I hope this was enjoyable and in some way, shape, or form relevant to your life.

May the Lord bless and keep you. May the Lord cause His face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you. May he give you peace. =) love you all!

Give It All Away! No Turning Back!

2010-09-21T23:10:00.000-07:00

Wow! So its been a bit since I last wrote on here and soooo much has been going on lately I don't know where to start and what to talk about.

I guess my topic for now will be the purity and love that the Lord has for every single person. I cannot even grasp the love he has for me. I think I love him a lot...No HE LOVES ME EVEN MORE! =) My mind has been blown at the gifts and presents he has given me in the last week. He continues to bless me, bring me more revelation, and pour out more freedom on my life!

Its so crazy what a little bit of faith and a whole lot of surrender will do. God is so faithful to the things he has for us and if we are willing to pay the price of losing "ourselves" to find our true selves in the Kingdom, I think we are a okay! =) I just can't stop smiling. One cool thing that Jesus has done is release me from bondage, break chains, and bring enormous healing in my life the past few days. So much release, so much freedom. Wow! Again Indescribable! I pray healing over anyone reading this and pray that You will cover them with your sweet peace and bring them a new song!

Anyways, I have been reading this book called Not a Safe God by Tim Riter. It is one of those books that challenges your outlook on life and Scripture. The whole premise of the book is to talk about the words of Jesus and show the absolute nature of them. Tim goes through Scripture in John and Luke and it has given me such revelation. We talk about laying down our lives for Christ all the time, we sing about it in our worship music, we pray about it, yet do we ultimately understand what we are saying? Christ called us to give the ultimate sacrifice...our lives!

How does that make you feel inside? It has made me think and feel that I have in many ways not given all of me to Jesus! There are many things in our lives that we try to do on our own and if we were willing to spend time with the Lord on them, those problems would be nonexistent because our Papa wants to take care of us! He wants to lead us to a place where our hearts are full of him, our lips speak only His beautiful truth, our eyes see the things of the unseen Kingdom, our minds think on the His Kingdom and our purpose in it, and our lives are completely given to him.

I have several questions for you. Think about them all.

1. Would you die for Christ's sake tomorrow?

2. Would you walk away from the life you have, where you are and start somewhere new where you knew no one just because you were being obedient to the Lord's calling on your life?

3. Are you willing to give up the material things of this world you own to pick up and follow Jesus?

4. Does your heart cringe at the answers to the first three questions?

5. Are you pouring out the power Christ has given you or are you hoarding it for yourself and being coming obese in the spirit?

6. Are you wanting nothing more than to see God's Kingdom reigning on this earth?

7. Is all that your heart wants and desires is to spend precious time with the Lord because your heart, soul, and spirit yearn for more of His love, goodness, passion, peace, presence, blessing, grace, mercy, kindness, gifts, and outpouring of more revelation?

8. Are you obedient to His Call?!?!

Ha. I bet that is all a lot to process. I hope that didnt overwhelm you too much. I know these are some tough questions but they need to be answered. My heart wants to have the answers to these questions and not even have to think twice about it but then I continue to struggle. Don't except perfection out of yourself because only your One and Only is perfect. He is risen and seated at the right hand of God the Father Almighty! AMEN!

Sidenote: A story to look at on this whole deal is the rich young ruler, oh! and pretty much the whole New Testament because it is a testament to the sacrificial lives that the apostles lived!

Once we make this commitment, we must want it with everything we are. We must breath our relationship with him and be willing to be obedient to his will. Weird thing about laying down your life for Jesus, you'll fall madly in love with Him, he'll give you gifts, and find great joy in your obedience to follow through with the things he lays on your heart!

My spirit is so full right now I could write for hours and hours on what the Lord is doing in my life. I am astounded and in awe. It is like a thunderstorm has been raining over me this last week and I am being saturated. The Lord wants to bless you, to deepen your relationship, to find rest in him, new revelation, a revival of the spirit, and to float in the river of His Presence daily! =) Be filled up my lovelies!

xxx LOVE YOU! May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord cause his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you. May he give you peace which passes all understanding.

Scripture to possibly dive into if you need something: Isaiah 59-62, Luke 14. John 13-15, Philippians, Colossians, Psalms, and just the whole darn thing! Ha! =)

To Step Out in FAITH

2010-08-23T15:52:00.000-07:00

Last night at Sunday PM, Bill Spencer was speaking on Luke 7. He was speaking about verses 12-17 where the young boy is raised from the dead. Bill Spencer is one of those teachers who wants to know the responses and thoughts of his audience. We all clapped and a couple of little shouts happened when he asked how amazing we felt that was. He was extremely unimpressed with how unable we were to understand the magnificence of this act. A guy in the front row screamed loudly and pointed out how astounded we should be.

I began thinking about this scenario and how unimpressed we are as a church at the miracles of Jesus. The majority of the church looks at them like a story, like something that has just happened, not the magnificent, wondrous things that they are. We should be in awe at the life of Jesus. Just think about what we have been called to. We are told in the Word that we will do greater things than Christ himself. He has called us to greater. He has called us to stand strong with boldness and courage. Think of the magnitude God has called us to. We are to have the power of the Holy Spirit and walk as Jesus walked. Live in the Presence of the Living God and find joy in Him. How amazed would you be if you prayed for someone to come back to life and they did! I would freak out because all it took was for me to step out in faith and trust that God does all things! My mind is blown away at the power of God. If he can create an entire universe then he can heal the sick, make the lame to walk, raise from the dead, and set free the captives.

Here is a little piece of my life to you. I have had many issues trusting God's plan for me and struggled with unbelief. The other night I got together with my friend, Lez, and we began to talk about my life and what's been going on. He told me there will always be a battle between faith and unbelief, so I must take a step of faith and trust the Lord (that means giving my whole life to him, no exceptions, which he has called all of us to). If I trust the Lord and the plans he has for my life then surely I will be able to walk in the power I described early and the power described in the Word of God. If I live my life actively abandoning myself to the Lord, allowing him to be my Father, my Guide, my Strength, then I will be able to walk in his power and be used for the works of His Kingdom.

Last night Bill Spencer made an altar call for any of us who wanted to fully and finally commit ourselves fully to the Lord. At that moment, I was completely enamoured by the Lord and his beautiful presence. My heart began to pound in my chest and I knew he was telling me to walk up there, so I did. I began to pray to the Lord and cry out. All of a sudden the warmth of the Holy Spirit filled me and I couldn't even move. I was lost in his presence. I was at a loss for words, so I just stood in his presence, waiting for him to speak to me. Oh goodness, did he ever speak to me! I have struggled with giving my whole self to him. Allowing him to take my heart and protect it because I am scared of the consequences. Well in that precious moment with him last night, I let him take it all. I allowed my Papa to take everything I have and renew me. He filled me like never before and now I have such a peace over my life and its beautiful. I know he is here and will always be. Of course, I am not perfect and am still a broken person, but I believe with everything in me that if I sit in his presence every single day that I will find freedom, restoration and wholeness in my life. I must seek him and his love in order to find myself. I cannot expect to go to church and to bible study once or twice a week and be able to find who I am in Christ and have a deep glorious relationship with him. I must be willing to sacrifice my life to seek Him in all OF HIS GLORY!

I hope this was encouraging for someone. I hope and pray that you will find the courage to step out in faith and to find yourself in our God. I love you all dearly.

Are you Consumed? Are you pouring out?

2010-08-10T17:04:00.000-07:00

Something I wrote last night at Bible Study:

Being in desparate abandon is something that creates such deep intimacy and love with the Lord that it pours out and touches everything we see, do, create, speak, and live. Our hearts are to be filled with the wonder and amazement of His love. We are to want nothing of ourselves.

We cannot be satisfied with the usual, normal way of life. Being consumed, filled, and ready to be a holy vessel of the Lord is the only way of life. Even in the midst of our brokenness, times of self-doubt, fear, disappointment, hurt, and life issues, holes (once filled with/by the world), God has a place and he will heal it all. Remember, he has the victory. He wants to lead us into a time where our radical abandon is NORMAL. That his glory is revealed and fills the earth.

We must take ourselves, our minds, our of a place of self but to a place of Him. That everything we do, say, speak, etc. is filled with Him. We are not perfect because we are human and broken by the plots of Satan. Yet he chose us to be His Children, his sons and daughters, to love and be called to change the world. We must be completely lost in Him, not knowing what the next step is until he opens our eyes, heart, mind, and spirit to the place he has for us.

Now that I have finished that and it might not all make sense but my mind rushes things. Anyways, I just want you all to think about where you are in your relationship with God. Are you in a place where you are completely consumed by his presence, you want to worship with him continually? Or are you in place where you are struggling to be close to him?

Here is a quote from a book I am reading: "As wildly as he offers himself to us, so should we offer ourselves to him, no longer living in the risk-free distance of all of our assumptions, but close and personal, so we can see just how good and gerenous this King truly is." -Jarrett Stevens

We are to be consumed by His holy presence every single moment of our lives. Of course, we all fall short, but that is where we must remember that God has the victory! =) We are forgiven and grace has saved us. After we believe this and begin to become completely enamoured by our Papa, then the love, healing, restoration, joy, peace, freedom and life-giving things will pour out from us with every breath we take.

Right now, in this day, there are many of us who are ready to step up and change our cities, our nation, and the world by the transforming power of Christ. In order for God to move, we have to know him so intimately that people's lives are changed by everyday interactions with us. That seeds are continually planted and freedom reigns over all the earth. This is what we want. We want and need for the power of our God to pour out over everyone and everything. The Holy Spirit is in us. That means wherever we go and whatever we do, we are carrying the Spirit with us, Christ, the Holy One. Doesn't that excite you?!?!?!?!? I really think so.

Anyways, I am done with all my thoughts. Think about what I am saying and see if that applies to your life. I love you all and hope that some of this makes sense.

Divide and Conquer

2010-07-23T17:58:00.000-07:00

The Word of God says that "The thief comes only to kill, steal, and destroy." John 10:10. This is a very true statement and we must take notice that he does not only plan to take away your personal life but also the life of the body. The best way for the enemy to destroy the body is to divide us and take away the unity of the body. He will do anything to take away our support system and strength.

This past year I have had a lot of friend troubles. Some of them of course are due to the lack of taking care and tending to the relationship and the other issues came from little seeds of doubt and distrust that the enemy had planted in my mind and the mind of my friends. The body of Christ has to see that we are trying to be divided. We must see that gossip, lies, slander, anger, frustration, hatred, and many other things are bringing division to the body of Christ. That is exactly what Satan wants. He wants take away the unity so that the body is not functioning properly. Remember what 1 Corinthians 12:12 says, "The body is a unit, though it is made of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ." We must come together as a body of believers unified and able to seek God in all situations, including those to do with issues of the body.

Another thing that Satan can do is trick you into pushing everyone away and thinking that being alone is a better alternative that all of the stuff I listed above. Here is what I have experienced:

To be honest with you, a few months ago I began isolating myself because I began to not trust the people in my life. Of course, there were a couple of people in my life that I continued to lean on but I got to a point where I wanted to be completely alone. Do you see what happened? I had no idea until my eyes became open to what was going on behind the scenes. Satan was separating me from the body of believers that I had come to love and trust dearly. I began to believe that no one really cared for me and that those that did just felt sorry for me. Wow you say? How in the world did you get there? Well, I got there because I believed the lie that no one could be trusted and that no one cared for me. Then it grew into a bigger lie that God was the same way. I began to shut down in a tremendous way and became numb of all feelings I had. After I came back from England and seeing the lack of strength in the body there, my heart began to wonder if I had made a wise decision. Whether being alone was really making everything better. Well let me tell you that it did not make things better. It made me doubt that God was really there and that loving people existed. The enemy wanted to get me alone so that he could destroy any hope for the good, any trust, any love, etc. He wanted me to lose all want or emotion too.

With all that said, Satan wants the body of Christ to be broken. He wants you to be broken. The biggest thing for you to remember is that through God our Father WE HAVE THE VICTORY! We must stand together as a body and strengthen and encourage one another. We must be able to stand unified, believing in the one who made us.

To leave you with a song that has been stuck in my head for the last month:
"You are stronger, You are stronger. Sin is broken, you have saved me. It is written, Christ is risen. Jesus, you are Lord of all." I know that may not seem relevant to this blog but it is. God is stronger than any power or any man on earth. He is bigger than anything, therefore, if we believe with everything we have that he is stronger then division will no longer have a place. We will see clearly that Satan is trying to divide the body and will stand against it in the name of the Lord. He will unify and strengthen the body and any attack from the enemy will be realized and taken care of because we have the eyes of the one who has saved us. He has the victory!

To truly Worship

2010-06-23T14:19:00.000-07:00

I began to think about what worship truly is to us. If I could define worship it would be passionately pursuing the one who has called me to do great things in pure abandon. Last night I was talking with my friend Carlos and realized that all it takes for me to worship is to open my arms wide and tell the Lord, "I'm Yours." Just abandoning yourself with true passion for the Lord is worship.

A big problem that I have been facing for quite some time is that I am not good enough to lead or be part of worship. For some reason, I have had the mindset that I am second best and someone else is more qualified than me. When I was at Summer Jubilee I had to face this head on. A good acquaintance of mine came up to me and spoke honestly to me about something I needed to work on when I help lead worship. It was something that I have always worried and been self conscious about but not even one of my friends could tell me to my face. Now that I know one of my problems I can overcome it and grow from it.

When you have the mentality that you are not good enough you begin to think that everything is a competition. Not only did I do that, I had some very deep wounds of hurt that I hadn't released to the Lord. As of Wednesday night at Summer Jubilee, I am free from that pain. To some people it came off that I was competing because I thought I was better but it was all out of my feelings of inferiority. I can now claim that God has the victory and that the enemy has no place. I know this does not seem relevant to what I began talking about but it is these two things that hindered me from truly worshipping my Daddy. =)

Back to what I was saying in the beginning. I feel that we must get into the mindset where every time we meet with the Lord, whether alone at home or in car or in a group worship setting, we must release ourselves completely to the Lord. Of course, the wounds and issues I wrote about above are just two of the many things I have to gain victory in in my life but it is a start. Now I can go into worship and sit at His feet, onstage or off, and feel complete. I can seek Him and not feel like I am any less than another person. My passion is there and always has been but there was something that was keeping it from being truly genuine and pure. Now I can look Satan in the face and tell him he has lost the battle and that he has no place in my time with the Lord.

This is all to say. Figure out if there is something keeping you from worshipping the Lord in full abandon and with your whole heart. Begin to inquire the Lord about it and figure out what you need to do. At the end of the day the Lord is always there ready and willing to spend time with you, but you must know it is your decision whether to live in that mindset. To know that He is the One True God. To know that no one else can fill the holes that are gaping in your heart.

Also, I want you to begin to see how important it is to spend time with the Lord. When you spend time in worship to the Lord with no motives or plans of your own, he will begin to work in you. One of the biggest things you must remember is go into worship with a pure heart. Spend time in prayer preparing yourself to be able to have an open mind, heart, ears, and spirit. He wants all of you. When you begin the process of truly giving that to him and falling deeply in love with your Papa, then you will begin to see big changes. The enemy will try to stop you from making progress, so you must be ready to stop the enemy in his tracks and spend even more time with the Lord.

Spend some time in prayer to the Lord daily and seek Him not only in musical worship but also in His Word. =) I hope this can inspire at least one person. Love you all very much and God Bless.

Destiny or Dysfunction?

2010-06-14T00:19:00.000-07:00

Over the past several months Clint has spoken sermons over these two things and as he has I have received more and more revelation from the Lord about them. If you wanted find a good way of describing the opposite of destiny it would be dysfunction and vice versa.

These two words are the theme of the season I am going through. You, I and everyone else pursuing the Lord must make a decision whether to live in a life of dysfunction or live a life full of destiny. The revelations that the Lord has given me about destiny and dysfunction is ridiculous because it does not only concern me but every single person in the body of Christ. Here are some pieces of this revelation. The first thing the Lord revealed to me was that I was living in dysfunction. The reason I did not know I was or that people in general do not know they are living in dysfunction is that it becomes our normal. It becomes our everyday way of doing things or our mindsets. I have been living in dysfunction with my family and friends and have been completely content. Something I began to realize though is once you see the dysfunction it becomes more and more clear how unfulfilling it is. You can live your whole life and not realize that something you were taught was wrong and brought you down just a little bit. The more dysfunction you have the less able you are to put your complete focus on the Lord. I know this from personal experience. For example, in my life I am plagued with dysfunctions of control, lack of independence, and how family relationships are supposed to work. I have grown up thinking that my parents having control of my life is okay until I got a reality check and realized that not even I am in control of my own life but its the Lord's.

Now that I have prefaced what true dysfunction is I want you to understand how important destiny is. Your destiny is God given and purposeful. The Lord created you for a very specific purpose on this earth. Each and everyone of us is a piece of the puzzle and part of the body of Christ. Our destiny in the Lord is great and sufficient. It is without doubt or fear because his purposes for us are GOOD because he himself is GOOD. We are individually called out by the Lord to give our lives that we may live out the desires of our heart. Those desires are part of your destiny and will be but a piece of your destiny. Your calling and purpose are the things we must run towards.

Which one at the end of the day are you going to choose? Will you live in a life where the lies you have been taught are part of being normal are okay or are you going to live your life in the love of the Lord, following his purpose for your life?

NOW is the time to seek the Lord and for him to reveal the dysfunction and ask him how to deal with it. I can honestly say I am continually finding more and more things that are part of dysfunction and asking him to free me from it and find the heavenly mindset. I, as well as you, must seek the Lord in what our destiny is. What is our purpose on this earth? How will we help the Lord in revealing His KINGDOM!

Pray for revelation and seek the Lord with everything that you are! You think you know who you are at this moment but you have no idea. The Lord knows and he wants you to see the amazing person you are in him and the amazing plans he has for your life.

Remember first and foremost..."Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength." -Matt. 22:37

Brokenness into Victory.

2010-06-04T23:27:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to write a bit of an encouraging word to everyone out there who thinks that things can't get any better. I am writing to those who are hurting or lost, feel completely broken, and are trying to do it all by themselves. I have one thing to say to you, you can't do this on your own.

