Grief in the NIght.

A heart subdued by the peace of the Lord 

Without reason it seems to occur

The wretched pain and overwhelming hurt gone.

A Son seated next to the Father has called to Him,

Asking on her behalf for this unmeasurable peace.

The Son calls to this daughter once writhing in pain

To remind her of the promises of their Father.

“He is always faithful. He does not cease to stir 

With affection for His children.” 

The young woman’s eyes fill 

With unending tears of gratitude.

She is reminded of the pain that overtook her;

The panic begins to form.

“How can it leave at such an early hour?

Does this mean such grief is pointless?”

The Son replies,

“Lay down this burden.

Grieve in this night but allow our Father’s joy

To come at morning’s light.”

She lies prostrate on the floor;

The grief overwhelms her entire being.

With tear-stained cheeks

She awakes in the morning.

The peace returned,

The joy permeating her soul.

The healing has begun

For this young woman.

A woman who has stepped outside;

Outside of the world’s knowledge of grief.

“It is finished,” was the cry of the Son.

These words in simplicity and power

Overcame all worldly sin, pain, and sorrow.

This woman covered in abundant grace

Does not allow those earthly scavengers anymore.

To Trust Is To Hope.

Releasing insecurity
New confidence formed.
Resting in grace
Standing on promises.
Pressing onward.
Growing deeper.
Becoming rooted.
Trust.

All of things are necessary to move forward in times of pleasant plateaus and dimly lit valleys. All actions. The last the substance of all of them. Trust. According to Dictionary.com, trust is:
(1) reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence
(2) confident expectation of something; hope. 
(3) a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.

These are but three definitions of trust. When I read them, I am challenged. Do I rely on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc. of God? Do I have confidence in my Father? My Creator? I am uncertain I do at times. There are moments, days, and circumstances that cloud my "confident expectation of something."

But as the Scripture says so clearly, "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight our paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones." (Proverbs 3:5-8 ESV)

Over the years I have been overcome by the need to control things, situations, people all to my own demise. I must let you know now this is what causes the most uncertainty. By relinquishing control, "going with the flow" as I like to say, one begins to trust. What an assurance, what a promise one has when he/she trusts the Lord. It says in this Scripture that, " He will make straight our paths...It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones." I have never before seen these and realized they are promises from the Lord. When He says He will, He will. We must have hope. We must trust.

Right now I am uncertain of the path He is taking me for I have only seen glimpses of His glory. This simple statement makes me glow with joy for I am expectant of the good which He has for me. In order for me to see these things, I must do the this thing called trust. It is not a suggestion in my eyes, but something of necessity.

How much do you trust in the Lord? Or do you constantly try and trust yourself, your human nature and your mind, which will daily fail you? I cannot say with full confidence that  I understand and fully comprehend what trust is, but I am realizing its necessity. Without trust, I do not fully understand hope because in order to hope I must trust. Interesting how that works. They are made from the very same cloth you see. They are pieces of the foundation of our relationship with the Lord. Without them, we have nothing to stand on; it will crumble beneath us.

Psalm 146

"Praise the Lord!

Praise the Lord, O my soul!

I will praise the Lord as long as I live;

I will sing praises to my God while I have my being.

Put not your trust in princes,

in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation.

When his breath departs, he returns to the earth;

 on that very day his plans perish.

Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob,

whose hope is in the Lord his God,

who made heaven and earth,

the sea, and all that is in them,

who keeps faith forever;

who executes justice for the oppressed,

who gives food to the hungry.

The Lord sets the prisoners free;

the Lord opens the eyes of the blind.

The Lord lifts up those who are bowed down;

the Lord loves the righteous.

The Lord watches over the sojourners;

he upholds the widow and the fatherless,

but the way of the wicked he brings to ruin.

The Lord will reign forever,

your God, O Zion, to all generations.

Praise the Lord!"

Let hope and trust be what you walk with daily. Hope has been described to me as the "joyful expectation of good." I find that fitting. As you hope and trust in the Lord, you shall find JOY and experience the goodness of the Father!

Let No Man Determine Your Steps.

