____________. Be still.

I am feeling ______. I am in one of those times where I have no idea what is going on. I am lost without reason wanting to find a solution. Knowing the solution is the strangest part because even if you follow through you feel like you've accomplished nothing. Prayer is my answer. Simple right...knowing what to ask for is the hardest part. I guess I need not ask...but seek and be still. "Be still and know I am God." -Psalm 46:10. That has come up in my life several times lately and I need to listen. Stop. Be still. Those last two sentences seem unknowingly impossible. I don't often stop but I am becoming more willing now that I must lean on God constantly. Its not like I shouldn't always do that but understanding that I must is something I just realized a few months ago. Even though I understand that, I let myself get in the way of that.

I use my emotions as an outlet like a kid screaming for help in the middle of a busy crowd. No one can hear him though there are so many people around. Not a good way to communicate especially when it is hurting those around you. When you have no clue whats going on but you know something is wrong...how can you tell someone? I guess you can't but thats no excuse for hurting those closest to without reason. Sometimes all you can do is apologize but it doesn't change anything...you screwed up...BUT you can't beat yourself up about it and you sure can't hold on to it.

I guess right now all I can do is fall on my face and pray to my Daddy and seek help and comfort. Maybe just maybe no...he certainly will carry me if he needs to.

It feels so nice to get these things out of my head instead of just stewing about it all. Thanks for listening.

Love you all so much and I hope God is blessing you and teaching you things daily =)

Reflecting on HOW I LIVE!

Today is one of those days of reflection. Sometimes I wonder why people act the way they do. Is it necessary? Probably not. We overreact making the world seem a little bit more drama-filled than needed. Why? Because we want to have some reason to vent and some people just want that attention. I am experienced when it comes to being slightly overdramatic about daily things that are petty and not something to get all bent out of shape about. I am glad that I realized that part of me. It is pointless and unneeded to get upset especially when its at people you care a lot about.

Yesterday that happened to me. I got upset at my best friend and it was so not worth it. I look back at it and laugh because something like that is so juvenile and not worth the spat in the first place. I love Lindsey too much to let the little petty things get in my way. Why did I? I dont even know.

Anyways, thats not my reason for writing today. REFLECTION. What view am I giving to those on the outside? Good. Bad. Unnecessary. Truthful. Only they know and God. I must take a step back look at my life and see if I am living like Christ. I want to yearn for Him and find the secrets in His Word...the TRUTH! The world is a sneaky place full of ways to distract you from your goal. Why? BECAUSE SATAN WANTS TO WIN!!!!!!!!!! He wants to separate you from all you love here on the earth and from your Daddy! This means that we should fight...I should fight against this world's system and get on track with the amazing plans my God has for me. =) Oh joyful that makes me....I treasure that gift of Joy God has given me because he wants me to pour over all I meet and come in contact with.

PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE IS GOOOOODD!!!! HE KNOWS YOU AND YOUR HEART...LET HIS PLANS BE YOURS! LET YOUR LIFE BE HIS! BE HIS!

Reflect on your life. Find the battles Satan is trying to win and FIGHT!!!!!!!! Call on the name of Jesus daily, love him wholely and surrender your life to Him. =) Be in awe of the beauty he's placed ALL AROUND YOU! Like today...its November the leaves are falling, the sun is out, the wind is blowing, and temperature is just right!

i love you all dearly and i pray that God blesses your days and weeks to come! =D

Do We Condemn or Love?

Today is a new day filled with amazing opportunities to love our Daddy and love on people.

Yesterday held the same opportunities as today and some tried to "take advantage". The only problem was they used it as an opportunity to spread hate and not love. A "minister," I use that term lightly, decided to come to MTSU to speak. He was outside the KUC speaking, telling people they are not saved unless they stop sinning. It is impossible for a human to ever STOP sinning. We sin daily but we must lay them down at the foot of the cross. This man spoke horribly about homosexuals, unbelievers, and anything else he found was wrong in the world. He did not love the people he was speaking to but felt the right to condemn them to an eternity of pain and suffering in hell.

He spoke for about 45 minutes but im not sure since I didnt actually attend the speaking. A girl there wanted to ask him a question. He responded to her before she could ask," Are you saved?" Her response was,"No I am not a believer." He then told her he could/would not answer her question.

This man chose to try to "save" people by making them feel worthless and unloved by believers and by God. He missed the part of the Word that speaks about God's love and mercy. His forgiveness of sins and willingness to love the lost, the brokenhearted, and the unloved. How awesome is our God? This man portrayed the epitome of what a Christian or believer should not be like. Our human nature causes us to judge. He was becoming the judge. None of us are judges and none of us are without sin. We all fall short of the glory of God daily but we must lie at the feet of the Almighty and be found blameless in His Sight.