For the past three or four months I have been living in this funk, in this place where the only solution was God and I had not even one good excuse as to why I was not giving it all to him. I have written before about some of the heartbreak and issues that I have been dealing with over these past few months but now I can tell you I can see the light. Victory is here and no one can stop it. This last Thursday I finally got back to SlowBurn after my month long time away...felt like a lot longer. Anyways, several people could tell something was off and I was tired of hiding the tears so I let them out. During service I could hardly concentrate because I could feel the freedom and the pain fighting each other. The good thing about God is he is bigger than all of the pain and suffering any person is dealing with. He is bigger than our selfish struggle to be in control of our lives. My mentor Jodi prayed for me after service and I could feel a literal weight off my shoulders. It was insane! There are a lot of other things that I have to deal with but now that I have taken the step to surrender to the Lord everything is starting to become clear.

Clint was talking about being a river dweller, which is the equivalent to being completely encapsulated in the Holy Spirit, being utterly in love with the Lord. Wow! That is not something that gets taught a lot these days. No many people talk about what power the Lord has. Many people today are worshipping a powerless God built on legalities and rules. My friends that is not the God of Jacob. The God of the Bible was mighty and powerful, peaceful and loving, jealous and strong. The God of this age is small and meak with on means of helping us succeed. He brings pain and sickness in order to make us stronger. He is lacking power and the ability to speak to us. That is not the true God. That is the God that the world has tricked many of us into believing.

MY GOD is...
living.
powerful, mighty and true.
just.
everywhere.
loving and kind.
always here and never forsaking.

MY GOD wants...
me to succeed and dream big because he is a BIG GOD.
me to find rest in him at all times.
love him deeply and be romanced by him.
everything.

Does the God you serve have the power of the Holy Spirit or is lacking in that department? Does the God you serve have the qualities that my God has?

There is only one God living and that is the God written about in the Word. The one who is the Word. Who is Truth. Who brought his son to die so that we may live a life full of grace and mercy. A life that is full of beauty and love because his love overflows out of our hearts and mouths as we seek him.

Satan has been tricking me over these months into believing that the Lord in not truth and he is not going to be able to take the pain and hurt away. He has also been setting me up for the belief that I should trust no one especially God. How crazy is it that I was falling for it until I went to England. I got there and had an amazing time and figured out a lot about where I have been at lately. Part of me has wanted to press in and be with the Lord while the other half wanted to get away from everything and everyone and do my own thing. My own thing obviously wasn't that successful and began to wear me down. Guys, living in sin, shame, condemnation, guilt, pain, hurt, frustration, anger, fear, etc. is not worth it...trust me. Those things continue to wear down your mind and bring you to a place of true despair which is not good. I am a living testimony of how God can move in two days. On Tuesday I was out with my friend Nina and I was telling her how I felt trapt in a sea of pain and hurt. Then on Thursday once I stepped back into the presence of God, the presence of the my Papa with whom I have left hanging the past month, I felt the freedom and peace that I could have. I felt the rest I could. It was wonderful to worship my Papa and be loved on by him. If you haven't taken time to just rest in him please do. I am telling you right now you will feel refreshed and brand new. Talk to him about what's going on in your life even though he already knows because he is a good listener. And if you're willing he will answer you. But if you're patient and rest in him, he will give you answers to questions you haven't even asked.

So this definitely turned out to be longer than I thought it would be but no apologies because this is my heart. This is where I am at and what's going on in my life. I hope you guys have received something from it and that love is overflowing out of each letter I type.

Love you all.

Willing to give it ALL

2010-05-06T12:22:00.000-07:00

I have discovered that we are creatures of habit. Good, bad, and ugly. As we grow, we begin to discover the dysfunction we have been living in, see the lies for what they are, and find ourselves bought with a price for a purpose. I am at a point in my walk where I am challenging everything and beginning to wonder if what I know and believe is true. Lately, I have become very content in my walk which is problem number one. The bigger problem is that there is something that is keeping me from going, something hindering me from wanting to press through. The tools I have learned over the years to use in the midst of trials have become very unappealing to me. The Word which is the lamp unto my feet, prayer, and worship have become second to myself.
Last night I was talking to my friend on the phone and I realized that my thought at this time in life is, "I just want to be alone." The reasons for wanting to be alone are things that I should have long ago conquered. I am a very trusting person and love people with all that I can. In the past four or five months though trying to balance these friendships has become uninteresting to me. I don't want to try at anything anymore. I have become complacent and willing to stay here. The main reason is because I have been hurt once again because of my willingness to open my heart and trust. I am tired of being stepped on and for some reason I have began to hear and receive the lies that God will do the same. Of course I know that is a lie.

Now that I have giving a prelude to what I really wanted to write about here I go...

I have a question for you all....Have you given it all? Have you given everything to God? Or are you still holding on to pieces of your past that have caused pain, worry, stress, uncertainty, and distrust?
That's me. There is a part of me that won't let go. If that's you...you need to let go. To feel the freedom of a new day. A new life. I want to be able to let go of all these things to experience what life could be like. I am beginning to see that this is battle that has been raging for years within me and now is the test. Can I let go? Something I wonder about people is why they choose to become bitter, lost, and confused instead of finding forgiveness, a new perspective, and peace. Hm...I cannot even begin to comprehend living a life full of death. Full of destruction.
Again, I look at myself and see there are parts of me that are dying and they are keeping me from continuing on the path the Lord has for me. I want you to sit and seek the Lord to see what death you have inside of you. Do not become someone willing to be alone like I am right now. I want more but the question I am asking myself is, "Am I willing to let go in order to find peace and prosper?" The answer to that question is simple but my heart and mind are battling each other. One says, "Get rid of this filth," while the other is saying, "Keep it. It will just make you stronger." Now I must choose to follow one or the other. One will lead to rest, peace,and a new perspective and the other will lead to death and destruction.

Seek God at all times. Do not be scared but find boldness. I am looking for it right now. Seeking it out. I pray that the Lord works on your hearts and you find a new freedom.

One last question... Are you willing to give it All? Regardless of the effects, of the pain to get to the peace, and of the emptiness that will be filled with love?

Love you all very much.

Revelation of the Lies!

2010-04-19T20:51:00.000-07:00

Here is an inspired thought for the moment:
I was cleaning my room and trying on different clothes to see if I wanted to keep them. In the process I began critquing myself, thinking that I am not beautiful enough. Look how easily the devil sneaks those lies into your head? Too easily...but our human nature wants to conform to the things of this world when instead we must be transformed by God daily. I have been struggling the last few months with some very personal issues. I am honest so believe me I will be discrete yet truthful about what's been going on in my life.
For the past two or three months I have been dealing with whether I am good enough, whether I am worth to have as a friend, a girlfriend, even a daughter. My faults seem to have outweighed the strengths in my mind. I have been reading books about battling with the mind and the strongholds created by Satan. Though I have been reading them, I have not been receiving them fully. I need to battle against the lies that I am not worth it, that I am not beautiful, and that I am not good enough to be loved. I know I am loved by my Papa here on earth and that I have many people on this earth that care about me but Satan won out on my mind. I believed that though God has given me many gifts, people, and life I am no good and will never become anyone worth caring for.
Something I have always had an issue with is wanting to control everything around me, commanding the attention of a room and wanting to fix my own problems. Your thinking...wow she has issues. Ha. Your tellin me. I have no clue how I got here besides believing that I can do everything on my own. I grew up knowing the Lord and learning about him from a very young age yet in retrospect I know nothing about him. His nature is deep and I must be "in the vine" in order to fully begin to know him. I have been wondering to myself why I have not been able to move past this certain point in my walk and in my life. Wondering why all of the same things continually happen to me. You know what I found out. I am running on a hamster wheel of my own creation thinking things will change with my own might. BIG FAT LIE from the Father of Lies.
I am beautiful child of God the Father Almighty who has perfect plans for me. He formed me in his image and has made me that I might love and serve him. <---that has been a struggle for me lately too...who is he that he can want me to worship him. I LOVE WORSHIPING HIM but Satan has been sneakily saying to me over and over and over..."Who is this God? Why is he any more important than a person here on earth?" Wow Megs. You had to question that? Yes I did for some reason. I am beginning to realize and see all of these lies that been coming at me like a tsumani the past few years but I know before it hits I will fall to my knees in surrender pleading to God to calm the storm. I know he will. I love my Papa and I am beginning to see the awful lies that have been plaguing my life one by one.
Here are a few:
1) I need a tangible person (guy) to fulfill my needs here on earth...just by simply having him to talk to. The others that have hurt you make you who you are and you will never find anyone better.
2) I am not pretty enough or deserving enough for someone as wonderful as the Lord has for me in the future.
3) God doesn't really care about me. I am just a pawn in this game of life.
4) I am not a good enough friend and will never be. No one truly cares about me.
5) Your gifts are no use to you because you will never succeed in using them.
6) All the promises the Lord has made will be broken.

My now realization that all of these are blatant lies that Satan has slyfully enticed me with. I used this illustration when I was talking to someone recently. Its like Satan is holding something in his hand and you dont know what it is so you walk toward him unaware of what is going to happen next. As you walk closer you can feel the emotions of life begin to set in of anger, jealousy, frustration, lust, etc. Soon they envelope you and dont even realize it. Its like a poison that you will slowly choke on. There are many things right now that I am struggling with. One of those things is anger and bitterness towards someone who has hurt me deeply. Every negative thing I have written on this page can be squashed by the simple reading and studying of THE WORD! Now all I have to do is begin to dive into what the Lord has for me. I have several important decisions to make in the days, weeks, and months to come. I must begin the process of removing the rocks and filling in the holes that are in my "garden." I must begin to prepare myself for the great things that Lord has for me and amazing love that I am going to fall into. =) Thank God for giving me revelation on all of these things and letting me realize that I need to focus solely on him. No man can satisfy the desire my heart has for the love of the Lord. NO MAN!

I love you all and hope that this helps someone who reads it. God Bless! Keep pressing in. Your beautiful and created for a purpose that God alone knows...in time with him he will begin to reveal it!

He chooses the Imperfect....

2010-02-21T10:08:00.000-08:00

This morning I was cleaning my room and I fould a flaw in one of my pieces of furniture. I usually get quite upset when I notice things like that but I made the realization everything has some type of flaw, even me. God chose the imperfect me to be his vessel and to be used by him. I expect nothing from him if I cannot give everything. The awesome thing about realizing that he uses the imperfect is that I no longer have to fear that I must be perfect in his eyes. I screw up daily and sometimes its with things that I dont even realize...

We all must come to realization that he chooses to use us not because he has no one else. He loves us, the ones who lack everything without him. He provides for and we take advantage of it daily. We complain that we deserve this or this wasn't cooked right or I'm hungry or I really "need" this/that. Ha. Silly us! We have a house to sleep, a family that loves us, a chance to have a job or go to school (yes, both are a blessing from the Most High), clothing, plenty to eat, etc. <--- THESE ARE BLESSINGS! He provides for his people, all of them, lost or not. (my opinion) Those who believe in him get so much more! We get to truly walk out in the gifts he has given us and he chooses us to be used! I just cannot comprehend why he would choose me but he does and has regardless. Now I must walk in the power he has given me and follow the paths he has for me! Praise God!

He is giving me incite to things that seem so simple to understand...but do you really understand how worthy you are in his eyes? All he asks of us is to lay down our lives....sounds big doesn't it but it truly is insignificant when you think of the great gifts and true life you have after giving yourself to him. After you give your life to Christ, the biggest problem is giving him all. I know for a fact. Lately I have been struggling with giving some very big wounds to him, which Satan made me believe was part of me and made me who I am...LIE #1! Another thing was that Satan planted a fear in me that said I didn't want to let go....LIE #2! And then of course he continually lies to our human selves and many of us/all of us without realizing it fall into the traps...but we must do three things in order to be aware: 1. learn to discern between Satan and God's voice 2. dig into your Word (one of my daily struggles) 3. Pray that God will expose the lies that have already been told to you.

Wow! This morning I could write forever about how awesome our God is because he chose us! =D That brings me great joy to know that my God has amazing plans for me when I myself put my plans in a box...making no room for the miraculous. Now the box is gone and I am resting at his feet, waiting for fresh and new revelation!

Hope this helps someone! =) love you all! God Bless! SEEK HIM! He WILL USE YOU! Just be willing to SACRIFICE EVERYTHING!

2010-01-22T20:16:00.000-08:00

At this moment I am supposed to be reading my book on Gender and Society for class but my mind is racing with millions of thoughts so I figured it was blog time...or at least a short bloglet.

Today has been an interesting and encouraging day. God is SO Good! Two amazing friends of mine called me to check in on me and see what God's up to in my life. Random. Perfect. Amazing. In this season I am growing a lot and learning what it means to be obedient and open my heart, eyes, ears, and mind to what He has for me. I cannot explain the words that have been spoken over me and that God has given me this past year. I sat down today and read all of them from the past year and they rocked my world.... God has constantly been reinforcing the same things in my life. There are several things he has made absolutely clear to me:

1. I am loved by my Daddy constantly and that will never cease.
2. He has placed a special joy and peace in me that he's going to use when I am ready.
3. I must sit at His feet and worship Him. Finding new and exciting things out about my Daddy.
4. I must surrender myself to him daily, letting him work through me, being obedient to his will.
5. He is slowly setting me ablaze with his holy fire so I need to wait and be patient.
6. I must stand my ground against Satan's attacks because they are going to be strong and hard.
7. All answers are in His Holy Word.
8. He is all powerful and His Spirit lives in me, giving me gifts and words for others.
9. It is absolutely necessary that I be in the presence of the Lord God Almighty daily...seeking new revelation, praising, and receiving his power.
10. HE IS GOOD and WILL NEVER FAIL ME!!!

These are not the only things God has shown and told me but they are essential in my walk with Him. God is willing to reveal himself to you. Like Matthew 7:7-8 says, "Keep on asking, and you will receive wat you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who ask, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." That is a very familiar Scripture to the majority of us Christians but really let it marinate in your spirit. Its not just a one time deal, its a daily deal. You cannot grow without asking, seeking, and knocking. It is essential that you do each of these things in every season of your life. Once God begins revealing the plans he has for you and you begin being obedient to him...begin to prepare for battle because when you begin gaining victories for God's Kingdom, Satan will do anything to make you stumble. Stand firm in God and on His Word.

That's all for now. Dig deep, fall in love, and find who you are in your Daddy.

Much LOVE.

2009-12-13T12:14:00.000-08:00

Last night I felt super motivated to write and let the transparency begin again. Like my friend Nick, its been awhile since I've been on here blogging. I feel like I haven't had anything to say that would smack you in the face and change your mind.

God is so good though and even when you don't have anything to say or do he works. He is a mysterious God with amazing plans for all of us. We might know the plans at the moment but they will be revealed in quiet time with our Daddy. Today I decided to go on a date with my Jesus, yes a date. I am still on it actually but I felt led to write....hmm...he's good inspiration.

Right now I am being led to read Job. Wow! Its a tough one to get through BUT you must seek God's counsel and ask for Him to reveal his secrets and his nature to you. In Job he and his friends speak a lot about this life having numbered days. Hm...should that make us active. YES!!!!!!!! We should seek our God, commune with Him, be in His Presence, and find new and exciting ways to serve Him. Many people think that service is something that is time consuming and too much to do but its not. Serving our God is loving. He is Love, therefore, love will spill from us as we walk daily in His love. I've discovered that it takes almost no effort to serve Him...God could use you to give a simple word to someone encouraging them to have an amazing, give a simple smile to a stranger, or love on your friend with a hug. If we do things that pour out God's love them we have the right idea. Serving others is being there for them in their time of need and LOVING.

Do you see a common theme? Love. Does that sound hard? It shouldn't. If you have an intimate relationship with God where you are receiving His Love and Power then you should just drip HIS LOVE!!!!!

There is a song by Francesca Battistelli called "Forever Love." Its amazing. It says, "You are my forever love. You are my forever love. You are my forever love. You are my forever love. From the bottom of my heart I'll sing to you. From the depths of who I am I'll love you. With everything inside I'll run to you. All that I've become I owe to you..." It repeats a few times but isnt that amazing. FOREVER LOVE>>> We cannot comprehend eternity but forever God and I will be in love....my life will be encapsulated with his love and if I daily surrender my life to His plans for me then I will be able to serve him eternally.

I love you guys and I know this is alot but I pray that God is blessing you and that you are having amazing weekend and that you have an amazing week filled with the Almighty presence of God our Papa. Spend time with him. Go on a date with Him. Fall in love.

Much LOVE!

The REAL Jesus...Do you know Him?

2009-12-12T23:38:00.000-08:00

Tonight my friend Kristen and I were talking about Christ and how much of a role he plays in our lives. Of course every single thing that we do in our lives is to glorify the Lord as well as be in accordance to His plans for us.

In Galatians 2:20 it says, "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

We must look at this verse and think about solely about the fact that Christ lives in us. When my friends and I were hanging out tonight we began talking about how many people are missing out on the real Jesus because they are lost in the rules and religious acts of the so-called "church." If we are the dwelling place of Christ then we have the same abilities that Christ had. Christ spoke that we will do greater things than He. If that's true where are they? God brought His Holy Spirit to us in Acts and since then the ever present God has sent us gifts. Paul speaks about the different gifts of the Spirit such as prophecy, healing, speaking in tongues, interpretation of tongues, words of knowledge, words of wisdom, gift of faith, working of miracles, discerning of spirits. These gifts DID NOT die out once the apostles and past disciples were gone but are here today and ready to be released.

The question is...do we all know that Jesus that not only brought us the gift of salvation but the Holy Spirit who pours into us and releases the gifts in I Corinthians 12 to us. WE MUST BE WILLING TO KNOW THE REAL JESUS! How can someone live there life just knowing what the Word of God says and not live it...and I mean truly wholeheartedly live it. Have an intimate and loving relationship with Abba. If we have Christ dwelling within us we should have the faith and know that we have the authority to heal the sick, raise the dead, prophesy over others, speak in tongues, etc. God gives us power and allows us to drip His love and power all over others....

I feel that God is wanting to wake a nation that is sleeping on His Word and not living it. His Word is filled with secrets and we must be willing to converse with him, dance with him, love him with all (the greatest command), and hear his voice.

Joel 2:28 says, "And it shall come to pass afterward That I will pout out My Spirit on all flesh; Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, Your old men shall dream dreams, and Your young men shall see visions." <----this was spoken before Christ was even revealed to God's people...Why wouldn't it exist today?