The journey and path each of us takes are full of uncertainties and risks. These uncertainties and risks lead us often into a place of wanting to take the lead of our own lives. Over the past year, I have continually given the reigns over to the Father after taking matters into my own hands. I have wanted to figure everything out for myself, perfecting myself in who I thought the Lord had called me to be. 

Something you all must know about me is I have had issues with fear of failure and fear of man for years. I did not realize how much I operated in them till I was at a place of risk. I began making decisions based on the possibility of failure and the disappointment I may be to those I cared about. The thing about those decisions is they were often not what the Lord had intended for me. 

In August of last year I posed several questions to myself. I read over them tonight before I began writing and realized the truth of this idea is deep. 

What does acceptance from man gain us? 

The satisfaction of wholeness in God, which only He can fill? 

The power to bring people Closer to the Lord? 

The ability to have greatness among the world? 

The latter is the answer. It fulfills our fleshes deepest desires of false motives and gaining glory in all we do. At this point, pride has overtaken us, blinded us and does not fulfill our longing for acceptance. For just a minute, let us act as if it is a literal blindness  this acceptance of man causes. Imagine with me if you will, every time you seek this type of acceptance, your vision becomes more and more distorted. Over time you become completely blinded and without sight of the path you are taking. Can you imagine what it would be like to become blind because of your decisions and need for acceptance? I will be the first to say that I would have been walking blindly for the rest of my life. I realized over the last year how unfulfilling and detrimental it was to seek acceptance from man. It will lead you no further than you were before. You see the more you yearn for fleshly acceptance, the less you will depend on acceptance from the Lord. I can attest to this in my own life, yet the Lord has restored my eyesight.

The Lord has had to strip me of so much in order for me to see that I am more than just what I can do for someone. I am worth more than what He has called me to do. I am more precious to Him than to any human on this earth. He loves me so deeply and wants me to be fully restored. I see now that many things I did were not because I desired to do them for people, but because I longed for their acceptance. My motives were not correct and were rooted in deep fear. Since He has opened my eyes, I know I can seek His counsel first and not all human counsel is without bias. 

Many times whilst struggling with acceptance from man, I have said exactly what everyone wanted me to say. The issue is my actions were often not what I had said beforehand because the Lord had gotten hold of my thoughts. I have learned that I process information by speaking it aloud or writing. Since I have realized this, I have become more aware of the words I speak to others around me. I never want to be a person who is divided. My words and actions have not matched in the past and to me that is a terrible thing. I am a woman who has been given authority and leadership from the Lord. Those things are not to be taken lightly. I want to be a woman of God who allows Him to be fully in the midst of all decisions I make. With my Father in the midst, it will allow me to be unified in thought, word, and deed. 

I am not sure if any of you have struggled with these things, but if you have let me encourage you. Acceptance from the Father is the only way in which you can see clearly. Acceptance from Him is the only way you will fulfill the calling and purpose He has called you to. It is the only way you will walk fully in the identity you have in the King. Let no man corrupt your thoughts with his will for your life. Let instead God overwhelm your mind with His thoughts and will for your life. I promise you will be fulfilled with the latter.

“And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” -Colossians 3:17 

I leave you with Scripture (one of my life Scriptures). I believe it is one of the most important things to remember. As a child of God, we are to follow in the steps of His Son, Jesus Christ. We are to show through our daily lives the light of Christ. I am determined to become a woman who is dependent on the Word(s) of the Lord. I want to be a woman who is not willing to compromise because of what a person will say or how they will react. I must stand confidently in the Presence of the King, knowing that I am called by the Lord and am a daughter of His Kingdom. 

I pray your life is filled with this revelation. The revelation that God loves you so deeply and longs for you to trust Him fully. He longs for you to want His acceptance alone. He longs for you to draw near to Him and praise His Holy name! 

My God, My Father

O my God, my Father,
Draw near to me as I am weary.
Release Your hope and deepen my faith
Strengthen my mind and grow my endurance.

O God, the Sovereign Lord,
Place Your mighty hand upon me.
Teach me, correct me.
Let my life be full of perseverance.
Though I may wander and stray from You,
Let me O God be a woman of diligence.