Not only did all of this happen but a girl pushed him down the stairs accusing him of groping her. None of us know that to be true but she was arrested and he is in the hospital. Wow! Thats what your thinking right now...

There are several things we must know: 1) We are to Love God, Love others. That is our first and most simple calling in life. 2) We must not judge others or condemn them to hell but in loving kindness help them find God. 3) We should pray for all of the parties that partook in this situation. The minister that he may see that condemnation is not the way to save but love is the way. The young girl and all the others that heard his message. May they not feel worthless but pray that they will look past this event. Last but not least...you should pray that God begins to move here and around the world.

LOVE YOU ALL AND GOD BLESS!

Fill us Up and Send Us Out!

Strength in the midst of weakness is so available through our God. We cannot feel uncertain in our weakness. He declares us His and we must not fall into the ways of the world in our weakness. For if we rely on our Dad we will find great power, great strength, and great peace. Oh how beautiful is the sight of those dancing and leaning on God. There is beauty in the midst of suffering and peace, joy and the TRUTH. Rely not on your own understanding. Do we get it? It is HE WHO DWELLS WITHIN US THAT WE MUST RELY ON! We are made of flesh yet our God dwells in us using the imperfect to do His great work.

Our lives are not our own. We cannot stand on this earth declaring the name of our God yet living as we will. We must fall on our faces give thanks and lay down our lives for Him. We must be obedient and find our true purpose and self in Him our God! Praise Him in all you do. Listen to Him and find the secrets He has hidden. Let God reveal himself through you. shine the light. Be known to all that He LIVES IN YOU!!! You are not your own anymore....but His. He's yours and you are His! Be amazed at what he is able to do in the midst of your suffering. :) love him, dance with him, be in his presence, lean in, find the secrets, and read the truth!!

These are a few thoughts I had tonight while we were in the awesome service at Sunday PM. God showed up in amazing ways and really opened up eyes and hearts that have been blinded for so long. I wonder sometimes whether or not we are supposed to fully comprehend him ever...my guess is No. He is an eternal mystery full of grace and mercy. I feel like I'm called somewhere but where I'm not exactly sure. I want to go somewhere and be used but now is not the season. He will use me when the time is right which is not of my knowing. I am so excited to just GO...no regard for order just being obedient to my God. Hm...that's so comforting to me. He has me in His arms daily and is taking me an adventure. I am going to reach the lost and show those who have turned away the Way. He has given me a joy and a peace that overflow to those around me. I am blessed with these gifts and so many more that have not been revealed to me yet.

Where are you being called? What's he doing in your life right now? What gifts has he placed in you? How much do you want to fall madly in love with him? Answer these questions.

Pray. Be at peace and worry not. Fall in love and lean on Him daily. Seek His Word for it is the Truth... and HE IS LOVE!!!

Love you guys. Sorry its been so long. =)

Rockin My World and Having Meaning

So today God ROCKED MY WORLD just like He said He would start doing. God spoke through one of my good friends, Carlos. He opened my eyes to what has been going on around me the last year and the poison that has been seeping into my body...sarcasm, perversion, tearing down, etc. All things that I have become accustomed to lately...sarcasm has always kind of been in my life but the rest nope...not really. God has really working on my heart and letting me know that I need to let go of some people and some things...I have not been completely obedient..half-doing. Losing people is hard but necessary sometimes. All I could do was breakdown and cry because it breaks my heart that things have come to pass like this.

I realized that I am just being enabled to continue my same old pattern by the people around me and Satan. He is telling me it is okay to continue my actions and thoughts which is false. It is not okay and it must be put to an end because I am not giving my all to God. I am not fully opening my heart to the plan He has for me. I continue to search and seek out what I think will satisfy and those things never will. Only what God provides will bring satisfaction.

Sunday night I worshipped like I haven't in ages...there was so much passion and renewal and then the next night I fell right back into the same ole stuff....not worth it or permanent. All wordly things will fade away and become dust.

James 5:1-6 "Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming upon you. Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. Look! The wages you failed to pay the workmen who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty. You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the day of slaughter.You have condemned and murdered innocent men, who were not opposing you."


Now that is a cut isn't it. Verse 3 is the real hard hitter..."Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire.." Dang...think about that...

