Focus not Fear.

The last month and a half has been one of a lot of subtle revelation that has just begin to settle in. I will begin with the fact that I have had two car wrecks. This may not seem important but it came with deep revelation. Both times I was not focused on the road ahead of me as I should have been. Yesterday my friend said that every time he sees my car or my kind of car, a Ford FOCUS, he is reminded of the necessary need to focus. With these things in mind, I will let you know where I have been in my walk with the Lord. It seems that there is a lot of distraction and worry that has come my way. All of these will be conquered of course.

I am what I would consider a control freak...not the way we would normally define it. I am in the sense of my relationship with God. All of my life I have controlled situations, circumstances to the best of my ability until I could not anymore, until I had to give it to God. I had nowhere else to turn to. Over the last two years, I have begun to realize how much I cannot do it on my own. I have realized that the Lord is my Strength, my Defender, my Help, my Counselor, my Father. These last two months have been of great exception. There has been particular situations in which I want to control, thinking that I am capable of handling this on my own. Ha.

That my friends is a lie.

All of these situations have made me realize that I have been controlled by the spirit of fear for such a long time. Fear is like a house of mirrors you would go to at the fair. All of the mirrors distort your vision, make you uncertain of how to walk through, and gives you a feeling of panic. This is how I view it at least. When fear has a control in your life, you do not focus like you should. You begin to make decisions for yourself without any counsel from the Lord. You begin to use defense mechanisms so people cannot get close to you, become an emotional mess, etc. This has been a huge part of my life over the last ten years. I would not recommend it to anyone.

I did not realize that fear was at the root until a beautiful woman of God in my life, Deena, called it out (this was in August). Ever since that day, the revelation that I have been driven by fear has become such a reality. It also has shown me how I've kept God at an arm's length. I would not have to overcome some of those deep issues within my heart in fear that if I did, I would lose myself and fear that He would hurt me in some way. All of these are lies. I understand that in my mind, but overcoming them has been a challenge. It will continue to be that way until I am willing to lay it all down.

Let me jump back into the true topic of dicussion: Focus. That word should dominate my life. Instead of focusing on the issues, the circumstances, the solutions, I should be focusing on my wonderful Father and Counselor. I am in need of setting my eyes upon His glorious face. I am in need of letting Him embrace me so I can hear His heartbeat. I want more of Him so much. Focus is the only way I can accomplish any of this.

I tell you of how I have lived, I speak of what I must do, in order for you to avoid these same issues. I encourage you to devote your whole life to God, the good and the bad. No matter what God will have your best interest in mind. He desires that you may have life and life abundantly. =) Just press into Him. Today is the beginning of a new way of life of me. A way of life where God is my focus and everything else will fall in line.

God, let us be men and women that have our eyes set on you. Men and women who do not worry for tomorrow, but are confident in today. Let us devote our lives to you wholly without hesitation. Let us be consumers of Your Word, seekers of Your heart, lovers of Your presence. Let us be lovers of prayer and warriors for your Kingdom. Let our goal not be the calling but a deep relationship with You. Let us not be self-seeking. Oh God! May we cry out in our secret place, removing the darkness for more of YOU! Amen.