I guess I cant comprehend how you can know about Jesus and not know Him. Memorizing scripture and learning the Bible stories is awesome but what fruit, what sustenance is that bringing you? Of course learning God's Word is important but why not ask Him to reveal his secrets to you? Why not yearn for the living and active God. People seem to pick and choose what gifts God still uses today...like healing...well of course I believe God still heals....then why wouldn't God still prophesy or give words of knowledge and wisdom or speak in tongues....and all the other amazing gifts we can receive?

Its funny to me how crazy people think believers are who believe in LIVING AND ACTIVE GOD WHO POURS OUT HIS SPIRIT ON HIS PEOPLE TODAY! Why wouldn't you?

WOW! The Jesus that is described in the Bible, the Jesus that dwells in me who will use me to love on and drip on others so that they may come to know Him...that's the REAL JESUS! That's the Jesus we should be pursuing...

Then the question is how does one pursue Christ? You pray to him not give him a wish list. you worship him through your life and in praises and song...giving it your all. You seek His Word and the amazing secrets that are hidden in it. And finally ask for God to manifest himself to you in a new and exciting way...pouring His Spirit all over you that you may spread the His Love and Word to everyone around you.

I know this is a lot to take in...but the first thing you have to do is reevaluate which Jesus your serving and then once you figure that out serve the one who cleansed the lepers, healed the sick, raised the dead, and saved all of humanity from certain death...

LIVE OUT...Matthew 22:37-38...THE GREAT COMMAND..."Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest command."

Love HIM WITH EVERYTHING. =) Love you guys always and hope that God restores you and blesses you in amazing ways. Oh and also read Isaiah 61...its good stuff and speaks about that the Spirit of the Lord will do with His anointing...

____________. Be still.

2009-11-10T18:10:00.000-08:00

I am feeling ______. I am in one of those times where I have no idea what is going on. I am lost without reason wanting to find a solution. Knowing the solution is the strangest part because even if you follow through you feel like you've accomplished nothing. Prayer is my answer. Simple right...knowing what to ask for is the hardest part. I guess I need not ask...but seek and be still. "Be still and know I am God." -Psalm 46:10. That has come up in my life several times lately and I need to listen. Stop. Be still. Those last two sentences seem unknowingly impossible. I don't often stop but I am becoming more willing now that I must lean on God constantly. Its not like I shouldn't always do that but understanding that I must is something I just realized a few months ago. Even though I understand that, I let myself get in the way of that.

I use my emotions as an outlet like a kid screaming for help in the middle of a busy crowd. No one can hear him though there are so many people around. Not a good way to communicate especially when it is hurting those around you. When you have no clue whats going on but you know something is wrong...how can you tell someone? I guess you can't but thats no excuse for hurting those closest to without reason. Sometimes all you can do is apologize but it doesn't change anything...you screwed up...BUT you can't beat yourself up about it and you sure can't hold on to it.

I guess right now all I can do is fall on my face and pray to my Daddy and seek help and comfort. Maybe just maybe no...he certainly will carry me if he needs to.

It feels so nice to get these things out of my head instead of just stewing about it all. Thanks for listening.

Love you all so much and I hope God is blessing you and teaching you things daily =)

Reflecting on HOW I LIVE!

2009-11-08T09:40:00.000-08:00

Today is one of those days of reflection. Sometimes I wonder why people act the way they do. Is it necessary? Probably not. We overreact making the world seem a little bit more drama-filled than needed. Why? Because we want to have some reason to vent and some people just want that attention. I am experienced when it comes to being slightly overdramatic about daily things that are petty and not something to get all bent out of shape about. I am glad that I realized that part of me. It is pointless and unneeded to get upset especially when its at people you care a lot about.

Yesterday that happened to me. I got upset at my best friend and it was so not worth it. I look back at it and laugh because something like that is so juvenile and not worth the spat in the first place. I love Lindsey too much to let the little petty things get in my way. Why did I? I dont even know.

Anyways, thats not my reason for writing today. REFLECTION. What view am I giving to those on the outside? Good. Bad. Unnecessary. Truthful. Only they know and God. I must take a step back look at my life and see if I am living like Christ. I want to yearn for Him and find the secrets in His Word...the TRUTH! The world is a sneaky place full of ways to distract you from your goal. Why? BECAUSE SATAN WANTS TO WIN!!!!!!!!!! He wants to separate you from all you love here on the earth and from your Daddy! This means that we should fight...I should fight against this world's system and get on track with the amazing plans my God has for me. =) Oh joyful that makes me....I treasure that gift of Joy God has given me because he wants me to pour over all I meet and come in contact with.

PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE IS GOOOOODD!!!! HE KNOWS YOU AND YOUR HEART...LET HIS PLANS BE YOURS! LET YOUR LIFE BE HIS! BE HIS!

Reflect on your life. Find the battles Satan is trying to win and FIGHT!!!!!!!! Call on the name of Jesus daily, love him wholely and surrender your life to Him. =) Be in awe of the beauty he's placed ALL AROUND YOU! Like today...its November the leaves are falling, the sun is out, the wind is blowing, and temperature is just right!

i love you all dearly and i pray that God blesses your days and weeks to come! =D

Do We Condemn or Love?

2009-10-28T12:31:00.000-07:00

Today is a new day filled with amazing opportunities to love our Daddy and love on people.

Yesterday held the same opportunities as today and some tried to "take advantage". The only problem was they used it as an opportunity to spread hate and not love. A "minister," I use that term lightly, decided to come to MTSU to speak. He was outside the KUC speaking, telling people they are not saved unless they stop sinning. It is impossible for a human to ever STOP sinning. We sin daily but we must lay them down at the foot of the cross. This man spoke horribly about homosexuals, unbelievers, and anything else he found was wrong in the world. He did not love the people he was speaking to but felt the right to condemn them to an eternity of pain and suffering in hell.

He spoke for about 45 minutes but im not sure since I didnt actually attend the speaking. A girl there wanted to ask him a question. He responded to her before she could ask," Are you saved?" Her response was,"No I am not a believer." He then told her he could/would not answer her question.

This man chose to try to "save" people by making them feel worthless and unloved by believers and by God. He missed the part of the Word that speaks about God's love and mercy. His forgiveness of sins and willingness to love the lost, the brokenhearted, and the unloved. How awesome is our God? This man portrayed the epitome of what a Christian or believer should not be like. Our human nature causes us to judge. He was becoming the judge. None of us are judges and none of us are without sin. We all fall short of the glory of God daily but we must lie at the feet of the Almighty and be found blameless in His Sight.

Not only did all of this happen but a girl pushed him down the stairs accusing him of groping her. None of us know that to be true but she was arrested and he is in the hospital. Wow! Thats what your thinking right now...

There are several things we must know: 1) We are to Love God, Love others. That is our first and most simple calling in life. 2) We must not judge others or condemn them to hell but in loving kindness help them find God. 3) We should pray for all of the parties that partook in this situation. The minister that he may see that condemnation is not the way to save but love is the way. The young girl and all the others that heard his message. May they not feel worthless but pray that they will look past this event. Last but not least...you should pray that God begins to move here and around the world.

LOVE YOU ALL AND GOD BLESS!

Fill us Up and Send Us Out!

2009-10-25T20:28:00.000-07:00

Strength in the midst of weakness is so available through our God. We cannot feel uncertain in our weakness. He declares us His and we must not fall into the ways of the world in our weakness. For if we rely on our Dad we will find great power, great strength, and great peace. Oh how beautiful is the sight of those dancing and leaning on God. There is beauty in the midst of suffering and peace, joy and the TRUTH. Rely not on your own understanding. Do we get it? It is HE WHO DWELLS WITHIN US THAT WE MUST RELY ON! We are made of flesh yet our God dwells in us using the imperfect to do His great work.

Our lives are not our own. We cannot stand on this earth declaring the name of our God yet living as we will. We must fall on our faces give thanks and lay down our lives for Him. We must be obedient and find our true purpose and self in Him our God! Praise Him in all you do. Listen to Him and find the secrets He has hidden. Let God reveal himself through you. shine the light. Be known to all that He LIVES IN YOU!!! You are not your own anymore....but His. He's yours and you are His! Be amazed at what he is able to do in the midst of your suffering. :) love him, dance with him, be in his presence, lean in, find the secrets, and read the truth!!

These are a few thoughts I had tonight while we were in the awesome service at Sunday PM. God showed up in amazing ways and really opened up eyes and hearts that have been blinded for so long. I wonder sometimes whether or not we are supposed to fully comprehend him ever...my guess is No. He is an eternal mystery full of grace and mercy. I feel like I'm called somewhere but where I'm not exactly sure. I want to go somewhere and be used but now is not the season. He will use me when the time is right which is not of my knowing. I am so excited to just GO...no regard for order just being obedient to my God. Hm...that's so comforting to me. He has me in His arms daily and is taking me an adventure. I am going to reach the lost and show those who have turned away the Way. He has given me a joy and a peace that overflow to those around me. I am blessed with these gifts and so many more that have not been revealed to me yet.

Where are you being called? What's he doing in your life right now? What gifts has he placed in you? How much do you want to fall madly in love with him? Answer these questions.

Pray. Be at peace and worry not. Fall in love and lean on Him daily. Seek His Word for it is the Truth... and HE IS LOVE!!!

Love you guys. Sorry its been so long. =)

Rockin My World and Having Meaning

2009-08-04T16:53:00.000-07:00

So today God ROCKED MY WORLD just like He said He would start doing. God spoke through one of my good friends, Carlos. He opened my eyes to what has been going on around me the last year and the poison that has been seeping into my body...sarcasm, perversion, tearing down, etc. All things that I have become accustomed to lately...sarcasm has always kind of been in my life but the rest nope...not really. God has really working on my heart and letting me know that I need to let go of some people and some things...I have not been completely obedient..half-doing. Losing people is hard but necessary sometimes. All I could do was breakdown and cry because it breaks my heart that things have come to pass like this.

I realized that I am just being enabled to continue my same old pattern by the people around me and Satan. He is telling me it is okay to continue my actions and thoughts which is false. It is not okay and it must be put to an end because I am not giving my all to God. I am not fully opening my heart to the plan He has for me. I continue to search and seek out what I think will satisfy and those things never will. Only what God provides will bring satisfaction.

Sunday night I worshipped like I haven't in ages...there was so much passion and renewal and then the next night I fell right back into the same ole stuff....not worth it or permanent. All wordly things will fade away and become dust.

James 5:1-6 "Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming upon you. Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. Look! The wages you failed to pay the workmen who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty. You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the day of slaughter.You have condemned and murdered innocent men, who were not opposing you."

Now that is a cut isn't it. Verse 3 is the real hard hitter..."Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire.." Dang...think about that...

Changing the flow of this page I wanted to bring up a quote that Carlos brought up. I will not be able to get it exact but basically Jesus does not do meaningless. So many of our conversations with people are empty and meaningless and if you think about it we might not ever see that person again. We must always be mindful of our conversation and avoid the awkward filler. We must fill our lives with deep meaningful and sometimes light-hearted conversation. Why not? Why waste words...why not fill someone's life with joy and life in itself...that sounds awesome. As you can tell I have a lot on my mind and God is continuing to show me some awesome things.

Another thing that was brought to my attention was that we are not to be comfortable with where we are with God...to be comfortable is to be completely content with you and God's relationship. That's silly. We should always want more and strive for a better loving relationship with Him. Yes we fall short of the glory of God but there is mercy and grace which Christ sacrificed himself for. Am I right? This is a topic that seems to come up often at SlowBurn because we must burn for HIM who created us! Isn't that crazy awesome! To love God with everything we have...Matthew 22:37 is a verse which is to be lived by...so LETS DO IT!!!

May God bless you and may you never stop pursuing His Love and Mercy....Its amazing and will fill all of the holes you're replacing with worldly things. LOVE YOU!

Random Thoughts for sure...

2009-07-22T23:13:00.000-07:00

Right now I am listening to "Hurricane" by Jimmy Needham. I feel like this song encompasses so much of what I want right now. I love it! "I need you like a hurricane. Thunder crashing wind and rain. To tear my walls down..I'm only yours now. I need you like a burning flame. A wildfire untamed...to burn these walls down...I'm only yours now, I'm only yours now." I feel like that is exactly what I'm doing...building walls...which is in no way good.

I guess I'm just tired of getting burned. Tonight one of my closest friends, Bri, my friend's cousin, and I were sitting at Starbuck's and asking questions...one being.."What are five words that describe your life?" Hm...I thought. These are the five I chose...SILLY, INTERESTED, PROTECTIVE, JOYFUL, and HONEST...I really think that sums me up.

I have a lot of thoughts right now and I'm not sure how I am going to sum them all up.

I guess I can start with how that song I mentioned kind of cuts me to the core. Sometimes I feel like I don't give him everything and I give myself to other things. It kind of ties in with the book I'm reading at the moment...Crazy Love. Its a challenging book and I have almost quit because its been messing me up. I think I might just have to start over. Its crazy how words on a page can change your perspective and challenge you. The book calls you out on things cannot even imagine...now that I think about it..I'm gonna go read...maybe then I can put a complete thought together.

I'm my own Worst Enemy!

2009-07-13T16:27:00.000-07:00

So this past week I went to Gulf Shores and just let me tell you that God was there. He showed up everywhere especially at night when Lindsey and I walked on the beach. I can feel His presence but at the same time I feel so far away from Him. I feel like somehow I am running from Him and the things He has for.

Last night God spoke to me and said that there are going to be challenges ahead and that I need to lean on Him because He has everything I need. How true is that? But why in the world don't I receive that sometimes. I was talking to Lindsey last night and I realized how much I make myself unhappy a lot of times. I purposely put myself in a bad mood...I feel like I shouldn't be happy....what gives me the right to be happy?....who gives me the right? Of course the answer is God, my Father and Savior. I cannot figure out why at this point in my walk I am struggling so much.

There is one person and situation in my life that I seem to be holding onto. I am letting the pain get to me and letting it rule my life. I am letting one small problem rule my world...why? Because if I let go of the pain I will possibly lose that friendship forever...it just doesn't seem fair. God told me that this situation would be hard for me but He just didn't say how hard.

I feel like I am going nowhere in my walk with God right now...that I have just stopped...not because I am content but because I don't know if I have the strength too. Taylor's cousin asked why its so hard for me to talk about it...I can't put my finger on it but for some reason to write it down on this page seems easier.

Have you ever felt like you were being crushed by yourself...that you aren't willing to let go and watch God work in your life? Why can't I do it on my own? What will happen if I try to? I know the answers to all of those questions...do I believe them or is it just knowledge.

So here's what God told me exactly..."Do not fear for I am the Lord! You saw my beauty all around you this last week. Challenge is ahead of you, it may seem impossible at the moment to think that you can get through and your right.....I see what's ahead for you and you must seek me. Its scary to lean completely on something unseen...but isn't it even greater that you can...because your Father will be holding your hand...."

To see that and hear it is comforting but to internalize it is hard right now. I think I have put my guard up to everything in my life except for a few people who God has led me to know and trust and confide in. I think that tonight should be an opportunity for me to reflect on what God has been saying in my life and sit and listen to Him. Read His Word and Meditate...worship Him...and like he told me DON'T WORRY!!!!!!!!!

Much love and God Bless....I'm praying that you may get through anything in your life that is hindering your walk with God...and that you seek Him daily.

Don't Worry, Be Joyful!

2009-07-01T20:08:00.000-07:00

So the last two days I've realized that worrying is completely pointless. The Scriptures even say that. Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Do not worry about anything but pray about everything...." For some reason I forgot that. That verse got me through my first two semesters of college and then all of sudden it became foreign to me. Silly me! All the things I have been dealing with and worrying about are problems that I should pray about and leave in His hands alone.

Why in the world should I try anything on my own or even try to figure out where my life is going by myself? I have the Creator of the Universe and My Father to help me with that. That is very comforting to me. I just have to remember that every day. Pray to God to remind me to not worry. Several people brought to my attention that the problems and things in my life that are bothering me right now are going to be insignificant..and honestly I am insignificant or at least I should be in God's eyes. I and the rest of the human race are screw-ups. We make wrong decisions every day but God brought us one of the greatest gifts by Jesus Christ coming to the earth and sacrificing himself...Grace and Mercy. Beautiful things.

So now I guess its my ability to lay down the things that are getting to me. Also, its my decision whether to be selfish or not. Lately that's what I've wanted to be...selfish. Why in the world should I be patient and willing to let God work when I want this and that. Ha....DUH MEGAN...He knows you better than you know yourself and He has bigger and better plans for you than you can even comprehend. You just have to be willing to dream big enough and have faith that He will bring you through....

I have now shared my revelation which I am sure I will have more than once in my life because worrying is one of my worst enemies in life...that and wanting what I know I don't need.

I don't know if this is going to help anyone but it sure is amazing to me how awesome God is....He shows/tells you exactly what He wants you to know whether you are willing to listen or not. He gave me a few people who kept saying the same thing over and over and I found a letter that someone wrote me a long time telling me not to worry but God's got it.

Ha.....just think...God knows what yours issues are...don't let them get you down...give them to God and know that He'll give you a solution, know that He loves you, and read James 1....the reoccurring scripture in my life.

God Bless and Much Love to you! Also, Happy Fourth!

Being Vulnerable...Sure Can Suck Sometimes

2009-06-29T21:11:00.000-07:00

So my status at the moment is exactly how I feel right now.....

Meg Elizabeth has a lot on her mind...doesn't need to run but find the meaning in it. Ha it was so much easier when i was willing to run away.

Wasn't it so much easier when you were a kid or even a young teenager. Your problems were easier to hide from or even better run from. You didn't think they would affect you or you thought they didn't matter that much.

I was that kid that not only ran from but overanalyzed every problem that came my way. It was my way of dealing. So as you can guess drama followed me everywhere...i could leave the state and it would still come to get me. That being said a lot has changed. Drama is something that at all costs I could love to not have in my life. Also, I think that running is something I've done for to long. I have been told that and can now see how much I cannot express myself to some people. Most people its super easy for me because they are either my best friends or someone that needs some insight on life. Those people who I could possibly get hurt by or could possibly be one of the most important people in my life are the ones I have trouble opening up to....hmm..wonder why?