Changing the flow of this page I wanted to bring up a quote that Carlos brought up. I will not be able to get it exact but basically Jesus does not do meaningless. So many of our conversations with people are empty and meaningless and if you think about it we might not ever see that person again. We must always be mindful of our conversation and avoid the awkward filler. We must fill our lives with deep meaningful and sometimes light-hearted conversation. Why not? Why waste words...why not fill someone's life with joy and life in itself...that sounds awesome. As you can tell I have a lot on my mind and God is continuing to show me some awesome things.

Another thing that was brought to my attention was that we are not to be comfortable with where we are with God...to be comfortable is to be completely content with you and God's relationship. That's silly. We should always want more and strive for a better loving relationship with Him. Yes we fall short of the glory of God but there is mercy and grace which Christ sacrificed himself for. Am I right? This is a topic that seems to come up often at SlowBurn because we must burn for HIM who created us! Isn't that crazy awesome! To love God with everything we have...Matthew 22:37 is a verse which is to be lived by...so LETS DO IT!!!

May God bless you and may you never stop pursuing His Love and Mercy....Its amazing and will fill all of the holes you're replacing with worldly things. LOVE YOU!

Random Thoughts for sure...

Right now I am listening to "Hurricane" by Jimmy Needham. I feel like this song encompasses so much of what I want right now. I love it! "I need you like a hurricane. Thunder crashing wind and rain. To tear my walls down..I'm only yours now. I need you like a burning flame. A wildfire untamed...to burn these walls down...I'm only yours now, I'm only yours now." I feel like that is exactly what I'm doing...building walls...which is in no way good.

I guess I'm just tired of getting burned. Tonight one of my closest friends, Bri, my friend's cousin, and I were sitting at Starbuck's and asking questions...one being.."What are five words that describe your life?" Hm...I thought. These are the five I chose...SILLY, INTERESTED, PROTECTIVE, JOYFUL, and HONEST...I really think that sums me up.

I have a lot of thoughts right now and I'm not sure how I am going to sum them all up.

I guess I can start with how that song I mentioned kind of cuts me to the core. Sometimes I feel like I don't give him everything and I give myself to other things. It kind of ties in with the book I'm reading at the moment...Crazy Love. Its a challenging book and I have almost quit because its been messing me up. I think I might just have to start over. Its crazy how words on a page can change your perspective and challenge you. The book calls you out on things cannot even imagine...now that I think about it..I'm gonna go read...maybe then I can put a complete thought together.

I'm my own Worst Enemy!

So this past week I went to Gulf Shores and just let me tell you that God was there. He showed up everywhere especially at night when Lindsey and I walked on the beach. I can feel His presence but at the same time I feel so far away from Him. I feel like somehow I am running from Him and the things He has for.

Last night God spoke to me and said that there are going to be challenges ahead and that I need to lean on Him because He has everything I need. How true is that? But why in the world don't I receive that sometimes. I was talking to Lindsey last night and I realized how much I make myself unhappy a lot of times. I purposely put myself in a bad mood...I feel like I shouldn't be happy....what gives me the right to be happy?....who gives me the right? Of course the answer is God, my Father and Savior. I cannot figure out why at this point in my walk I am struggling so much.

There is one person and situation in my life that I seem to be holding onto. I am letting the pain get to me and letting it rule my life. I am letting one small problem rule my world...why? Because if I let go of the pain I will possibly lose that friendship forever...it just doesn't seem fair. God told me that this situation would be hard for me but He just didn't say how hard.

I feel like I am going nowhere in my walk with God right now...that I have just stopped...not because I am content but because I don't know if I have the strength too. Taylor's cousin asked why its so hard for me to talk about it...I can't put my finger on it but for some reason to write it down on this page seems easier.

Have you ever felt like you were being crushed by yourself...that you aren't willing to let go and watch God work in your life? Why can't I do it on my own? What will happen if I try to? I know the answers to all of those questions...do I believe them or is it just knowledge.

So here's what God told me exactly..."Do not fear for I am the Lord! You saw my beauty all around you this last week. Challenge is ahead of you, it may seem impossible at the moment to think that you can get through and your right.....I see what's ahead for you and you must seek me. Its scary to lean completely on something unseen...but isn't it even greater that you can...because your Father will be holding your hand...."

To see that and hear it is comforting but to internalize it is hard right now. I think I have put my guard up to everything in my life except for a few people who God has led me to know and trust and confide in. I think that tonight should be an opportunity for me to reflect on what God has been saying in my life and sit and listen to Him. Read His Word and Meditate...worship Him...and like he told me DON'T WORRY!!!!!!!!!

Much love and God Bless....I'm praying that you may get through anything in your life that is hindering your walk with God...and that you seek Him daily.