Jesus, my Savior
Deliver me and save me from my foolish ways.
Take me into Your courts and renew me.
Cleanse me now that I may see clearly.

Holy Spirit, my Comforter
Invade me and overflow my soul with peace.
I cry out to encounter You deeply and fully.
The gifts of Your nature I do desire,
so pour them out like heavenly rains.

Abba Abba,
Come before me and hold me tightly.
You are my Rescuer, my very present Help.
Take my hand and guide my paths.
May I follow them always without hesitation.
Give me great faith, O God, and increase my trust in You.

You alone are worthy of all praise.
You go before me and do not lead me astray.
You make my paths straight.
You give me strength when I am weak and weary.
Holy are You God of Israel.
Holy is Your name amongst the nations.
Let me be a woman after Your heart.
Let me be a woman of Your Kingdom.

On the Feet of a Father

At this moment I am reminded of when I was a little girl. I would go visit my grandparents, though I understood not how precious that time was. Today, I sit here as a woman who learned much from her grandparents love for one another and specifically my grandfather's heart for his granddaughters. Oh how I miss him and his joy, his laughter; the tears it brings. 

The day of his funeral my cousin Jared brought a picture he had drawn, a picture of a little girl standing on a grandfather's feet. It was a perfect memory that each of us granddaughter's had. My grandfather would take us, put our feet on his, and dance to a tune all his own. A song he made up just for those moments. I am so glad I have those moments because they are perfect reminders of the Father's love for us.

My grandfather placed me on his feet that he may lead, that I may follow. I believe the Father does also. He places our feet on His feet. He leads us in a dance all His own to a song special for each son or daughter. Its a beautiful dance, a journey unique to each of us. I believe that the Lord wants to meet each of His children in this way. He calls us to himself and asks us to be His, to give everything in return for life and life abundantly. 

Let go and dance with the Father. Let Him love you deeply and call you unto Himself. It is a journey of guidance, faith, hope, mystery, depth, purpose, calling, glory, joy, laughter, trials, temptations, grace, mercy, power, Spirit, growth, intimacy, and LOVE. That sounds like a beautiful journey to me. 

 “I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. ¹⁰ When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love." -John 15:9-10

Rest in that Scripture. Meditate on it.

Deeply Rooted. Fishers of men.

Ezekiel 47:6-12

 ⁶ He asked me, “Have you been watching, son of man?” Then he led me back along the riverbank. ⁷ When I returned, I was surprised by the sight of many trees growing on both sides of the river. ⁸ Then he said to me, “This river flows east through the desert into the valley of the Dead Sea.The waters of this stream will make the salty waters of the Dead Sea fresh and pure. ⁹ There will be swarms of living things wherever the water of this river flows. Fish will abound in the Dead Sea, for its waters will become fresh. Life will flourish wherever this water flows. ¹⁰Fishermen will stand along the shores of the Dead Sea. All the way from En-gedi to En-eglaim, the shores will be covered with nets drying in the sun. Fish of every kind will fill the Dead Sea, just as they fill the Mediterranean.¹¹ But the marshes and swamps will not be purified; they will still be salty. ¹² Fruit trees of all kinds will grow along both sides of the river. The leaves of these trees will never turn brown and fall, and there will always be fruit on their branches. There will be a new crop every month, for they are watered by the river flowing from the Temple. The fruit will be for food and the leaves for healing.”

Tonight this Scripture came alive to me as I was praying for people at Awakening. I read it before service and it stuck with me. I first want to point to verse 6 where Ezekiel is asked, "Have you been watching, son of man?" To preface the entirety of this post, I must explain the Scripture as a whole. Ezekiel is being taken on walk-through of where the stream leads. Throughout the vision, Ezekiel walks through and into the water. The man in the vision then poses the question in verse 6, which reminds me of how aware we must be of what the Lord is doing around us at all times. 

Verses 7 to 12, the man explains what the river's purpose is.

The river brings life, growth, expansion, bears fruit, refreshes, renews and restores. 