I either open myself up like a volcano or I shut up and cannot even tell them how I feel. Once I do I become vulnerable something none of us like being. Being vulnerable is like putting your shield down in battle...makes pain/hurt more certain. I guess its gonna be part of our lives whether we like it or not....ha.

I guess being stepped on plenty of times makes you wanna just step back and find a hole to hide in and let silence rule your life or you open yourself up in the wrong ways...thinking that that will bring security when really your doing the first.

I don't know what compelled me to write this except that I am going through the hurt after being vulnerable. God said it would be tough and I see that now. You have to go through that valley to get to that beautiful meadow. I think I must go through this whether I want to or not. I have to move past it and I have to embrace the fact I might have lost something very important to me.

Writing this blog lets me open a side of me that not many people get to see. The side where its not all BUBBLES...ha...how I love to be joyful. I guess going through things in this world makes me wonder how people are okay with being human in this world. How do people think there is satisfaction in this world...destruction more like.

May I serve my God and only my God. The one who created everything around me and placed me where I am today. The one I must lean on at this very moment and the ONLY one that can heal the brokenness. Time does heal...I've discovered. I am better than I was a month or so ago but at the same time just as broken as before. Oh God please help me!

Much Love and God Bless!

Opportunities and Change

2009-06-26T08:29:00.000-07:00

So I feel that I am finding new opportunities all over the place and loving it entirely too much. God is awesome and opening up some cool doors for me. These doors will definitely without a doubt stretch me further than I have been in a long while. These things are for sure gonna have to have some prayer time put into them to make sure that I am ready to take these new ventures on but I am excited either way.

This last month has been full of storms and times of confusion like I wrote in my last entry but there is always light at the end of the tunnel. I have really started to dig into what God has for me in every part of my life whether it be Him speaking to me, His Word, or just a friend speaking life into me.

So today gave me new perspective on how God changes things in an instant. One of my friend's had a change in their job and its amazing how He brings about really awesome things along...that's when you have to be ready for a change in your life. Change...one of the words most people don't like to hear or even think about. I am beginning to think that that fear of change is why many of us feel like we cannot succeed in life or even in relationships....as we grow we mature...as we mature we change and become bolder in our relationship with God. We learn to stand our ground even when others are running. We learn that change brings about challenge and with that a strengthening in our relationship with God....

How the world turns...

Think about and answer three things...what opportunities is God placing in your life right now? Are you afraid of the change that comes with? Or are you ready to face the situation with God on your side?

That's all for now....Much LOVE and GOD BLESS!

Confused...and Patience.

2009-06-19T21:56:00.000-07:00

So its been quite awhile since I have written on here. Partly because for once I couldn't think of a thing to say and the other reason is because I didn't feel like it.

Right now at this moment I am so messed up with what God is doing in my life I could not tell you up from down. This past week I realized how much Satan attacks those that are seeking after God. He uses the human desires and thoughts and persuades us to put them into action. Whether we do or not is up to us. A few weeks ago I was in a completely different place than I am now...which is good and bad. I have realized that I must without any doubt give everything to God. The song, "With Everything," rings so true for us but at the same time we fall short of it every single day. I was on my way home from Natasha's tonight and I was listening to and attempting to worship to that song...but then I stopped myself. I cannot sing something that at the moment is not true in my life. I have to put every piece of my life in front of God and surrender it to Him daily.

The world is gonna try and tell you and me that our human desires are worth losing ourselves for....that is a complete and told lie. I almost lost myself this last week. I almost did....that scares me. Last night at SlowBurn when Clint was speaking I was convicted and I felt like I needed to repent and to give everything to Him...I am still figuring out things in my life. Of course God doesn't just show you ever part of His plan for you but as you grow and seek Him, He will reveal it to you. I am having trouble dealing with that. How in the world am I supposed to do that...He has repeatedly told me to be patient and to seek Him. I listen but I must obey before He will open my eyes to the things unseen to me.

Also last night I felt led to do a devotional which I haven't done in a couple of months....kind of like this blog. It was exactly what I needed....it was about temptation...very fitting for what I am going through. I know we are all tempted daily but Satan can sure make those temporary things look appealing. What God has for me though is permanent and amazing!!!! I am realizing that I cannot learn to be patient but I must become patient as one of my friends put it so well.

I am basically am confused as to where I am going and only God can show me the way...I alone can do absolutely nothing!!!! With my Father in Heaven I will find a new way and I will be loving, joyful and patient....Hallelujah! Praise my Father, my God, and my Savior.

Oh God I pray that you will work in a mighty way in my life and the lives of my friends and family. That the temptations and lies that will come to take us down will only make us stronger and willing to seek you more and more every day. I pray that what I realized this week will settle in my heart and mind and I will set my mind on you...make that EVERYTHING!!!!
I love you my beautiful Father and I know that you are working on your time and not mine...I must become patient and seek your Word and your Truth. Amen.

God Bless and Much Love.

Running....Oh How My Mind Is Running....

2009-05-20T22:02:00.000-07:00

So tonight I realized that some of my friendships are on the outs. I don't know exactly why...it could be me it could be them. Its just one of those things. I was driving home from my best friend LP's house and I got really sad because I realized that I am either losing friends or I am drifting..who knows.

My mind is running running running....I don't know what is up and what is down.

I guess its something I need to go through maybe... I don't know. Like my friend Nick's blog...He said GAY...and that I agree with. Sometimes I wonder how in the world I keep my head on straight. I guess I should stop rambling and just pray...

Goodnight!

Change and Love.

2009-05-12T09:46:00.001-07:00

I have no written in what seems like ages. I have been consumed by school and dealing with some things that whether I think this is true were life-altering. I do think that change sparks a person's ability to get fired up. Me...I'm getting there. I have told several of my friends that I've noticed that minus a few friends....they've all changed over the last few months. I've grown closer to some and further from others. It saddens me to lose friends but I guess its just a part of good ole' life.

Last Thursday at SlowBurn really got me fueled up. Clint has been speaking about sleeping giants and we basically woke them from there slumber. Something that has been dormant in me is my joy and peace. I am just a overflowing person with joy and lately I've been missing that. I think partly is because I am saddened by some of the changes that have occurred in my life recently. But God spoke to me saying that, "Don't look at this change as a loss but a gain." I guess that's how we really must look at it...a gain. People all over the place think that change is something that can only bring hard times. Well, they need to think about this...one of the biggest changes a person ever makes is choosing to follow Christ and be in relationship with Him. Is that change bad? I don't think so. Its the best decision ever! I mean they have to look at all the positive changes. Yes, hard times come and go but that's part of the ride we call life. Its not supposed to be all overly optimistic but joyful and ready to pursue the course of life given even though its tough sometimes.

I have learned a lot about myself and a lot about where my passions lie. I cannot tell you how blessed I feel to know that God has called to be a light unto the world. As Christians I find that we forget what our purpose is on this earth. That is to be the light in a dark world and help show people the biggest change of all...finding God. First and foremost though Christians are missing what Christ said was the greatest command, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." If we do not do this first...then we are missing out on something great. If we fully give ourselves over to God and build an amazing relationship with Him then we will automatically shine His light and we won't even realize it.

Just think about your relationship with God and where it is headed. Think of His GREAT PLANS for you.....

God Bless and Much love.

Bringing me through and the light at the end of the tunnel.

2009-04-16T08:27:00.000-07:00

This morning I was coming home from school when I got the urge to sing. I began to sing Revelation Song which is one of those songs that just gets you in the mood to worship. I then began to sing one of the little songs I've written. That song embodies what my walk with God is all about. It speaks about how God will always be, he'll never forsake me, he'll hold my hand, he'll lift me up, and put me back on solid ground. Then I can stand strong and know that I can get through anything because God is eternal. How awesome right?! I sure think so. Then I began thinking and praying and realizing how this song rings true at this very moment. For the past two months I have been traveling through a valley that seemed to have no end in sight. I had tried and tried to fix it myself and this morning I realized that I had to give it God and then the situation would be okay. I mean I might have been hurt, lost a friend and all of that but I did learn many things about myself and others around me through this. I realized that I am stand strong and lean in to my God in those times even more but I am also to continue that even when life is great.

Right now it is. I am so happy..wait joyful is a better word. I am okay with what happened. I don't know why it had to but it did. Maybe one day the person and I can gain a friendship back but I think for now we are where we are. I have placed it at the altar of my God and I have given my thoughts. Now, it is up to this person to be okay with it. I have forgiven her because I cannot in any way continue forward if I don't. I am not one who wants bitterness and anger in her life.

This past week God has brought into my life new friends and old friends. I have regained the balance in my life and am beginning to understand why things happen. God would and will never purposely put hurt, pain, illness, etc. in our lives but Satan does. He wants us to fail miserably but that's where God comes in. He will bring you through it and even give a solution, a new understanding, and a renewed spirit and mind. Through the struggles of life we learn to trust in God, trust in those who we are close to, and trust in ourselves. If we cannot do that then we become completely lost.

We live in a world where putting people down and judging them is acceptable. Is that supposed to be acceptable to us? ABSOLUTELY NOT! We are to live in a world of our own in a way by setting an example for each other and nonbelievers by speaking life and accepting people for who they are. Of course there are going to be times when that is a struggle. Think of how amazing our world would be if we could be positive and bring it out of its depression/oppression. Our country seems to be full of people who are giving up or gave up long ago on the God of Creation. They think he failed them in some way but really they gave up on Him. God works in his time not ours. That is something else I feel that is wrong...we are impatient. Why? God will work if we seek him with all we have and not lean on the world for help. There is a saying that Patience is a virtue. Why aren't we patient anymore? One big reason is because our society is busy busy busy busy. We are always going. If you go up North to somewhere like New York and your from the South you feel like they are rude because of our "Southern hospitality." We are so used to people greeting each other in some way and saying excuse me when they bump into us. Up there that is not the way they do it. Some do but only some. New Yorkers are used to the hustle and bustle of that city and we aren't. That was a bunny trail sorry. Back to patience...we lack it because we are busy and because most of us grew up getting what we wanted. Our parents treated us well but especially right now...they are lacking discipline. There are thousands upon thousands of children who throw fits because they aren't getting what they want when they want...why? Because they know that their parents will give in because they are tired of hearing them fuss. Wow! Pathetic if you ask me.

Well, now that I am done ranting about patience and what not I will sum up how I feel right now. I went through these last couple months to find myself, gain a deeper relationship with God and the people in my life, and to realize that sometimes things don't go our way....patience, seeking God, and letting go are things that help you out there. I have gained more than I lost. I really wish that our friendship would have lasted and maybe one day it will be able to regain momentum but right now...the season has come and gone.

THANK GOD FOR BRINGING YOU THROUGH THOSE HARD TIMES AND THANK HIM FOR THE BLESSINGS LIKE BEING HERE AT THIS MOMENT! LIVE LIFE WITH PASSION, PATIENCE, LOVE, and THE UNDERSTANDING THAT THINGS HAPPEN!

God Bless and Much Much Love to you all!

Discovering Yourself and God through Your Problems and Obstacles!

2009-04-11T21:18:00.000-07:00

Thoughts are running through my mind quickly so if I leave anything out I'm sorry...=)

The other day I began to read a book called Wide Awake. In chapter two, "Discover," I got a wake up call. It says, " Maybe what you need right now is to recognize God created you to be adaptable and expandable. No matter how big your obstacles or challenges are, God created you to find a solution to overcome them. Now I know some of us love spiritualizing things, as in, 'Well, God will solve the problem.' But God rarely solves the problem with people who just say, 'If God wants it solved, he'll do it.' Instead, he seems to solve the problem with people who don't give up. Have you ever noticed that."

I sat and thought about it for awhile and the obstacles that I am going through cannot be solved by me and I cannot just hope God will fix it. I have to work with God and pray and seek His counsel. I have to live and drip my Heavenly Father all the while working through the situation. I know what is going on in the end will seem trivial. Being hurt is something that is hard to handle sometimes especially by a close friend. I know that God will bring me through it but I also know it takes effort on my part also. God may prepare my heart but I have to take the action and speak with the person who hurt me.

The last couple of Thursdays at SlowBurn Clint has said this: "Just because something is offensive...doesn't mean you are to offended." Wow! That sure did hit home for me. How many times have I been offended by something that in the end was nothing but a silly comment or action. But then I guess that is where my dramatic half comes in which is no good. A lot of times when we become offended we hold onto those things that offended us. Whether it is the person that offended us or the comment/ action made. This brings about feelings of anger, pain, and bitterness that can ruin us. They suck the life out of you and you begin to focus more and more on that offense. I have been there and until you give it God and deal with issue you will not be rid of those feelings.

At this point in my life I want to mature but this book Wide Awake is making me realize that maturity isn't being serious all the time but growing in your relationship with God and realizing where boundaries lie. Chapter two, Discover, is all about the explorer within us. If we stop being curious then we stop learning and experiencing newness in our relationship with God. Clint also spoke about being comfortable with where we are in our relationship with God and I think that that is where I have been. I was pressing through and then a problem came about and instead of saying to myself, "I need to seek harder and trust in my God," I said, "I'm okay here and I can try to fix it and if I feel like it I can work on my relationship possibly." I was going the completely wrong direction. The situation with my friends that I am/was going through was affecting pretty much every aspect of my life and that is not good. I became numb and complacent and though it wasn't long before I realized I needed to do something, it was still a problem.

My devotion today was called, "Circumstances." It says, "Much of what happens in life, whether insignificant or catastrophic, is beyond your control. But you can choose how you will respond to these situations. Instead of being infuriated by your own inability to alter events, be thankful that God is all-powerful and has control over all things. He can change the circumstances or give you the strength to endure them." How awesome is that. I love how God works. He uses every resource possible to get you to realize what the solution is or what a better way to handle the situation is. He has used Scripture, my devotional, a book, a few amazing people, and a pen and paper. It all comes down to my willingness to lay everything down at His feet and walking with Him through the situation not being defeated by everything going on. I feel in a way that is what I was doing...I was letting Satan win a battle that could effect me in a major way. I now see that Satan was planning on destroying my friendships, my will to fight, my peace of mind, etc. So many things were at stake and the biggest thing was my identity in Christ. I was being controlled by the problem not I controlling it. I guess controlling isn't the best word maybe solving....yea solving. I wasn't looking for a solution I was just letting the problem stew. The problem has not fully gone away but it is getting better for me at least. I am realizing what I need to do.

I guess this sums up what is running through my mind and what is in my heart at this very moment. I mean there is probably a lot more. Just think, "Wouldn't it be wonderful if, when we saw a problem, we assumed we were to be part of the solution? Seeing a problem only lets you know where your limits are if you don't solve it. Problems, obstacles, and challenges can either become the markers of our limits and limitations, or they can become the springboard into a whole new world." -Wide Awake. Let that quote fill your mind with thoughts. Why look at a situation as limiting but instead think of it as a growing process. Discovering something new. Something God-filled. He might not create your problems but he does have solutions and something better to come out of it.

Know this...Don't let your problem take control of your life but look to God and seek Him...Together both of you will solve it.

Also remember the Scripture, Philippians 4:6-8....It'll help you along...I can promise you that.

Pray, seek, read, praise, be thankful, dance, lean in, and grow in your Lord daily.

God Bless and Much Love.

Life is Crazy!

2009-04-06T09:36:00.000-07:00

So I haven't been writing as much these last few weeks. I have had a lot going on and I guess writing on here would have helped but I just never did. I have been trying to figure out how to deal what is going on in my life right now and I know that God is the only option. I have been struggling to jump head first into a relationship with God. The other night at SlowBurn God really spoke to me. The last two weeks has been really taxing on my emotions, partly because I put all the burden on me and partly because I am/was at a breaking point.

I know now that all I can do is push through because at the end of this dark tunnel is a bright light that is full of peace. I am missing that at the moment or at times. I am trying to deal with a situation in a way God would find pleasing but that can only happen if I prepare my heart and mind. Set my heart on what is "right and true." I always go back to Philippians 4:6-8 because it is sort of my verse for life. It sums up how much faith we are to have in God and what we are to set our hearts on. How amazing!

Right now I feel like my heart has broken into pieces but I know that God is a God who mends. He will build me up from right now. I know in my heart of hearts and because God told me that all of this is happening for a reason that is unknown to me at the moment. I know that I need to lean in and dance with my Father. He will lift me out of the pit...give me strength. He told me that he has given me what I need and I need to look at it and use it.

In Psalm 56, it says this: " ³ But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you. ⁴ I praise God for what he has promised. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me?....

⁸ You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.

⁹ My enemies will retreat when I call to you for help.
This I know: God is on my side!
¹⁰ I praise God for what he has promised;
Yes, I praise the Lord for what he has promised.
¹¹ I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?
What can mere mortals do to me?

¹² I will fulfill my vows to you, O God,
and will offer a sacrifice of thanks for your help.
¹³ For you have rescued me from death;
you have kept my feet from slipping.
So now I can walk in your presence, O God,
in your life-giving light.

This psalm is my prayer right now. It is very relevant to what is happening and what God is/has done for me. All I can is as verse 13 says..."walk in your presence, O God, in your life-giving light." How beautiful the psalms are. Last night Austin Cagle said that when you don't know what to pray...there is a psalm to pray and for me right now that is so true. I thank God for all he is doing and I pray he will prepare my heart to speak what I'm feeling without condemnation. I am going to continue to pray and dig into my word.

God Bless and Much love.

disneyworld thoughts

2009-03-30T21:42:00.000-07:00

So this weekend I have been in Disneyworld. I realized some things about myself that I need to strengthen and my strengths. I don't know why God works the way he does but either way its amazing! Happiness is within me yet I am very sad about how I treat people sometimes. Sometimes I think that we are tested. And in thise times we can either fail or pass. This weekend in many ways I passed by helping out a friend and just having a blast. At the same time I feel like I contradicted myself because I would say something and then go do it. I guess in all reality.we all fail dailyn I just hate we do. Well guys I guess I'll write more later because I'm typing on my friend brittanys little blackberry keyboard!!!!

Much love and God Bless.

My Prince.

2009-03-21T19:46:00.000-07:00

Who will God place in my life and then one day he will become my prince charming? I am wondering that right now. I know that God has someone amazing and I pray that that person is pursuing God like I am and that once we meet/grow in our friendship we can build a strong relationship with each other with a foundation based on God.

I am praying that God will help me realize that I haven't met or am not ready to know who I am to be with at this moment in my life. I know when the time is right it'll come...patience, prayer, seeking, and loving life....those are things I need to do at the moment.

