To truly Worship

I began to think about what worship truly is to us. If I could define worship it would be passionately pursuing the one who has called me to do great things in pure abandon. Last night I was talking with my friend Carlos and realized that all it takes for me to worship is to open my arms wide and tell the Lord, "I'm Yours." Just abandoning yourself with true passion for the Lord is worship.

A big problem that I have been facing for quite some time is that I am not good enough to lead or be part of worship. For some reason, I have had the mindset that I am second best and someone else is more qualified than me. When I was at Summer Jubilee I had to face this head on. A good acquaintance of mine came up to me and spoke honestly to me about something I needed to work on when I help lead worship. It was something that I have always worried and been self conscious about but not even one of my friends could tell me to my face. Now that I know one of my problems I can overcome it and grow from it.

When you have the mentality that you are not good enough you begin to think that everything is a competition. Not only did I do that, I had some very deep wounds of hurt that I hadn't released to the Lord. As of Wednesday night at Summer Jubilee, I am free from that pain. To some people it came off that I was competing because I thought I was better but it was all out of my feelings of inferiority. I can now claim that God has the victory and that the enemy has no place. I know this does not seem relevant to what I began talking about but it is these two things that hindered me from truly worshipping my Daddy. =)

Back to what I was saying in the beginning. I feel that we must get into the mindset where every time we meet with the Lord, whether alone at home or in car or in a group worship setting, we must release ourselves completely to the Lord. Of course, the wounds and issues I wrote about above are just two of the many things I have to gain victory in in my life but it is a start. Now I can go into worship and sit at His feet, onstage or off, and feel complete. I can seek Him and not feel like I am any less than another person. My passion is there and always has been but there was something that was keeping it from being truly genuine and pure. Now I can look Satan in the face and tell him he has lost the battle and that he has no place in my time with the Lord.

This is all to say. Figure out if there is something keeping you from worshipping the Lord in full abandon and with your whole heart. Begin to inquire the Lord about it and figure out what you need to do. At the end of the day the Lord is always there ready and willing to spend time with you, but you must know it is your decision whether to live in that mindset. To know that He is the One True God. To know that no one else can fill the holes that are gaping in your heart.

Also, I want you to begin to see how important it is to spend time with the Lord. When you spend time in worship to the Lord with no motives or plans of your own, he will begin to work in you. One of the biggest things you must remember is go into worship with a pure heart. Spend time in prayer preparing yourself to be able to have an open mind, heart, ears, and spirit. He wants all of you. When you begin the process of truly giving that to him and falling deeply in love with your Papa, then you will begin to see big changes. The enemy will try to stop you from making progress, so you must be ready to stop the enemy in his tracks and spend even more time with the Lord.

Spend some time in prayer to the Lord daily and seek Him not only in musical worship but also in His Word. =) I hope this can inspire at least one person. Love you all very much and God Bless.

Destiny or Dysfunction?

Over the past several months Clint has spoken sermons over these two things and as he has I have received more and more revelation from the Lord about them. If you wanted find a good way of describing the opposite of destiny it would be dysfunction and vice versa.



These two words are the theme of the season I am going through. You, I and everyone else pursuing the Lord must make a decision whether to live in a life of dysfunction or live a life full of destiny. The revelations that the Lord has given me about destiny and dysfunction is ridiculous because it does not only concern me but every single person in the body of Christ. Here are some pieces of this revelation. The first thing the Lord revealed to me was that I was living in dysfunction. The reason I did not know I was or that people in general do not know they are living in dysfunction is that it becomes our normal. It becomes our everyday way of doing things or our mindsets. I have been living in dysfunction with my family and friends and have been completely content. Something I began to realize though is once you see the dysfunction it becomes more and more clear how unfulfilling it is. You can live your whole life and not realize that something you were taught was wrong and brought you down just a little bit. The more dysfunction you have the less able you are to put your complete focus on the Lord. I know this from personal experience. For example, in my life I am plagued with dysfunctions of control, lack of independence, and how family relationships are supposed to work. I have grown up thinking that my parents having control of my life is okay until I got a reality check and realized that not even I am in control of my own life but its the Lord's.