I know draw a parallel to John 7:37-38 which says, " ³⁷ On the last day, the climax of the festival, Jesus stood and shouted to the crowds, “Anyone who is thirsty may come to me! ³⁸ Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, ‘Rivers of living water will flow from his heart." 

Also, another scripture that this brings to mind is John 15:1-8 which says, “I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. ² He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. ³ You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. ⁴ Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.

 ⁵ “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. ⁶ Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned. ⁷ But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! ⁸When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my Father."

Yes, both of these scriptures speak of Jesus and the Holy Spirit that dwells within us today. Going back to Ezekiel 47, I want to walk through the revelation I had. Look back at all of bold and underlined words that I have made. These words should speak so deeply to this generation of believers. We are at a vital point where an outbreak of revival across the nations is beginning. It is a renewing, a refreshing. The beauty of this Scripture comes with the parallels of the Scriptures in John. Without the river of living water (Holy Spirit) and remaining in the vine (Christ), we can never fully walk in the ways of the Lord. 

Several things come to mind when I think of a tree growing beside a river. The first is the tree will produce abundantly for it is rooted at the edge of the river. The second is the depth of the roots. The roots of a tree near the river are deep and are filled continually by the water of the river. 

Image with me for a minute that you are a tree rooted beside a river. You would never thirst, have fresh and pure water, you would produce much fruit, and your leaves would never turn because of the vast nutrients you receive daily. This is the picture we should have for our walk with the Lord. He did call us "oaks of righteousness" in Isaiah 61. We should daily seek the Holy Spirit and immerse ourselves in the Lord's presence. We should be confident for our roots run deeply and we receive directly from the source. The vine, which is Christ, that is part of the tree brings it to life even more, producing even more fruit. 

How much fruit we bear is important. 

However, we must acknowledge that there are many different types of fruit; some may bear physically and others spiritually. Do not be ashamed of the fruit you bear for it is of the Kingdom if you are drawing near to the River.

We believers must take the Scripture and write it on our heart, ingest it. We must hunger and thirst for the things of the Lord. The more we seek, the more we hunger and thirst. The more this generation hungers and thirsts, the more restoration, freedom, salvation, peace, joy, goodness, light, and life will come into this world. Once we are filled, we cannot help but to pour out to the people around us. 

Finally, I want to talk about how this river in Ezekiel 47 purified and refreshed the waters of the Dead Sea. It caused it to come alive. We are called as men and women of God to be bold and speak life into those surrounding us. This purifying and refreshing of the waters caused life to come and fish reenter the waters. In Mark 1:17, the Scripture says, "Then Jesus said to them, “Follow Me, and I will make you become fishers of men.”" This parallels to the multitude of nets on the shore with fish in them. These fish are in my opinion the men that Christ spoke to His disciples. We are called to cast our nets for the Kingdom. To some of you reading this the previous statement may sound cheesy, but I am oh so serious. We are called to do more than just receive, receive, receive. We are called to pour out. Therefore, we are the fishermen, as well as, the trees. Ha. That sounds a bit odd. We must do both in order to walk in the will of the Lord. Therefore, each separately is a position we have in the Kingdom. We must constantly be rooted in the river and be casting out our nets for the men and women of this world to grab onto. As they come to shore, they can also become deeply rooted in the river. 

I pray that this post has come together to make since. I know I moved around quite a lot, but this Scripture continues to blow me away. 

Here is the prayer I have for all of you. 

Oh Lord, give us fresh revelation daily of your Word. Let it come alive to us and be new. I pray, Oh Lord, that you will bring clarity and vision to those who cannot see, patience and rest to those who cannot hear, and peace for those who cannot speak. I pray Lord that you would prepare this generation to abide in the River. Let Your River flow over our roots and awaken the branches to bear fruit. Lord, purify and prune us that we may be used more than ever before. Strengthen us that we may stand in the midst of the storms, floods, and trials. Oh God, may we be still and also cry out to You. As in Ecclesiastes 3, there is a time for everything. Let us know and discern which is this. Thank you Father for the revelation of Your Word and the truth it brings. Thank you Lord for this year ahead of us. May it be a year of abundance and blessing. Holy Spirit may we find rest in you. Amen.