Random thoughts running through my mind.

Trusting...the Hardest thing sometimes...but...

2009-03-21T12:14:00.000-07:00

Have you ever woken and realized that at this moment you are unhappy. I did today. I realized that I wasn't happy...I mean I am overall but some things are so taxing on a person..ya know? I know that all I have to do is surrender to God and pray to him for everything. Trust in Him and things will be okay even though you are going through a shadow right now. I now realize that that is one of the hardest things for me...I believe in my God and His ability to heal and make new. God has met me so much in the last few months and I know without a doubt he is working in my life....he is "stripping away the comfortable and placing me in a place where I can get the best of Him and Him of me." Wow! That's amazing!

The other night the only thing that God would say to me was "SHOW LOVE." Where does that put me? I guess I should figure that out. Being tested sucks at the time but in the end it will be amazing if you pass. God is going to work in your life and mine in many ways....good times and bad. Right now I am dealing with the bad right now and I know that if I continue to push forward and press through the barriers that I have put up and that I have allowed to become part of my life then it will get better in the end. That is my prayer right now. If you are going through a time of doubt, pain, confusion, loss, distraction, etc. all you can do is pray. Sounds easy but sometimes its hard to surrender to someone even your Heavenly Father who already knows the true desires and thoughts of his son/daughter.

I guess the tears will pass and the thoughts will pass and God will be glorified!

God Bless and Much Love

Getting Lost...Finding Home.

2009-03-18T20:48:00.000-07:00

Tonight I left to head to Spring Hill for worship practice for SlowBurn. Little did I know I was about to get lost...like way lost! I ended far from my destination. Then as I decided to turn around I found a new road and decided to take a chance....and then another. I then I found my way to a familiar place where I knew where I was. I then noticed I was 9 miles from the exit I started at....wow! I then preceded to get off the exit and take the opposite turn....then finding a familiar intersection that led to four different places. Where I had come from....the road straight ahead, to the left and the right. I knew where all of them led me and I chose the straight one but quickly I changed my direction because I realized that the original left option was the most familiar of the four. I took that it and led to a place of memories and familiarity.

Hm...how awesome is that? I mean at the time it was horrible because I was lost but I knew God would get me back to somewhere comfortable and familiar. After an hour of being lost and being in the middle of nowhere I called my best friend Lindsey Pfeifer. She helped me realize that I needed to turn around and go back to where I came from.

All of that being said I realized that this seems to have been my path lately. Like I spoke about the other day about being disoriented...I think this was God telling me to find that comfortable and familiar path that leads to Him and the plans He has for me. There are a lot of twists and turns, struggles, panic, and feelings of being unsure ahead but trust in Him and everything will be okay. I am to lean on those he has placed in my life like Lindsey without getting offended.

Wow! What an eye opening experience a two hour being lost experience will get you. I realized tonight that when God told me to fight...he meant with Him not on my own like I have been the last couple of weeks. Yes, I have been seeking Him and turning to His Word for help but I have been putting too much weight and pressure on myself to fix it. I can't fix it or change anything but lay down what I have at God's feet and fight....press forward. Seek Him harder than I have in a long time! Sounds like a plan now I just have to do.

I know that within me is the will to get through everything in my life yet part of me doubts and that is where I know I am being attacked...DOUBT....a HUGE WEAPON of the ENEMY!! I pray against the doubt that is attacking and I pray for security and true knowing that God is with me. I pray that I will feel His persence move in a mighty way in the next couple of weeks...and months...and years...to come! I know my God is the Creator of Heaven and of Earth. I know he is my Father and my Lover. I know he will Never Leave Me Nor Forsake Me! I pray that I will have faith and believe what I know with EVERYTHING I HAVE!!!! God I pray for Faith, Love, Patience, Compassion, The Knowing of Deserving something better than I have.

If you feel disoriented....pray...seek....have faith....and find someone you can talk to!

God Bless and Much Love.

Good Advice

2009-03-17T20:21:00.000-07:00

So college...what a crazy thing. First you have no assignments and then all of sudden a flood of tests come your way! Not cool! Tonight I was studying for my Anatomy Lab Practical and will continue to study after I get done writing and I thought to myself...do I really wanna study? I texted one of my friend's mom who is an amazing woman of God and her name is Stephanie. =)

I always talk to her about procrastinating because she always just tells me DONT DO IT! Ha...that sounds too easy. I was expecting a text back and then came an unexpected phone call....yay me! She told me I should make a list of pros and cons to see which would be the better route for me. Of course....studying is the smart way to go. We continued talking about whats been going on in my life and how I felt like everything was changing and being taken away just when I thought I had a good balance of school, friends, family, my walk with God, etc. She said that maybe what I think is a good balance might not be that of my God. He might have completely different plans for me. Hm...that made me think about everything that has been going on in my life these past three weeks. I told her I just feels like its been struggle after struggle and she gave me some good meat to chew on. she spoke to me about how sometimes God takes away certain things so that we can get the best we possibly can from Him and with Him. He might and probably won't permanently remove that something/someone but those hard times those struggles could just be God telling to focus on Him. I also talked about how I have been praying to let go of what's going on in my life and I feel like I still am holding on to the ends of it. I then was told that I need to pray that God will let me know when it is being taken so that I can let go of it. I mean I think I have said before that sometimes I pick up things that I have felt in the past and they then affect how I act and who I can be. Lately, I haven't been as bubbly but somewhat sad. Everything seems to have collapsed on my shoulders and I don't like it. I know that life is a learning process and that through life we must lean on God and listen to Him which is something I put on hold when I was dealing with some of my issues these last few weeks...BAD IDEA! I needed to lean in harder than ever before which is what I know I must do now to accomplish my goal to grow closer and fall in love with my God.

I guess that's all for now. God Bless and Much love.

Disoriented and Lost

2009-03-16T21:19:00.000-07:00

So its been several days since I have written. I have had a lot on my mind and I guess I just haven't spilt it onto a page. I have been pressing in with God or trying but at the same I feel like I am falling apart. Last night Austin Cagle spoke at Sunday PM where we are talking about Finding True East. True East...the path which God has placed before you. He talked about being disoriented....in the wrong direction. He gave the example of a pilot getting one little degree of course and ending up thousands of miles from the destination he set out to get to. It seems like that is what is going on with me. These past few months I have been growing in my relationship with God and then all of sudden just when He is really working in my life Satan comes at me full force. Not only does he come at me but my friends...which pains me because I am in such a bad spot that I cannot even help them it seems. Maybe just being there is good enough and praying for them.

I am one of those people who loves giving advice and listening to whats going on in peoples lives. At this point, I don't think I could give advice to a rock. Its like there is a really big door and I keep knocking and knocking and I am getting nowhere. I feel like all of these obstacles make up this door and each one is a lock on the door....this means there are a lot of them. Its crazy to think that Satan can throw so much in your face at one time and especially when you are seeking God with everything you have. Suck a duck!!!!!!!!!!! Like for real....I cannot even fathom the evil within him. I will continue to press in and seek God...I will not try but I will DO!!!!

I look at one of my friend's and I seek heartbreak written all over her. It hurts me even more to know that my best friend is going through hard times. I mean life isn't perfect and people aren't either. She is one of the most amazing people to ever walk into my life and I hope that God keeps her right next to me. She doesn't need any attacks from Satan and I pray my hardest that God will take away pain, sadness, hurt, doubt, the thought of failing, etc. I think that together we can stand against the Father of Lies and take hold of our lives. We are strong women of God with the will to win the fight which is exactly what God wants us to do.

Clint Thomas prayed for the other night at SlowBurn and God spoke through him which is what I needed. God is amazing and I know that if I can unlock those doors that I will be able to overcome this dark time. Remember when I talked about being broken and how God was breaking me....I got broken, began to seek God, and am not going through a valley where there seems to be no end. I know I am not the only person in this world that is going through this and I do not feel sorry for myself...I just pray....seek....and love God with everything I have. The past couple of days I dont feel like I have done that to my best ability. Last night at PM I worshipped harder than I had in a long time and tried my hardest get past all of the thoughts goin on in my head. I really think that Satan was starting to win this weekend because I fell into an old habit and I felt like I failed all of my close friends. I told them about it and prayed that God would forgive me. I knew within my hearts of hearts that it was wrong but I did it anyway....the temptation was strong and I was weak even though I was seeking God.

Well, I guess I'm gonna go to bed since my besties are wanting some sleep....more thoughts later.

Much love and God Bless

With Everything We Seek His Word

2009-03-11T19:38:00.000-07:00

I want you to stop and think of a time when everything was perfect....isnt easy is it? There are times in your life and mine where God is moving with an amazing force and then all of a sudden your attacked. Like in my last blog I explained what happened this last week....Now I WANT TO SEEK MY GOD EVEN HARDER, WITH GREATER PASSION, WITH GREATER LOVE! That is where Satan messes up...He can attack but he will not prevail because he is not God. He brings pain not peace. I think you would agree that peace is amazing and pain is never desired by one human being.

Yesterday I was doing my devotional and I had bought a book a couple weeks ago with daily devotionals. I had missed four devotionals do to the distractions and my forgetfulness to push through even harder at the moment. Every single one of them had to do with my last week...even in the slightest. Two of them had the verse of Philippians 4:8. I know verses 6 and 7 because I try and read them every day when I get into car because they are written on a notecard that is on my visor. I cannot forget about that next verse though because it says,"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." That is amazing. Verses 6 and 7 tell us not to worry about anything but pray about everything giving thanks to God and asking him for our every need. Then we will experience peace which passes all we can understand. This peace will then guard our hearts and our minds.

So the three main things you are told you recieve or are able to have: 1. the ableness to pray to God for anything not having any worries, 2. a peace which passes all understanding, and 3. thoughts full of truth, honor, rightness, pureness, lovliness, and admiration.....wow!

How could we not want to dig into our word and find things such as this. If we aren't looking for answers in our Word and in prayer but in the world...Satan is beginning to win the battle and God is losing countless to the world.....The answer is for us to fall on our knees seeking God with everything. And looking to His Word for guidance and answers to the questions of our heart. They are there and you might not find them when you first look but God will reveal them to you in time. Seek and pray....always!

God Bless and Love you all!

My Week.

2009-03-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

This past week has been a week of pain, sadness, and confusion. It felt like the world was caving in on me. I wanted to figure out why all this was happening to me and deep down inside I knew. I knew that Satan was coming after me full force telling me that I wasn't good enough and all I wanted to do was sit in a hole away from the world and cry. Wow! Horrible solution. So I prayed. and prayed. and prayed. It felt like there was a wall there.

This week two of my close friends found an interest in each other and to me that was a hit bigger than any of the other things going on. Both knew how I felt and I decided within myself that I wasn't okay but I can't stop anything from happening so I gave the go ahead not realizing how hard it was going to be. I talked to one of them who has been one of my really good friends for a long time yesterday and really opened up to what was going on inside my head. I realized that Satan was saying, "He didn't choose you. You are not worth it to him." Well think of how I reacted....I shutdown big time. Not talking or communicating. I just sat there unless a few of my friends were there. I tried to handle it the best I could but what am I supposed to do when I feel like I'm not good enough. I prayed and prayed again trying to press in but it felt like there was a barrier. At Sunday PM I could feel God's presence but I couldn't get past all of Satan's lies that were pouring through my brain. So when I talked to my friend I got a lot of it off my chest and that helped out a lot. I got to really push through some of the things going on.

Now....is the hard task. I must talk to the one person I shut out more than anyone else the whole week. I explained how I felt and I felt that she heard me but didn't understand. I told her I'm not okay and won't be sometimes realize that but know that I am dealing with the situation and that you can go ahead with the feelings you have. ...therefore I think me shutting down wasn't a terrible thing because it was do that or just be angry to everyone...and thats not fair.

I have a lot of praying to do these next weeks to come where I need to start pressing through this wall that I started building up. TIME. That's what it will take. I just feel like this was just one of the billion things Satan was doing. He also lit a match to the problems I was having with my family. He threw gas on the little fire of doubt he already had going in my mind.

I pray that you stay strong with things going on in your life. I haven't cried or been upset like this in forever....to top my week off one of my closest friends left...BACK TO ENGLAND! That kills since he was one person I could let it all loose with....no fronts...not that fronts are good because they aren't.

I don't know if I have handled anything right this week but I hope I have. I pray that God will be with me and work with me.

God Bless and Love to you.

Hearing from my Abba Father.

2009-03-05T22:09:00.000-08:00

Tonight was one of those nights where God filled SlowBurn with great intensity. The past couple of days have been attack after attack for me. I was waiting on Kallie to get ready today and I took a walk in my neighborhood. I was walking barefoot which is the most important part of the time I spent with God today before SlowBurn. God spoke to me saying that the rocks I step on when I talk on the concrete are like the little problems/issues you have that hurt you for a split second and sometimes the pain lasts. That is what my issues were/are like. I have to be willing to get over the hurting...walk over the bridge of rocks to the land of smooth sand.

Back to SlowBurn....tonight God really spoke to me in several ways. First he told me, "You have been stepping on these small stones. The stones that hurt for ust a second can leave a mark. Your hurt is deep and you have it to me but every now and then you pick it up again. STOP! I will let you know when the time is right. Satan's attack is strong but I am more powerful than any of his attacks. They are meager to what I can do. I can deliver you, use, and bring you a peace that you cannot even comprehend. Drip me! You will find what I have for you. Do not hold onto the things that hinder you from seeking my name and fulfilling your purpose." Second, he helped heal a relationship between a friend and me. Now we can be friends and build a relationship which God will find more than acceptable!

So basically God is speaking and working in my life like crazy. Satan doesnt like it and he is attacking but I know that God will pull me through.

God Bless. I pray you will LEAN IN and GIVE GOD EVERYTHING!!!

Much love.

Peace and God's Hands

2009-03-04T23:00:00.000-08:00

Why can't we grasp that everything is in God's hands....we stupidly try and do things ourselves like we are in control. Yes, we have the will to do things but we should lean on God. These past few days I havent been seeking God like I should and I haven't been leaning in to listen.

Yesterday...hm....what can I say...I don't know how else to handle it. I wrote about how all I could do was sit there and cry.....I mean that's not a bad thing but why was I not seeking God at that very moment.

I just want everything to stop for a minute and I want to be alone in a place God and I do not have to talk to anyone else...just me and my God. That is what I plan on doing tonight at Slow Burn. I was told I am selfish and I have been told that I do not care about people and then all of sudden its "okay." No talk no nothing. I mean that solved...hmm..nothing. I wanted to talk but it just didnt seem to work for that person. A test...could this be a test? Possibly. God why can't this all disappear???? Why can't I just be with people who don't even think about hurting me? Why do "your friends" hurt you apologize and do it again? I have no clue...maybe selfish satisfaction....and maybe its just because they don't care. I would hate to think that someone doesnt care for me but it happens. I hate feeling so upset, so angry about something. I pray that God's peace will come over me......DEAR GOD LET ME HAVE YOUR PEACE WHICH PASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING!!!!!!!!!

The most awful thing just happened. Satan attacked me in a way that he hasn't in a long time. He trapped me in the darkness so to speak where only God can get me out of. It was a numbing and painful experience literally...wow! To think I was able to ask for my God, "God God where are you?" It one of those moments when Satan is whispering in your ear..."YOUR ALONE AND GOD IS NOT HERE" I knew that wasn't true because I believe with all heart that Christ is my Saviour and Lord and that Christ is within me not the powers of Satan. Cast out I say in Christ's name.....AMEN!!! Thank God for my amazing friend Lauren and her helping hand...and being brought back into the light by my Daddy. =)

Complicated and Tears....Strength and Peace

2009-03-03T22:40:00.000-08:00

For some reason I feel like no matter what I do it will never get better. I just want everyone to be happy and content with their lives not wanting to lose or hurt anyone. I am so sorry to those people who I've kept from reaching their goals and getting what they want. I can't please everyone and I don't know what else to do. Why in the world is everything so complicated? It would be so much easier if people wouldn't play with other people's feelings or hurt each other. I don't know what I did to deserve feeling so awful. I feel like I am keeping someone from something but I don't know what to do. Lose a friendship over something temporary or try to work it out. Obviously, its the first one at the moment. I don't get why people complicate situations that aren't that difficult.

I love my friends so much and would do anything for them even if it meant that I might not be happy for awhile. I mean you can't please everyone and I get that but what do you do when your given an ultimatum....stand up for yourself or just walk away.? I would think it would be the first but when your hurting inside all you want to do is walk away. Easy right? NO! It just complicates things and leaves all of those feelings pent up inside you not able to get out....then the bitterness begins to come...who wants that? It sucks. I had let go of all of these feelings and moved on and then the situation comes back like a cannon ball in the stomach. You have no idea where it came from or why but you do know that you need to get rid of it......HOW? Well, thats something that I want to figure out...I want to know how I can feel better about it.....If you have any thoughts let me know.

Actions....our actions are one of the most important things we have. Every moment we live out is an action...how we speak, what we do in a situation, and our reaction to the struggles in life. For instance, today a good friend and I got into a really big fight and almost lost our friendship. I was absolutely crushed and then on top of that I have had a lot with family. All I could do was cry, sit there and cry. I had to let it out...now me and my friend are better and well...God has my family issues. I don't know why I'm rambling....every action impacts someone somehow I think....to an extent. I pray that I have handled these situations correctly but I guess I can only fall to God for pure peace and strength. I think the devil is working double time in me and my friend's life and I think that all we can do is pray and lean on God and each other for support. I guess thats not much about the lesson but I just wanted you to know where I am right now. With all of this I also have to lead tomorrow night at SlowBurn and I am excited but super nervous and I guess doubt is entering my mind about it. Yet another attack. Today is hard and there is added stuff with Nick leaving soon! OH GOODNESS!!! Its just so overwhelming. Why now I ask myself? But I know...Its because I am accomplishing something in my relationship with God. WOW! I guess that's a revelation and therefore I guess my friend is too. Hmm...We should stand strong and let God lead us through this time. Thank you God for your peace which will come with seeking and prayer!

If you ever have a day where everything is going wrong just know its ok to cry and prayer is needed.

Much Love and God Bless

Love Divine!

