Brokenness into Victory.

I just wanted to write a bit of an encouraging word to everyone out there who thinks that things can't get any better. I am writing to those who are hurting or lost, feel completely broken, and are trying to do it all by themselves. I have one thing to say to you, you can't do this on your own.

For the past three or four months I have been living in this funk, in this place where the only solution was God and I had not even one good excuse as to why I was not giving it all to him. I have written before about some of the heartbreak and issues that I have been dealing with over these past few months but now I can tell you I can see the light. Victory is here and no one can stop it. This last Thursday I finally got back to SlowBurn after my month long time away...felt like a lot longer. Anyways, several people could tell something was off and I was tired of hiding the tears so I let them out. During service I could hardly concentrate because I could feel the freedom and the pain fighting each other. The good thing about God is he is bigger than all of the pain and suffering any person is dealing with. He is bigger than our selfish struggle to be in control of our lives. My mentor Jodi prayed for me after service and I could feel a literal weight off my shoulders. It was insane! There are a lot of other things that I have to deal with but now that I have taken the step to surrender to the Lord everything is starting to become clear.

Clint was talking about being a river dweller, which is the equivalent to being completely encapsulated in the Holy Spirit, being utterly in love with the Lord. Wow! That is not something that gets taught a lot these days. No many people talk about what power the Lord has. Many people today are worshipping a powerless God built on legalities and rules. My friends that is not the God of Jacob. The God of the Bible was mighty and powerful, peaceful and loving, jealous and strong. The God of this age is small and meak with on means of helping us succeed. He brings pain and sickness in order to make us stronger. He is lacking power and the ability to speak to us. That is not the true God. That is the God that the world has tricked many of us into believing.

MY GOD is...
living.
powerful, mighty and true.
just.
everywhere.
loving and kind.
always here and never forsaking.

MY GOD wants...
me to succeed and dream big because he is a BIG GOD.
me to find rest in him at all times.
love him deeply and be romanced by him.
everything.

Does the God you serve have the power of the Holy Spirit or is lacking in that department? Does the God you serve have the qualities that my God has?

There is only one God living and that is the God written about in the Word. The one who is the Word. Who is Truth. Who brought his son to die so that we may live a life full of grace and mercy. A life that is full of beauty and love because his love overflows out of our hearts and mouths as we seek him.

Satan has been tricking me over these months into believing that the Lord in not truth and he is not going to be able to take the pain and hurt away. He has also been setting me up for the belief that I should trust no one especially God. How crazy is it that I was falling for it until I went to England. I got there and had an amazing time and figured out a lot about where I have been at lately. Part of me has wanted to press in and be with the Lord while the other half wanted to get away from everything and everyone and do my own thing. My own thing obviously wasn't that successful and began to wear me down. Guys, living in sin, shame, condemnation, guilt, pain, hurt, frustration, anger, fear, etc. is not worth it...trust me. Those things continue to wear down your mind and bring you to a place of true despair which is not good. I am a living testimony of how God can move in two days. On Tuesday I was out with my friend Nina and I was telling her how I felt trapt in a sea of pain and hurt. Then on Thursday once I stepped back into the presence of God, the presence of the my Papa with whom I have left hanging the past month, I felt the freedom and peace that I could have. I felt the rest I could. It was wonderful to worship my Papa and be loved on by him. If you haven't taken time to just rest in him please do. I am telling you right now you will feel refreshed and brand new. Talk to him about what's going on in your life even though he already knows because he is a good listener. And if you're willing he will answer you. But if you're patient and rest in him, he will give you answers to questions you haven't even asked.

So this definitely turned out to be longer than I thought it would be but no apologies because this is my heart. This is where I am at and what's going on in my life. I hope you guys have received something from it and that love is overflowing out of each letter I type.

Love you all.