The Truth of Love (Letting Go)

I write this as a woman in a season of great transition. I cannot say for sure whether or not the decisions I am making are one hundred percent His will. This puts me in a sticky situation. Tonight I was watching an episode of my favorite girly TV show and I realized sometimes true love comes in the letting go. It comes in the moment when you must abandon yourself, losing all you thought you were in order to find who you truly are. 

This epiphany may not be new to some but to me it is oh so real. My heart aches knowing that I have missed the beauty of true love for so long. Throughout my life there have been hints here and there. There have been moments when my Papa has shown me His love in enormous ways. There have been moments when it is simple and pure. Last night the Lord revealed to me true love. He made me realize that no single person can make me whole. No person can “complete me.” (Remember that scene in Jerry McGuire). In the midst of rush of life when papers, presentations, and work consume my every day, I must take a moment and rest in True Love’s arms. All of this may seem cheesy to you but it is not to me. It is a lovely piece to the puzzle of my life.

Without much revealing, I will let you into the last few months of my life. I have been growing at a rapid pace in the Lord even when I seem to feel stagnant. The wisdom that I have received, the rest and peace I have needed are all around me now. I am at a point in my life where I am truly becoming the woman of God I have been created to be. I can honestly say it has not come easy and that one life situation in particular has accelerated it very much. Many of you have no idea what I am eluding to, while others read this with such knowledge. Regardless, my life is being transformed, tested, refined, restored, and renewed.

The LOVE of the Father never fails, is always faithful, is pure and true, runs deep, calls us closer, and cannot wait to embrace us. The reality is that God is always present in our lives, in the good and bad. Even in the midst of His judgement and correction, He loves. Oh the beauty of Him, the One who cleansed and purified me with His blood. 

The world has created a picture of love that is half truth. Some get it right, others do not. It is something you can fall in and out of, it is a lust, it is temporary, it is “romance,” it is...you can fill in the blank. Read the paragraph before this one again. 

Doesn’t it make you redefine “true love.” True love is self-sacrificing, surrendered, pure, patient, enduring, and I could go on and on and on. Just look throughout Scripture at the beautiful love that is portrayed in the Prophets, the Gospels, or the books to the Church. 

Now is the time to step into a surrendered life. There is a song that continues to fill my mind, as well as, I Surrender All. It is the Will Reagan song, “Climb.” 

Lyrics: “I lean not on my own understanding, my life is in the hands of the Maker of Heaven./ I give it all to you God, trusting that You’ll make something beautiful out of me./I will climb this mountain with hands wide open...There’s nothing I hold on to.”

Rest in the fact that the Father wants all of you. He wants to know you, for you to “Abide” in Him. (John 15). Don’t wait. Do not let your desires overwhelm you. The desires of a human relationship, success, power, etc. Let His desires be yours. Let your life be His. I am learning this all just as you are/will. I cannot say I have it down, but I am beginning to see how perfect His love and will for my life is. Regardless of how I want things to happen, I must trust that the Lord in His righteousness will lead me on His perfect path for my life. 

I am no longer my own. I have become the Father’s. I have found myself. I can see my destiny. I am called and full of purpose. I leave all my failures at His throne. I turn away from evil things. I embrace His goodness. I seek His True and Unfailing LOVE.

By the way, I am not saying that certain things may not be desires placed in your heart by the Father. I am saying that we must trust in His will for our lives to know where He is leading. We must not hold on to anything...a person, a plan, family, a friendship, a job, a talent, a gifting, nothing. Be at peace knowing that the Lord is leading you. Be at peace knowing that if you set your eyes upon His glorious countenance, your (His) desires will be fulfilled.

Proverbs 3:1-6

    But let your heart keep my commands;

       2 For length of days and long life 

      And peace they will add to you. 

       3 Let not mercy and truth forsake you; 

      Bind them around your neck, 

      Write them on the tablet of your heart, 

       4 And so find favor and high esteem 

      In the sight of God and man. 

       5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, 

      And lean not on your own understanding; 

       6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, 

      And He shall direct your paths.