2009-03-01T20:55:00.000-08:00

Love. Something that I find intriguing. Tonight at Sunday PM Pastor Michael Alfred was talking about "agape" love. He said that means that you have made a deliberate decision to love that person...you've made up your mind. He then said that in 1 John it talks about only Christians know true agape love or can show it. We are called as Christians to show love to others so that we can bring out the best in them. A lot of times I think that we live life trying to please everyone never pushing forward telling the God honest truth. Why? Why please people are lost within the world when we are to help bring them to the light.

I sit and wonder how people can live their lives in a friendship, relationship, marriage unhappy and uncommitted. People like to find the easy way out of everything or they want to fight to make it work but aren't using God's full help. We should fall in love deliberately not by feeling or passion. Of course those things should be in all relationships but commitment and true love is the most important. How amazing would the world even just the United States if we all learned to love that way. That means every Christian showing agape love to everyone they came in contact with. That means no harsh words, patience, truth, honesty, compassion, kindness, forgiveness,etc. How cool would that be?! I think that once we build our relationship with Christ to a point where we are confident and sure that He will never leave us then we can find that peace and love within us. God calls us to AGAPE Him with everything we have and AGAPE our neighbors as ourselves....so let's do it. Once we have accomplished that then we can all TRULY live.

Back to thinking He will leave us. I know that deep within ourselves once we begin a relationship with God we know He is there. I just think that sometimes especially when we are new at the whole relationship with God that we sometimes can doubt that He is there for us always. His Word might say that He will never leave nor forsake us but sometimes I feel that we forget that. We try to put everything on our own shoulders and try to overanalyze and fix everything ourselves. That was me all the time...I would sit and think and think about something trying to fix it myself. I now have changed. I mean I do it sometimes of course because we are imperfect creatures but every single day now I give to God my day and thank Him for life. I have realized that God really can DO THE IMPOSSIBLE! He can fix any problem whether its the solution you were looking for or not and he can give you "peace that passes all understanding." WOW! Let God do that in your life it truly brings a fresh breath and joy to your life.

Tonight we sang one of my favorite songs ever He Loves Us. OH MY! The chorus says, "He loves us oh how he loves us." How true it is that God LOVES us. Not only by agape but by phileo, "feeling" love. That excites me and sets my feet to dancing and my heart to singing. Think about it we have someone who we may not be able to see but can "feel" in a sense and can believe in with everything. So let us live life with joy and let God work and LOVE US AND WE LOVE HIM!!!!!!!

God Bless and Much Love.

God and His Unbelievable Beauty!

2009-02-27T08:43:00.000-08:00

Have you ever sat and listened to a storm unafraid because you know your in the safety of your own home? If you haven't do it next time there's a storm. Life is full of beauty everywhere rain or shine. Today is a rainy day and a lot of times people think rainy days are icky and they can be if your unprepared but think of what rain is for. It is quench the earth of its dryness....thats really cool. I sit and wonder sometimes why people seem to hate nature. Why? I mean its something that God has placed all around us and we should cherish that. Go outside, sit down, and look at your surroundings....I live in an area with lots of trees and barely any street lights. In the day its cool to see the wind blow through the trees and the little animals scurrying on the ground. The coolest thing ever though is coming home to six deer just hanging out in your yard and watching them...what beautiful creatures.

Another something that everyone should try is going outside where its super dark and looking at the stars...stand in shock and awe of the billions of stars in the sky and their distance and beauty.

If you ever start doubting that God exists look outside and stop.....Take a deep breath and try to figure out what other explanation you can come up with for why the earth is so amazingly beautiful. I think God put the stars, the trees, the sunsets/sunrises, etc. here for us to be in awe of Him and his creation. Think how horrible the world would be if there weren't these things...it would be icky...really bad.

Be in AWE of the One who created everything and then pray to God thanking Him for the beauty around you.

(Above Inspired by Ben's Blog)

God Bless and Much Love

Christ in You and A Word.

2009-02-24T16:58:00.001-08:00

Today I have been thinking a lot about why God places people in your life. I was sitting in my best friend, Lindsey's dorm and I realized that without her I would be a completely different person than from what I am today. I am overwhelmed at how amazing she is and what an example she is to every single person she comes in contact with. Christ shines through her so much and I am amazed. How do people see you or me? I have no idea. All I know is I am searching for that place where I am to show Christ. I know I am to show him in my daily life but where is God placing me to lead and show the way. I have been praying a lot lately about my friends that they may be blessed and that they will continue to bless me. God places people in your life for times and seasons and I cannot even fathom not having some of the people in my life there. How weird would that be? Change...now that is a hard change.

Listen to me and do not doubt that everything has a purpose. Let them know that they are loved and that they have a purpose bigger than they know. That they are to show me through every single action, word, piece of life they live. Let them build relationships with others who are seeking me with everything they have. Tell them to pray to me when they feel like their lives are falling to pieces and collapsing into tiny puzzle pieces. Show them they are beautiful and that they should not doubt the beauty I see inside and out. They are my children chosen and full of life. I will never leave them and never bring pain into their lives. I am their Father whom they follow. I am their Daddy that they can be held by in times of struggle. I am their Daddy who will hug them and tell them well done when they work towards the Kingdom. My son was the sacrifice that saved them. Show them my son through you. Let him live within you. Do not doubt my goals for you or doubt where I am taking you but be filled with hope and confidence that I am working in your life. DO NOT run away from the things I place in front of you so you can seek whats in your heart but RUN TOWARD what I have put in your hands and work with them like I work with you molding you into the BEAUTIFUL SCULPTURE. Praise me always and pray to me always. I am listening at all times. Be PATIENT and continuously pray for the things that you need. I will answer you but BE PATIENT! Listen to me and seek me in the TRUTH which is the WORD....I love you my beautiful child with whom I am well pleased. SEEK ME! Learn through the struggles and be comforted that an end is coming and that a GREAT LIGHT will come out of the darkness.

WoW! I have no clue where that came from...wait maybe just maybe no in fact it was my God. Listen he tells us. I am and I pray that I will take what he tells me to heart. Oh God of creation, I pray that you will use me and that you will show me the path with which you placed in front of me. I pray that you will set my feet to dancing and my heart to singing. I pray that you will give me peace of mind and an open heart.

God Bless.

Ups and Downs. Peace. Decisions. Conviction.

2009-02-23T21:43:00.000-08:00

Life is full of its ups and downs and I am beginning to understand more and more what those downs are for. They are for us to find ourselves and for us to lean on the one and only God. It is a time to commit ourselves to pray and to seeking Him with absolutely our WHOLE BEING!! Great thought...haha. Anyways, I find it amazing to see people struggle through different situations and see where it takes them. Does it take them to a place where they drift away from the One person who created them or does it make them fall further and deeper in love with Him. Hm....think about it. In your times of struggle which one are you? Its not an easy question to answer because a lot of us hate to think we drift away...it hurts. I have seen plenty of people run as fast as they could from Him and look back only to have their life in tinier pieces than it was before. I just find it painful to think about running from the ONE AND ONLY PERSON WHO CAN BRING TRUE PEACE! As Philippians 4:7 says, "a peace which passes all understanding..." That is hard to imagine a peace which we ourselves cannot understand.

I find myself at this very moment looking at situation and praying it will only get resolved and that they will both turn to God and find the answer in Him. Though arguments and problems suck they will be gone with a little reconciliation and prayer. An end might not seem near at the moment but it will come. Joy will enter your being and you will be overcome with that amazing peace. Just sit, think, pray, LISTEN, seek YOUR GOD with every part of your being. His Word tells us to love Him with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength....I know I say that a lot but I want you to get it. I want to see that that is what is takes to fall madly in love with Jesus Christ Our Lord and Savior.

I have all of this nervous energy at this very moment because all I can think about is what tomorrow will bring....will the sun be shining or will the rain fall, will I give my day to Him or try my hardest to make everything work, will I love on everyone around me or go around with a negative attitude, will I show Christ or turn those who do not know Him away because I am acting a certain way and claiming to be a "Christian." Ask yourself these questions and answer them honestly...no BS. No second guessing yourself. Know that you may not make the right choice all the time with each of these things but if you are seeking after Him and listening to Him as I talked about last time then slowly but surely you will figure out how to fix the wrong choices.....FIX...what a word....more like mend!

To live with conviction...what is that? Brian Huston puts your convictions like this: "Your convictions are the beliefs and persuastions that ground you and establish the pattern of your life." I like that. We are to influence the world not let it influence us. Well, I am gonna let you think on some of the things that I have brought to your attention.

Much love and God Bless your journey.

Dripping, Leaning, Loving God. Eyes Becoming Open.

2009-02-20T08:20:00.000-08:00

Last night I went to SlowBurn and Clint spoke about hearing God's voice. Do we hear it? I think that we do but I think sometimes we don't focus on it. We are to "lean in" and listen to what God is speaking into our life. If you think about it like I did after his sermon last night we should hear from God daily...speaking LIFE into us. We are not to be a people who are discouraged but encouraged. How cool would it be if we all listened to the voice of God daily and let Him lead us down the path He has chosen for each and every single one of us. I can only imagine at this point what that would be like? How would the church look? I think there would be less politics and more GOD. I find that religiosity is in every church in some shape or form. There are some that have overcome it and are seeking the Kingdom of God with their whole being.

Something that always throws me off with Christians is there thought that one denomination is better than another...that is a lie. Everyone has their own view of worship and that is amazing but we seem to forget that we are all God's church. We are not supposed to over analyze the Bible and take things to the utmost extreme but we are to live for our God. The things that denominations debate and bicker about are pointless. One goal, one mission...that is the church. We are to seek God with everything we have and love one another as ourselves....then we can as a unit spread the gospel to the nations. Well, that was definitely not where I was thinking this blog was gonna go....

So...here are some questions to ask yourself: Am I seeking God with all my being? Am I loving God's children? And is my church going in the direction of seeking the Kingdom as a unit and connecting with other churches to bring glory to God?

I don't think we are in a place right now where we can completely claim one or the other when it comes to the church. We need to learn to be a family and a strong unit so we can defend ourselves against Satan. He is attacking from every angle and we must be ready for battle. Satan has become very good at telling you lies...things that you wouldn't think but seem to enter your mind like: "Your not good enough." "You're ugly." "No one cares about you." etc.

If you hear those things you cannot ever think that you think them or that God is telling you that because it from the Father of Lies. He is ready and willing to do whatever it takes to win but God has a plan to defeat Satan through those times of attack. I myself struggle with doubt that God is ready and willing to work with me. I know that He is and that He is here with me at all time but sometimes I hear that voice telling me I'm on my own...and I have fallen into the trap before. Last night God spoke to me and told me, " Doubt will try to flood your mind: SEND IT AWAY! Pray in my name that it will go away and it will." Wow! I was like that is exactly what I needed to hear.

Clint speaks a lot about dripping Jesus and letting Him flow through you...what he says every week was confirmed to me....God also said to me, "Live a holy life full of me...filled to the brim where you will drip me with every word you say and everything you do." What a thought...dripping the love of Christ. That's awesome!!!! I feel like Clint was right when he said we should hear from God daily. Why not? He is our Father and King. If we listen he will speak Life and not lies like those of Satan.

Life...what is life? The definition of life is: 1) the course of existence or sum of experiences and actions that constitute a person's existence 2) a biography 3) the force that makes or keeps something alive; the vivifying or quickening principle......hmm...those are all great definitions and those are a only three. I think that to define life is very scientific because when you think of life you think of what is nonliving (the inorganic) and the living (organic).

To have life spoken to you is almost like getting a fresh breath of air that has no pollution or chemicals in it...PURE! Life is something that we can define and put boundaries on but God's Life is something without boundaries....it brings us joy, peace, patience, self-worth, an end to suffering, a new beginning, a smile, a healed heart, and the list goes on and on and on. Why not serve this amazing God who will deliver you from all the things that Satan has placed in the world? Answer that and I will be amazed. If you can honestly say that suffering is better than freedom then I find that crazy!!!!
Remember this verse as you go through your days: Matthew 4:4 "Jesus said,'It takes more than bread to stay alive. It take a steady stream of words from God's mouth.'" That's beautiful.

Lean in and hear the Lord your God speak to you. Let Him fill you up to the brim and let you drip.

Abolition. What does it mean to you?

2009-02-18T20:58:00.000-08:00

So last night I went to the 2nd Annual Home Foundation Benefit held by Natalie Grant. I became very informed on a subject that I knew little about and that is human trafficking (sex trafficking). There are over 12 million sex slaves around the world and 325,000 are here in our own U.S. How crazy is that? I feel that God has called us first to love with Him with all we have and second go out unto all the earth and spread the Word of God with love to all. I find it interesting that a lot of people leave out the first step of the process. We must give God our whole being in order to fully spread the gospel of Jesus Christ.

We are filled with purpose and filled with the passion to change the world but we must have a relationship with God to do that I think. Our purpose is not to live our lives our we see fit but to let God use us. I do not know if I will/would ever be called to work for such a cause but I can support those that are a part of it and let that piece move towards the plans that God has for me.

Last night Natalie Grant told us the origin of the song, "God of this City." I had no clue that it all started in a brothel on the other side of the world where an Irish group started singing, "Greater things are yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city." I mean what a thought. God is not done with us yet, in fact He has just begun workings through us. I do not find it strange that we have lost focus on where God is leading us. We are at a point our journeys that we are ready to become a park of something bigger than ourselves. God can provide us with just that. He can open our eyes to the things unseen. We believe in a power that is completely invisible yet He has just great power that He leads us through this crazy ride called Life.

I find it hard to believe that two out of three people who saw the shirt we recieved which says "Abolitionist" on it. Both of them had no clue what abolition is and one of them didn't know it still existed.

How sad is it that we go through our lives and our educations and learn what it means but don't really grasp that its ongoing. If you do not know what abolition means, it means "freeing of slaves." We are called by God to inform and get the word out about this issue. We must stand together as a church and overcome satan's plan. He cannot and will not win! I think we should all support those who are working for the cause and giving the opportunity to be motivated. I guess all I can say is PRAY PRAY PRAY!!! Pray that God will give those under this oppression freedom and that WE will STAND UP and put an end to such evil!

Think. Pray. God Bless. Love.

Is Your Faith Strong Enough to Move Mountains?

2009-02-16T07:50:00.001-08:00

This morning I read a blog of one of my close friends and it opened my eyes. She spoke about faith and how God tells us anything is possible. I think we as humans look sight of what God has for us. We look at the possibilities and slowly scratch them off the list thinking they are impossible...how sad! We do not have enough faith to trust that God CAN DO ANYTHING!! Think about it. There is nothing in the whole world and universe that is not possible for Him to do. I think not only do we as individuals not have enough faith but I think the church as a whole lacks it. I think we look at things that Christ and his apostles did with amazement and can only imagine what it would be like to heal the sick with the touch of our hands, cast out demons, etc. The reality is we have that ability also. We are told by Christ that we will do things even greater than He did. Can we even wrap our heads around that concept? I think at this point in all of our journeys not truly. We are at a place where we can believe it and know it but not truly have faith in it. Maybe I am completely off base but I don't think I am. I think all of us need to step up and truly have Faith that can move a mountain. How cool is that?

The song Healer by Hillsong has a line that is repeated several times and it is something that should excite so much that we cannot contain ourselves. It says, "NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!!" That should not be a sobering moment for us when we sing those words but a time where we truly realize that God is capable of anything. He created everything so how could He be handicapped from doing certain things. A lot of things in life that we think He can't do are minute in nature. Our problems are not as big as we make them. Of course, some things are big in nature and we should definitely run to God in those times.

But why not ask God for everything and at the same time have a relationship where we are listening to His counsel and letting Him open our eyes to our purpose in life. I think that is one of the things we don't do enough. We all pray and ask God for what we need and give Him thanks but do we stop to hear what He has for us. I think a lot of the times we are in a rush to get through our time with God when truly we should be in a rush to get to that time. I myself struggle spending time in God's Word and listening to Him but I am making an effort. I want to not only hear the Scripture taught at church but challenge myself with the Scripture. It is not just a book filled with words but with Truth. Every part of our life can correlate with His Word. All of the answers are in it so why don't we read it more often. I myself find my time filled with school and work and church, etc. But I don't take the time I'm not doing anything to read it. I am sitting and trying to figure out whats next on my agenda. Boo! That's no good at all. I think that His Word and Our Faith are two things that we need to hone in on and really work on. We should be church that is knowledgable in the Scripture, is full of the Spirit, and has unending Faith. I know our human nature gets in the way of so many of those things because we get distracted by what we want and what we think we need.

Are all things your pursuing things that God would want you to pursue? Think about it. Are all of your relationships God-filled? Do you trust in God enough to know that He will sustain you? Are you falling in love with Your Father in Heaven? Those are all questions you should ask yourself. I have been asking myself these questions a lot lately. I think if you don't have the ability to ask yourself questions and to challenge life then you are not growing. I think challenging yourself is something that is very important...asking those tough questions and looking to God for an answer.

Think about your Faith and the Faith of our church. Do we believe that we are able to everything in Christ Jesus or are we lacking Faith in Him? Do we work daily to grow and fall more in love with God? Do we believe that the church can do even greater things than Christ?

Just remember NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE BUT POSSIBLE THROUGH CHRIST JESUS OUR LORD!!!!!

Friends and Blessings.

2009-02-15T20:55:00.000-08:00

Every now and then God throws something awesome your way and you need to it all in. Lately I have realized how amazing life is for me right now. Of course, there are the usual struggles that I go through but I am truly 100% sure that God is blessing me immensely right now. This weekend showed me two things: 1. that I am ready to see what God has for me in the near future and present and 2. that no matter what happens good/bad I need to show my thanks to God.

I am blessed to have an amazing friend named Lauren and she proves herself a true friend to the core. If I needed her for anything she would be there and she and I are willing to call each other out. Tonight Ben Anderson spoke about Friendship Love at Fast Love. I was sitting and thinking of the connections I have made with people and what brought us together in the first place. I can't put my finger on how some of my friendships began but they have bloomed this last season like a field in the midst of spring. I feel like friendships should glorify God in every way. How you speak, what you do, where you go, a Godly foundation are all important things that form a strong bond between two people. Lauren and I have something that we love doing and that is having those deep heartfelt conversations about life, God, etc. We both are filled with passion and we feed off of each....its amazing!