Now that I have prefaced what true dysfunction is I want you to understand how important destiny is. Your destiny is God given and purposeful. The Lord created you for a very specific purpose on this earth. Each and everyone of us is a piece of the puzzle and part of the body of Christ. Our destiny in the Lord is great and sufficient. It is without doubt or fear because his purposes for us are GOOD because he himself is GOOD. We are individually called out by the Lord to give our lives that we may live out the desires of our heart. Those desires are part of your destiny and will be but a piece of your destiny. Your calling and purpose are the things we must run towards.

Which one at the end of the day are you going to choose? Will you live in a life where the lies you have been taught are part of being normal are okay or are you going to live your life in the love of the Lord, following his purpose for your life?

NOW is the time to seek the Lord and for him to reveal the dysfunction and ask him how to deal with it. I can honestly say I am continually finding more and more things that are part of dysfunction and asking him to free me from it and find the heavenly mindset. I, as well as you, must seek the Lord in what our destiny is. What is our purpose on this earth? How will we help the Lord in revealing His KINGDOM!

Pray for revelation and seek the Lord with everything that you are! You think you know who you are at this moment but you have no idea. The Lord knows and he wants you to see the amazing person you are in him and the amazing plans he has for your life.

Remember first and foremost..."Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength." -Matt. 22:37

Brokenness into Victory.

I just wanted to write a bit of an encouraging word to everyone out there who thinks that things can't get any better. I am writing to those who are hurting or lost, feel completely broken, and are trying to do it all by themselves. I have one thing to say to you, you can't do this on your own.

For the past three or four months I have been living in this funk, in this place where the only solution was God and I had not even one good excuse as to why I was not giving it all to him. I have written before about some of the heartbreak and issues that I have been dealing with over these past few months but now I can tell you I can see the light. Victory is here and no one can stop it. This last Thursday I finally got back to SlowBurn after my month long time away...felt like a lot longer. Anyways, several people could tell something was off and I was tired of hiding the tears so I let them out. During service I could hardly concentrate because I could feel the freedom and the pain fighting each other. The good thing about God is he is bigger than all of the pain and suffering any person is dealing with. He is bigger than our selfish struggle to be in control of our lives. My mentor Jodi prayed for me after service and I could feel a literal weight off my shoulders. It was insane! There are a lot of other things that I have to deal with but now that I have taken the step to surrender to the Lord everything is starting to become clear.

Clint was talking about being a river dweller, which is the equivalent to being completely encapsulated in the Holy Spirit, being utterly in love with the Lord. Wow! That is not something that gets taught a lot these days. No many people talk about what power the Lord has. Many people today are worshipping a powerless God built on legalities and rules. My friends that is not the God of Jacob. The God of the Bible was mighty and powerful, peaceful and loving, jealous and strong. The God of this age is small and meak with on means of helping us succeed. He brings pain and sickness in order to make us stronger. He is lacking power and the ability to speak to us. That is not the true God. That is the God that the world has tricked many of us into believing.

MY GOD is...
living.
powerful, mighty and true.
just.
everywhere.
loving and kind.
always here and never forsaking.

MY GOD wants...
me to succeed and dream big because he is a BIG GOD.
me to find rest in him at all times.
love him deeply and be romanced by him.
everything.

Does the God you serve have the power of the Holy Spirit or is lacking in that department? Does the God you serve have the qualities that my God has?

There is only one God living and that is the God written about in the Word. The one who is the Word. Who is Truth. Who brought his son to die so that we may live a life full of grace and mercy. A life that is full of beauty and love because his love overflows out of our hearts and mouths as we seek him.

Satan has been tricking me over these months into believing that the Lord in not truth and he is not going to be able to take the pain and hurt away. He has also been setting me up for the belief that I should trust no one especially God. How crazy is it that I was falling for it until I went to England. I got there and had an amazing time and figured out a lot about where I have been at lately. Part of me has wanted to press in and be with the Lord while the other half wanted to get away from everything and everyone and do my own thing. My own thing obviously wasn't that successful and began to wear me down. Guys, living in sin, shame, condemnation, guilt, pain, hurt, frustration, anger, fear, etc. is not worth it...trust me. Those things continue to wear down your mind and bring you to a place of true despair which is not good. I am a living testimony of how God can move in two days. On Tuesday I was out with my friend Nina and I was telling her how I felt trapt in a sea of pain and hurt. Then on Thursday once I stepped back into the presence of God, the presence of the my Papa with whom I have left hanging the past month, I felt the freedom and peace that I could have. I felt the rest I could. It was wonderful to worship my Papa and be loved on by him. If you haven't taken time to just rest in him please do. I am telling you right now you will feel refreshed and brand new. Talk to him about what's going on in your life even though he already knows because he is a good listener. And if you're willing he will answer you. But if you're patient and rest in him, he will give you answers to questions you haven't even asked.