My relationship with God has definitely helped with my friendships. I have made wiser decisions and deeper connections. Why is having a good relationship with God important when it comes to friendship? I think it is important because with Him you truly aren't living. You are not growing in His name every single day or letting His Spirit flow through you on a constant basis. I love the thought that Christ lives in us and works through us. It is a constant flow with exponential possibilities. He gives us His power and through that we are to live lives that He finds acceptable. I think friendships are the basis of who you are. Your friends show what you are interested in, where your heart lies, and what your personality is like...

On another note, I want everyone out there to realize that you DON'T need to have loads and loads of friends. I find that the less you have the closer you are to them. If you spread yourself to thin with "friends" then how much are you truly giving. I have two best friends who I look up to and who I would give anything for. Then I have my next closest friends who pour into my life constantly and give me a sense of pure joy. Then I myself have loads of people I just talk to that are not really by friends but I care a lot about. God is the sole reason for living and He has made me feel that every single person on this whole wide world should know they are loved and valued. So whether or not you think you have a lot friends, you have a lot of people you can pour into. Don't doubt for a second that God has not placed you in that moment for nothing. Its for something unknown to you and me. Let God use you and He will bless you. Know that who you have for friends is who God has placed in your life for this season to pour into your life.

Well, I guess thats all for now.

God Bless.

Procrastination and Relationships

2009-02-12T21:24:00.000-08:00

Today was a day of school, sleep, and interesting conversation. I realized a lot tonight about myself and how far I have come in the last few months. I am not a "flirt" anymore which I am super proud of. I also have grown so much in my relationship with God. He has brought me so much peace and happiness lately that when something bad comes along I think that I will definitely know that the positive is better to look at. Life isn't to be lived in a negative way but positive.

Tonight I went to dinner with two of my close friends, Lauren and Stephen. We were talking about relationships and I looked at my past thinking how immature I was. I went through a phase where that was all I wanted and now I am at point where I know that God will bring someone into my life when He sees fit. I mean I shouldn't just sit in anticipation but grow and live my life. I have so much life to live that why worry about that. I have school, family, friends, church, work, etc. Those things are on the top of my list but none of these things will work out without my first priority being God. I must seek Him with all I have and let Him take the reigns. I no longer am my own but God's. Hmm...I love the sound of that.

I have four tests next week and a lot to do this weekend and next week. In the past, I would freak out and not know what to do with myself so I would procrastinate. One of my friend's moms told me, "funny girl - because you get behind, and it all piles up and then you get frustrated and the quality of your work goes out the window...need more reasons?! Oh yeah - the big one - God doesn't want you to procrastinate - He has give us everything we need for life - so use it." That helped a lot and now I am really starting to work my homework now. I cannot wait for next week to be over but at the same time I am going to enjoy my weekend with everything I have.

God Bless.

A New Day. Living For Him.

2009-02-09T08:28:00.000-08:00

Awaking to a new morning full of promise. This morning thats how I felt. These past few weeks have brought a lot of hope, challenge, and change. All things that I look forward to in life. I feel more alive than I have in a long time and am ready to jump into something new. I feel that God is leading in me in an awesome direction and that I will soon have new doors open to me. I just have to keep seeking Him and not let the distractions of this world get in my way.

I know I am not the only one that feels this way and its a hard road to take....the world is so good at manipulating you into thinking an action is okay even though you know its not. I just don't see how we fall into the trap so often.

On another note, I was talking to my best friend in the whole wide world today and we were talking about our lives and balancing them. She was saying she has no idea how anyone can balance every area of their life. I told her that it is possible because everything is possible through Christ...which sounds cheesy and churchy but its true. I then explained that if we would just wake up in the morning and thank God for the day and give it completely to Him with no selfish ambition that it would be an amazing day! I feel that we have NO REASON at all to wake up in the morning and not be happy. We are some of the most blessed people in the world and we take advantage of that every day.

We Christians say there are thousands upon thousands of people who are starving but we sit and eat and eat and eat....well most of us do. We should live life with the vision that God is controlling our every moment though He gives us that free will to make choices daily. I guess all I am trying to say is that life is in God's hands and we should let Him take control instead of making our plans for our lives.

God Bless and Much love.

The End of an Almost Bad Day!

2009-02-08T21:21:00.000-08:00

I've decided my car likes to have character and that's why I keep wrecking it...it's almost like it has a Herbie complex or something. =)

Anyways, the rest of the day brought an amazing time of worship at Sunday PM Fast Love. God filled the room and it was almost like a peace spread across the place. Pastor Michael spoke about the "first love" which is the love one has when he/she first receives salvation. I was glad to know that everyone goes through that time where you lose your zeal. Michael spoke how we are to go from glory to glory not backslide. That's something to think about isn't it. We are called to give everything which has been a common element in my blog.

What's life without that dive head first relationship with God? I think we must ask ourselves whether or not we are willing to sacrifice everything to be in a one on one relationship with the Creator of the Universe. Everything around us is created by Him...the beauty of nature, the hearts of people, and the gathering of His people. I am ready for us to step up and take a chance...I think we are way too comfortable with where we are now and we need to step out of OUR BOX. We are giving the choice to stay stagnant or take a stand...which will you choose????

On a completely different note, I wanted to take a moment and let you know that you should find a group of people that no matter what you do your still loved. You can make a complete idiot of yourself at dinner by spilling water all over the waitress and all they do is laugh along with you. You need to find people who are almost like a second family and they will tell you straight up what's going on. I have those people and I love them dearly. God has blessed me with a great group of friends and I am glad that we spend time together each Sunday night and eat and fellowship with one another. We laugh way too much and talk about the most insanely intense things. We may disagree and get into little "arguments." They are not arguments just strong opinions...haha.

Find those people...be BLESSED! Love your God with all you have and I'll talk to you later.

Xoxo.

An Accident

2009-02-08T12:06:00.000-08:00

Today was the beginning of a battle and its still raging.

This morning as I was leaving for church I yet again messed up my car. I backed into my aunt's car. I went and told my mother and she was furious to say the least which I would be to. The back story to all of this is I just got my car fixed about two weeks ago from where I had had a similar wreck two years ago.

Both of my parents were very upset and said several things that hurt me. I went to church trying not to think about it but I couldn't shake. It being the beautiful day it is I went outside and walked to Emmy's grave where I sat and cried. Then all of a sudden I was filled with this peace. I looked around and realized that God created all the beauty around me and that I should not let something like this get to me. Yes, my parents are upset with me but that will pass and yes it a poor mistake on my part. I feel that I need to rise above it and not let it ruin my day and that is exactly what I plan on doing.

We'll see what the rest of the day holds for me....

Mentors. Letting Go. Giving Everything.

2009-02-07T19:09:00.000-08:00

There are so many people in my life that have truly impacted my life and I thank God for each and every one of them. One in particular, Emmy Scott, was someone who would tell me what I needed to hear whether its what I wanted or not. After she passed away a little over two years ago, I realized how much she made me grow. She challenged more than any one person has and showed me the way a true Christian should live. She lived a life that was impeccable and of course all of us have faults but they were few for her. God's light was so bright that it almost blinded when she walked in a room. I look back at all the lessons she helped me learn and I thank God for putting her in my life when He did.

I want to be that person to someone. I am not in any way as amazing as Emmy but I want to impact someone's life. God has placed me on this earth for a purpose. That purpose is still being revealed to me and I cannot wait to see what it is. I am learning that I cannot just sit and wait all the time but take what God has placed in front of me at this moment and use it. In time God will show me what the next step in my journey is.

Tonight on my way home from a Life Group dinner I started praying and I realized that I have been too consumed with what God has for me in the future and too caught up on situations of the past. I have let those little things weasel their way back into my life. I almost feel like I am losing time by letting them get to me. I am losing time focusing and showing God through my life. I have too many people and many more important things in my life that I should focus on. I am to "not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of my mind." Wow. Gossiping, resentment, envy, jealousy, dislike, holding on to things that must be dropped can only lead to downfall. Now is the time for all of us to see that and start learning love, respect, confronting/talking to a brother/sister before you let it get to you, edifying others, etc.

We are called to FALL IN LOVE with Our Father. Why do we hesitate so often to let Him in? He is our Creator and the one that unconditionally loves us no matter what. He will never doubt our ability to overcome, never show hatred or bring suffering but JOY LOVE PATIENCE. Why would we let our lives be ruled by the foolish things of this world? Why would we miss an opportunity to live for our one and only God. It almost seems ridiculous not to but sometimes we lose sight of the ridiculousness and only see what we want and let the world influence us.

I am praying that all of us learn ITS NOT ABOUT US!!!!!!! ITS ABOUT OUR GOD!!!!! He gave us every ability, gift, talent, positive personality trait, etc. why shouldn't we give all of those things to Him in praise and let Him work in our lives.

Find someone in your life that you can talk to about anything and learn from. Find someone who will love you for you and will not be afraid to hold you accountable. Let God rule your life and show the world His light and love. But most of all give God everything you have!

Love and God Bless.

Those Apologies. Realization.

2009-02-06T10:44:00.001-08:00

Sometimes in life you mess up and you don't even realize it. The whole time you think it is the other person that has ruined it. I asked myself the other day why in the world is this friendship so horrible? Even though the other person faulted somewhat it was me who made it distant because things were changing. I myself am a firm believer that change is good but some change is either hard or is no good. I look myself in the mirror and I ask myself why am I stnading against something that is good and why am I not able to deal with it. My reasons were somewhat acceptable but full of fault. I cannot make issues where there are none. I thank God for opening my eyes to what the truth was. I mean I am ready to confront the situation and I am just hoping that I am able to undo some of the damage.

Friends are irreplacable and I do not take them lightly. I want to give everything I can to the people in my life I care about the most and want to have for a long time. I am sorry to all of those that I have hurt, left, or not given enough. I want to right the wrongs and try and make myself more available and open to those in my life that I care most about. I thank God for every single person that has impacted my life and every person that God has put in my path in times of joy and trial. I thank God for those that I have disagreed with because they made me stronger. I thank God for all the times that I comfort my friends and love on them. I thank God for the ability to walk with an encouraging heart. I thank God for pulling me out of my selfish bubble that was starting to consume me. I thank God for showing me the light.

I pray that any of you that are having a hard time and are struggling with a friendship that you confront that person and pray that it will be resolved in a Godly manner.

God Bless and Love.

Blessed. Vision. Doubt. Thoughts.

2009-02-05T21:12:00.000-08:00

This morning I had a revelation, I realized that I am truly blessed. I was looking for my car because silly me lost it in the parking lot. I was talking to my friend Kallie when I realized I was complaining about being cold. I found my car and then headed home. On the way, I started to think of all of those people who are less fortunate than me that are freezing outside because they lack shelter. Those are the people that we are called to help but we are also called to heal the sick, cast out demons, etc.

On that note I want to talk about the service I went to tonight. The name of it is SlowBurn and it is headed up by a guy named Clint Thomas who is truly called by God to encourage and speak to us what God has in store for us. We are to love God with ALL of our heart, soul, mind, and strength....for some reason I feel like I've heard that before. Jesus says that is our goal of a relationship with our Father. We cannot have a relationship with Him without sacrifice of self and fully giving EVERYTHING to Him.

God really messed me up tonight because I was praying really hard about some issues that I've been struggling with lately and I for some reason couldn't shake the feeling that I needed to be prayed for by my friend Natasha. After a good bit of time of just seeking Him I realized that I should just walk up to her. I gave her a huge hug and started weeping and she started praying. She opened my eyes to what kind of person God has called me to be. That person is someone who is there for people and gives them joy in a time of sadness and helps them through struggles. I am meant to encourage others to not be down. What a blessing!!!! She saw a vision of a white clawfoot bathtub filled with bubbles and some Mr. Bubbles bubble bath next to it. That is me, the bubbles that is.

My whole life I have been a very happy/joyful person and not much can get me down. This past year or so I have really started to struggle with pessimism. I was starting to doubt my ability to do things that in the past I was confident in knowing that I could. Also, I was not as happy with my life and I had nothing to be sad about. I let Satan weasel his way into my mind and make me doubt. Doubt is something that can ruin a person's relationships with God and people as well as make them have lower self-esteem. I think that letting doubt come into your life is a scary thing. Now that I see that that is what was blocking my view from seeking God and finding myself worthy I can truly say I am relieved. For the longest time I thought I was just failing but now I know it was a trick and that I should not fall into that.

A little something I wrote tonight:
I am no longer to hold to those things that are full of anger, pain, suffering, jealousy, envy but I am to walk in truth. When I see a problem in my way I should seek my Father and go to that person. Do not let those problems eat you alive because if you do you will be consumed with the thing of darkness. LET GO!!! Behold the life where there is no weight being/trapping you in a place of complacency. Sadness is something that lets you lose sight of where you are going. Your eyes are blurred from the tears and pain. Joy will come and you will not see the world as you did in darkness but in the true light of God. Find yourself in a place of quiet rest and peace, not a place of war and restlessness.
Life is something to be lived not lost. Loneliness is not to be a thought in your mind. We are to seek God with EVERYTHING!!! We should not doubt He is here. Doubt and distraction are all around us. We cannot and will not let that take away from our walk with God. We are to fall in love and receive strength from Him. Do not be afraid of the journey but fear the Lord! He will open your eyes, carry you through the tims that you are lost.
Do not be afraid of change because change is exciting, new and may seem dark at times but through the dark times is light. Struggle will never fully be gone because we will have a walk with roadblocks (our human nature). The whole thing in the nutsheel is life is not all rainbows and sunshine but also time of storms and rain.
Pray. Have relationship and friendship with God. The devil, Satan, brings the world destruction and the Lord, Our Father, brings rebuilding and creation.

I know that is a lot to sink in but think about it. Our world is full of awful things and we are called to change those things. Not only that but we are also called to fall in love, head over heels, with God. We are to give Him everything good and bad and build a strong relationship where you can speak honestly to Him like you would your best friend. I am praying that God will move your heart and that He will open your eyes to the things unknown to you.

Love.

Struggles and Goals

2009-02-02T09:00:00.000-08:00

I really find it interesting that I write all of these things down that I find eye opening for you to read but I myself sometimes do not take my own advice. I guess that's one of the hardest things though...realizing your faults and knowing you need to fix them. Its a struggle because you have to figure out a way to go about changing your prospective, life, etc. God has given me peace about some of the things I struggle with but I must take action. Thus far I have taken some bigs steps in my eyes toward a goal driven by God.

In For This I Was Born, Brian Houston talks about how you must use what God has put in your hands at this very moment....not to let your heart get in the way of the present. Everyone has dreams and God has times where they will come true when the time is right. I am seeing that I must do what He has put here for me now...the present. I always love waking up and feeling that joy inside me. I know that I am a woman of God and that I am walking on a path towards a goal God has set in front of me. I thank God for waking me up every morning and allowing me to live happily even through the struggles.

Struggles...hmm...those are things that sometimes can get in the way of what we seek. Sometimes its pain, sadness, hatred, jealousy, roadblocks, etc. and when it seems like they are gone another comes....life isnt supposed to be easy. We do not and should not let those things affect where our journey is going. I find struggles (valleys) bring strength and light. We are so blessed to have a God who is there all the time no matter what. Struggles are the times we call on Him the most but do we seek Him constantly...I sure hope so. I am starting to grasp what this life is all about and it certainly isnt all about me. Its about God's plan for me.

Well, I guess that's all for the moment....talk to you later

Life.Connect. Eternity.

2009-01-20T20:32:00.001-08:00

I have been thinking a lot lately about how I am to impact the world...what's my purpose. We go through life not knowing until that perfect moment and only God knows when that is. I feel like I have so much to learn about life and the people in it. I do not want to live thinking if only I could have taken time to build a relationship with that person. I want to know that I made a difference in someone's life no matter who it is.

At this very moment I am thanking God for all He is doing right now. He is showing me who are my true friends who I can lean on during hard times. He also is giving me a new view on my life and I am wondering if my vision is His for me. I do not want to die full of potential and I do not want to live fearing death for death is just the beginning of another journey.

Some people are like puzzles and you can't quite figure them out which is good to a point I think. My one objection to those people is what are you missing? If you keep who you are a secret whether you be an extremely outgoing person or an introverted person what are you gaining from that. I guess that is just how I see it. I could be wrong but there are some people that make everything so complex about themselves that its almost taxing. All you want is a relationship with that person and they are cold as stone. Why? Only God knows truly what their heart is feeling. I love to be connected to people and sometimes I find ways that are unconventional to get that way. This past couple of months has been a struggle for me because I went the completely wrong way on trying to connect with someone. Not only was it horrible for me but also that other person. I feel awful for the whole situation but it was nice in a way to find comfort in someone. I am happy to say that now I am free from that and trying to figure out other ways to get connected.

CONNECT. What a word? We are a body if I am not mistaken that is to take the Word of God to the nations but how can we do that if the body is lacking important connections with itself. I pray that the church as whole worldwide will figure out its not about religious views or politics of the church but the Cause of the Kingdom of God. We must set ourselves on the path that leads to beauty and winning the nations not on who has the better interpretation of the Bible or the better way of going about service. I want us to get connected but first we must be connected to God and walk side by side with Him towards an amazing eternity.

Lindsey and I were talking about eternity last night and we both sat there dumbfounded because can you truly grasp how long that is....its forever!!!! We have no clue what that will be like but that should give you a little kick. Realize that people's eternities are at stake...we must reach them and help them find their way to Christ and God's Kingdom.

Think. Pray. and Grow. God Bless.

Getting a Grip

2009-01-18T21:17:00.000-08:00

It absolutely amazes me at how much God will speak to you when you least expect it. I am super excited about gaining knowledge and wisdom from reading. I guess growing up I never realized the power of a book. It influences, challenges, and gets your creativity/imagination going which in my eyes is super important. The biggest thing out of those three is the challenges that come. In For This I Was Born, I realized and am realizing how small my own self is. I am a beautiful woman in Christ and within all of that I am who I am. I am finding my identity so to speak.

One question that this book asks is, "Are you willing to let your visioin die for the cause of Christ?" I stopped and thought to myself, "Am I living for my own selfish vision or am I letting God's cause take hold of my life and living for the vision He has placed in my heart?" I will be asking myself this question for the weeks to come as I discover who Christ has called me to be. I am proud to be a woman of God who is beautiful in his eyes.

So many emotions fill me when I think of living for His Kingdom and giving it all to Him. The biggest emotion that seems to fill my heart is happiness or joy. I cannot stop smiling knowing that I am called to a greater purpose than my own. The next part is a lot harder though. I may know that but I must truly grasp that and live it...not just go through the motions of knowing.

I am here to say to every single person, "You may live your life knowing that God has called you to great things, but unless you embrace that and live life for His Kingdom then it is a waste. He wants you to know that your beauty and heart will be seen by all if you only live for Him, for His Cause." I pray that God will touch your heart and that he will continue break down all of the insecurities, pain, sadness, etc. that you feel. Like I just told my friend, do not let the small things keep you from seeing the big picture. I have in the past and all it did was complicate things and make life more difficult. Life is not about proving yourself to the world. The world tells us how to eat, how to dress, how much to weigh, what's in and what's not, who we should be friends with, that we need to change to fit in and THOSE ARE ALL LIES!!! None of that is important, none of it matters.Pleasing the world is something that everyone falls into at one time or another. It might not be society but a group of people that you want to be friends with. If they do not love and like you as you are then are they worth being friends with? That being said they might not like the attitude problem you have because you put up a wall so you would not get hurt. Don't let that overpower who you truly are in Christ.

Thank God for your life and pray that you will be filled with the vision he has for you which will fulfill a purpose for His Kingdom. =)

To Be Broken

2009-01-13T22:32:00.000-08:00

The definition of BREAK:
1. to destroy or interrupt the regularity, uniformity, continuity, or arrangement of; interrupt
2. to put an end to; overcome; stop
3. to discover the system, key, method, etc.
4. to remove a part from (a set or collection)
5.to exchange for or divide into smaller units or components
6. to make a way through; penetrate

These definitions can seem quite harsh to people who think of breaking as a bad thing. I, on the other hand, is finding out how amazing and positive it is. It can be really hard at first because you think to yourself why is everything so hard for me and why is this happening to me. God breaking me is something that has been going on the past few months. I have wanted to quit and give up, but someone close to me said that GOD WAS BREAKING ME. I thought to myself how in the world can he break me? Now I see it. I am figuring out that he is breaking me of all the things that hindered me from experiencing His presence and Word. Today I realized that I am continuously facing challenges that are somewhat painful but as I go through them I find that I am growing. I am trying to keep my head up every day and keep going and its tough. I have to remember that there is a purpose to these hard times and that through all of this I will grow and become a strong woman in Christ.

I am so excited about being set free of all my habits that hinder me from relationships with people and God. I am tired of being the same ol' me and never growing or learning. I'm sitting here crying, praying, and listening to this one song, Break Me Down, by Tenth Avenue North. Its my prayer right now to be set free and renewed.

Everyone freaked out when my Facebook status was "is being broken." They all thought it was something negative but its quite the opposite. How joyful and relieved I will be when the sun shines brighter, the world seems less saddened and my heart feels lighter. I am really struggling with letting go of some of things that have always been issues with me. I pray that God will break down those things to little pieces and renew my mind to know that everything is in His time and will. I know that and I also know right from wrong but that doesn't mean that I put that into action. We, humans, are think too much and try to figure our life before God opens the doors for us. How retarded are we? We will never know what tomorrow brings let alone the next hour. All we know is that we cannot force our plans to be what our life is to be. We must let God show us the way, not us show God our way....that doesn't make sense. He is our creator and destroyer, our lover and protector, our way and life, our light, our strength, etc....You get it I'm hoping.

To Be BROKEN is start your journey for HIS PLANS!!!!!!! Do not be foolish and not live for His cause because you have plans of your own. If you live by your plans you will not have lived at all but simply died without living. Be Broken and renew your mind as Romans 12:1-2 says.

God Bless

Reflection, The Church, and Our Light

2009-01-06T21:01:00.000-08:00

God did not place us on this earth so we can have salvation and just live life but to find salvation and become His hands and feet. We are to bring to people something that the world could never bring TRUTH, which brings love, joy, and answers to the hard questions of life. Our lives are based on our will to live out God's plans for them. We cannot sit and not live....it will bring us nothing.

For This I Was Born says in Chapter 2, "You are here to exemplify Jesus to the world, and your testimony, conviction, and commitment to the cause of Christ is about ushering people into relationship with a God who loves them." This is our point in life. This is our mission. To bring people to Christ. We are called.

"God's will is for he body of Christ to be a dynamic living organism that produces life and affects lives." This quote is exactly what the church needs to realize. We are not placed together as a unit just to supply ourselves with all the knowledge of knowing God and His ways and not do anything. We hold the light of Christ within us and we are to SHINE it with all we have. I think we are at a time where we are ready to be the church, tired of the complacency. How awesome is that! We are starting to get the promises and hope that God has for us.

What would there be if none of us Christians took the initiative to change the world? I ask myself how often we lose sight of our CAUSE. I realize that we are not perfect but we seem to somehow be weak and unable to keep the Cause at the forfront of our minds. We get consumed by what is going on in our lives that seem to be the biggest issue ever but really it is just a needle in an extremely big haystack.

I seem to be finding out that I lose sight very easily. Six months no dating almost seemed pointless to me today. I somehow justify the unjustifiable. I think that something that is completely unreasonable is okay. I cannot seem to grasp that I am here for something bigger than myself. I keep seeking after things that turn into something I don't want for myself or for others. I want to find joy and I know that is in Christ. I can sit and write all of this down and let people read it so that they can grow and find themselves. I, myself, get lost in my own thoughts. I sit and let things get to me not realizing that I am losing focus of the goal I am running toward. Today I opened my eyes to the realization that I cannot change the past and I cannot make things happen my way. I am under God's authority and He has set plans for me which I am to follow. I am learn His ways and promises and seek after HIS WILL. To think that I have wasted countless days on my own ambitions and desires and lost touch of what God has for me seems stupid. I know in my heart of hearts that I will be able to overcome my own self and let God come in.

Your Purpose Is Bigger Than Your Problems.

2009-01-02T22:37:00.000-08:00

I am yet again reading For This I Was Born. Its one of those books that you get a lot of especially when you read a second time. I am not reading it as much as a book but more of a devotional type thing. I want to get as much out of it as possible. One month is down for my six months no dating and I definitely don't think I have done much to pursue my goal which is to move past my past and grow closer to my Father.

The first chapter of this book is called," You Were Born for the Cause of Christ." Brian Huston, the writer begins talking about your purpose for living and he says,"Everyone who is born dies, but not everyone who dies has truly lived," which is so true. Some people go through their lives worrying about how they will be perceived by others and not living for something greater than themselves. How sad it would be to wake up when you are seventy and feel like you haven't lived. I mean you would have physically gone through life doing it is whatever you do and then die not living for a cause with a purpose. I do not want that to be me. I want learn what my purpose is so that I can fufill my part of God's cause.

We are to live for a cause worth dying for, not die full of potential. We do not need to sit and wait for something to happen but seek God and find our purpose. We as humans find all the faults in ourselves and our pasts. That should not be how we live. Christ lived his life without letting rejection, betrayal, and many other things hinder his life. He had plenty of reasons to fail but his Father's cause outweighed it all.

Don't look at all the downfalls and shortcomings that seem to comsume your life, but focus on God's pland for you. His vision and purpose for you which fuels your passion for His cause and kingdon. No matter what occurs in life, NEVER should you allow yourself to develop a wounded spirit. Hard times and past issues might come about but remember that from the moment you were conceived God had an awesome purpose/ plan for you on this earth. So, no matter what's going on with you, remember that your purpose is BIGGER than your problems!

The Journey Is Hard and God's Will is Perfect

2008-12-30T22:39:00.000-08:00

God has called us to become part of His Cause. The cause started the day that Christ sacrificed himself to bring us salvation. We are called to life with a specific purpose. God has a vision that he places in our hearts but sometimes we are blinded by our own visions. I am slowly realizing that I cannot sit and focus on certain things that I want to fix. Every situation in my life is in God’s hands not my own. All I can do is pray about it and if it is His will then it will come to be. When I am in prayer I pray “your will be done,” because we do not know the true outcome that God has planned. Some people go through life believing in God and praying for things that their heart desires. They have a specific prayer and they do not want any other outcome. God tells us to knock and door will be open and to seek and we will find, but we have to realize that in the end it is what God has planned, His will that will take place. So, when you pray know it is in God’s time and will that things will happen. How joyful it makes me to think that I do not have worry because God has plans for me bigger than myself. W hen things I give to God have an outcome that I don’t expect I have learned to know that it is out of my hands.

This past month my life has been turned upside down. I want to listen to what I sit and write to all of you, but I seem to be blinded. I am not able to lay things down like I want to. I was talking to my friend and told him that I seem to lay things at God’s feet and then pick it back up….WHY? I ask that same question to myself every single time. There are things in the past month that I have laid down and I cannot imagine picking up again. Other things that are on going I sit and ponder over. I was told I need to RELAX!!! I don’t need to focus on what has happened because honestly in the end it doesn’t really matter. I am one of those people who over think every situation…I tear it apart until I can’t put it back to where I started. It’s like putting together a puzzle and missing a piece. Instead of figuring things out on my own, I need to seek God. I NEED TO SEEK GOD….wow.

These past two days I have been volunteering and attending Terra Nova, an amazing youth conference. I have realized how lost I am and how much I am lacking my relationship with God. I have so much to learn and such growth to make and I am holding myself back. I want to mature in Christ, which is a huge step. I want to take what I know and help those around me. These next five months especially I want to know that I will take the opportunity to change. I don’t want to become a different person just improve myself. Change is an amazing thing but we are so scared of it. Why? I don’t have a clue. I think we are so used to the COMFORTABLE that we cannot seem to grasp change. I am finding though it’s weird and somewhat hard, that change brings joy.

I am being broken in so many ways in my life right now…God is taking everything I know and testing me. He is taking all of my selfish thoughts and desires and tearing them down…recycling almost. He is making all of the human wants and making them into something He has planned for me. I am so ready for this time even though it is one of the hardest times I have experienced with God. I am being challenged and I had no idea that it would be this tough. I am spinning my wheels in some ways because I don’t know where God is going to place me in the next three years, who he has for me, and how much closer I will be to Him.

I pray that God will take this time to show me who I am to become and what I am to become. I am so excited for God to work in my life. In Jeremiah 29, everyone knows verses 11-14 because they are an encouragement, but the beginning of that chapter God talks about how they must go through a time in the desert and that is exactly what being broken seems like. I don’t think of it as separation from God like they experienced, but a time of peeling like an onion…=)

I pray that God blesses this next year and that every single person on fire for God will STAND UP for him and not be a lazy or scared Christian. Christ told us we would do greater things than he did…do you believe that? You should…It’s the truth!!!!!

A Good Smack in the Face

2008-12-15T17:05:00.000-08:00

"You deserve a guy who absolutely loves you and desperately wants you, dont settle for someone who just likes you!" -A Close Friend.

"Love is what it is. There are no guidelines. I just don't want you taking someone who doesn't care about you as much as you do them."- A Close Friend.

This is the first time in my whole life that i felt that a friend knows exactly what to say. Six months no dating is a struggle when you like and care about someone and want to be with them. Then this is said to you and you second guess what's going on and realize that you are doing six months no dating to get away from exactly what you are throwing yourself into. I am so fortunate to have read those texts last night. They made me reevaluate what I am doing. I went into six months no dating so excited and it ended up being at this moment a "jail cell" to me.

I feel ridiculous for that way. This is my time to throw myself into my relationship with God and learn new things. Begin a journey all on my own not depending on pointless crushes that end up in heartache. GOD HAS THE PERFECT MAN FOR EVERY SINGLE GIRL! It might not be your best friend's idea of a perfect man but it will be yours. Your own PRINCE CHARMING! How happy that makes my heart.

Makes my heart break though when I think of all the time I have wasted on "boys" that wont last. Most girls go through life looking for their perfect guy, searching more like. We must be patient and wait for God to make that time happen. I mean mistakes should be made and things should happen so that you can grow. Hard times come so that you can persevere through them and figure out what to do.

I am so excited to dive into a relationship with God...HEAD FIRST!!! Praying, reading, worshipping continually, praising His name, and wanting to Fall in LOVE with him.

My advice to every single girl is to work on your relationship with your Heavenly Father and you will surely find the man that God has put here on this earth for you. Patience is key to all of this. And remember take chances with guys sometimes it wont kill you but you must not throw yourself fully into them. NEVER lose yourself and lose your relationship with God or friends for a guy. It is not worth it. It will never be. I have done it for the past few years and it just wears and tears on you. More heartbreak comes from it than anything. I promise you that. I just want you to know that God is with you and you have amazing friends around you that will tell you to not waste your time on him....they are usually right. Friends see the flaws we choose to look past...and sometimes we know those flaws but we choose to see past them. Flaws are in every person for sure but that doesn't mean that some of them are completely acceptable. Some are so huge its like a log in the middle of the road, others are like speed bumps. Choose your battles wisely...PRAY!

Good luck and trust in God.

CHANGE!

2008-12-12T19:43:00.000-08:00

Today I realized that I have to figure out what in the world I am going to do for the next six months of my life. I am having to change a lot of the way I think and what I want to do. Since its the Christmas season I am trying to focus on how to give back. I mean the season is not about presents, decorations, or food. It is about celebrating the birth of Christ and showing love to people all around you.

I have so much on my mind these days. I am trying to get ready to start a new year. Next semester is going to be busy and full of changes. Changes in my church, changes in my schedule of life, and changes in my happiness and relationships. I am so excited about this CHANGE! People are so afraid of change these days that its sad. I used to feel that way but I have realized that the same ole' same ole' is not worth it. To have change makes life more interesting and makes you realize what God has for you. The book I am reading right now, For This I Was Born, is really stumping me. I mean the book is not hard to understand...its just its making me want to focus on change and figure out were God is taking me. What vision He has placed in my life. I want to read it over and over again because I keep finding new things within the book. I am so ready for something new to happen. I have become a lot more happy in the last two weeks than I have been in a long time. Who knew a few changes like no focusing on guys, trying to figure out what's going on with my life, and reading books that challenge me.

=) Another day, another week, another month.

A Day of Reflection.

2008-12-09T17:40:00.000-08:00

So I have neglected to write the past few days due to business....

Today was a day of relaxation and I have had a lot of time to ponder on things. I have been trying so hard to find time to see where the heck my life is going. I honestly feel that I am losing myself in all the crazy stuff I do. Next semester I am packed with classes, work, and church. I have plans for every day of the week already except for Saturdays, which I can only imagine being busy as well. This holiday season is going by quickly but every second I can take for myself I am. I go go go all the time and don't take the time to really get into a relationship with God. This six months no dating thing seems to be my way out of a lot trouble. I am trying to let God take the reins which is harder than I thought.

I seem to find a guy I care about more than the others often. That is nothing that I should do. I was talking to a good friend the other day and he said that maybe I put myself in that position with guys because I am not able to have an active relationship with my father (been very ill since I was young). I told him that could be true except for the fact that I am closer to him than anyone else in my family. I go to him when I have a problem and hope he has a way to solve it. He has been a blessing to me as well as the rest of my family.

Something I have on my heart right now is finding a way to dig into the Junior Higher's lives at my church. At the junior high age a lot of influence is there. Those are the make or break years. They are the years where they kind of figure out where they are going in High school and who are going to become. I pray that every single kid in the junior high will be poured into and shown the Truth. They will know that it is not all about the fashion or who you are friends with but who THEY ARE and what they are ABOUT!

I pray that in this season lives are touched, people are changed, and the youth arise!!!!!

"Sissy Church" and the Happiness Continues to Flow

2008-12-04T10:03:00.000-08:00

Last night the youth pastor, Michael Alfred, at my church spoke about how our church has become safe. We do not take chances in our lives that could lead to sacrificing our lives for the cause of the Kingdom. How awesome would it be to give your life for God's cause. I mean it is scary but only because we have become comfortable with the safe and secure. We are supposed to be winning people for the Kingdom of God but we are not going out there and doing things about it. We are not living the full out life for Christ. I mean we build relationships with people but do we really take the chance to speak life into them.

I think he brought up a really good point last night with all of this. We think it is better to not change and to sit there and to a point become complacent. How retarded is that. We have been put on this Earth for a purpose which is to let God show us his vision for us and we live for His cause. Why not risk our lives for the God of the universe.

This sermon really did make me feel that this is my time in these months to come to work on figuring out what God has for me. We as humans live off of emotions and I think that is a great advantage to a point. If we did not have emotion then we would not be able to be passionate about what God has put in our hands for our lives. I think every single person in this world should stop and take a moment to really focus on what God has for their lives. Without this focus, people lose or miss what opportunities God puts right in front of them.

Personally, I want to do whatever it takes to further the Kingdom and grow in Christ. I want every true Christian to run towards the prize as Pauls says in the Scripture. Now that I think about it I don't even know the Scripture as well as I want to which is really awful because it is the book that brings strength, life, courage, hope, joy, peace, and love in our hearts. It gives the boldness to actually do something about our lives.

The Beginning of Something Amazing!!

2008-12-02T17:38:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the beginning of six months no dating for me. This is something that most people in my life think I cannot accomplish because of strange attraction to boys…guess every girl feels that way one time or another. I decided to do this because I feel that now, at this very moment, is the time for me to seek God with all I have and grow in my relationships. I have never felt free from some of the vices that have become part of my life. I have struggled with the fact that God will show me the man I am to marry. I might not have worried about that too much, but I am very flirtatious and honestly that makes me sick. I know that flirting is not a bad thing but sometimes it seems that that’s all I do with guys…whether I mean to purposely or not.

I truly find this time in my life amazing. I am in college, starting to be leader in my youth group, figuring out what plans God has for my life and so on. I am reading the book, For This I Was Born, which is opening my eyes to my true purpose in life. I am seeing that I may have my own plans for my life but those might not be the plans God has for me. I am here for a purpose, which is to bring people to Christ and further His kingdom. I sometimes lose this cause as the book calls it and begin to look at what I want out of life. These next six months I pray that God will be able to work on my heart and open it up to what he has planned for me. I plan on keeping a daily journal of these next months.

The first day I must say was the hardest because I had to realize that I had to leave someone I care a lot about behind and our feelings. I mean I know nothing will ever come of it and that God has someone amazing out there for me. I have struggled for a long time with our friendship and I have decided to take a stand and get through it finally!

Today was not as bad because I am finding out how freeing it to change my focus! I am continuing to pray and hope that patience will come to me in this time!