So this definitely turned out to be longer than I thought it would be but no apologies because this is my heart. This is where I am at and what's going on in my life. I hope you guys have received something from it and that love is overflowing out of each letter I type.

Love you all.

Willing to give it ALL

I have discovered that we are creatures of habit. Good, bad, and ugly. As we grow, we begin to discover the dysfunction we have been living in, see the lies for what they are, and find ourselves bought with a price for a purpose. I am at a point in my walk where I am challenging everything and beginning to wonder if what I know and believe is true. Lately, I have become very content in my walk which is problem number one. The bigger problem is that there is something that is keeping me from going, something hindering me from wanting to press through. The tools I have learned over the years to use in the midst of trials have become very unappealing to me. The Word which is the lamp unto my feet, prayer, and worship have become second to myself.
Last night I was talking to my friend on the phone and I realized that my thought at this time in life is, "I just want to be alone." The reasons for wanting to be alone are things that I should have long ago conquered. I am a very trusting person and love people with all that I can. In the past four or five months though trying to balance these friendships has become uninteresting to me. I don't want to try at anything anymore. I have become complacent and willing to stay here. The main reason is because I have been hurt once again because of my willingness to open my heart and trust. I am tired of being stepped on and for some reason I have began to hear and receive the lies that God will do the same. Of course I know that is a lie.

Now that I have giving a prelude to what I really wanted to write about here I go...

I have a question for you all....Have you given it all? Have you given everything to God? Or are you still holding on to pieces of your past that have caused pain, worry, stress, uncertainty, and distrust?
That's me. There is a part of me that won't let go. If that's you...you need to let go. To feel the freedom of a new day. A new life. I want to be able to let go of all these things to experience what life could be like. I am beginning to see that this is battle that has been raging for years within me and now is the test. Can I let go? Something I wonder about people is why they choose to become bitter, lost, and confused instead of finding forgiveness, a new perspective, and peace. Hm...I cannot even begin to comprehend living a life full of death. Full of destruction.
Again, I look at myself and see there are parts of me that are dying and they are keeping me from continuing on the path the Lord has for me. I want you to sit and seek the Lord to see what death you have inside of you. Do not become someone willing to be alone like I am right now. I want more but the question I am asking myself is, "Am I willing to let go in order to find peace and prosper?" The answer to that question is simple but my heart and mind are battling each other. One says, "Get rid of this filth," while the other is saying, "Keep it. It will just make you stronger." Now I must choose to follow one or the other. One will lead to rest, peace,and a new perspective and the other will lead to death and destruction.

Seek God at all times. Do not be scared but find boldness. I am looking for it right now. Seeking it out. I pray that the Lord works on your hearts and you find a new freedom.

One last question... Are you willing to give it All? Regardless of the effects, of the pain to get to the peace, and of the emptiness that will be filled with love?

Love you all very much.

Revelation of the Lies!

Here is an inspired thought for the moment:
I was cleaning my room and trying on different clothes to see if I wanted to keep them. In the process I began critquing myself, thinking that I am not beautiful enough. Look how easily the devil sneaks those lies into your head? Too easily...but our human nature wants to conform to the things of this world when instead we must be transformed by God daily. I have been struggling the last few months with some very personal issues. I am honest so believe me I will be discrete yet truthful about what's been going on in my life.
For the past two or three months I have been dealing with whether I am good enough, whether I am worth to have as a friend, a girlfriend, even a daughter. My faults seem to have outweighed the strengths in my mind. I have been reading books about battling with the mind and the strongholds created by Satan. Though I have been reading them, I have not been receiving them fully. I need to battle against the lies that I am not worth it, that I am not beautiful, and that I am not good enough to be loved. I know I am loved by my Papa here on earth and that I have many people on this earth that care about me but Satan won out on my mind. I believed that though God has given me many gifts, people, and life I am no good and will never become anyone worth caring for.
Something I have always had an issue with is wanting to control everything around me, commanding the attention of a room and wanting to fix my own problems. Your thinking...wow she has issues. Ha. Your tellin me. I have no clue how I got here besides believing that I can do everything on my own. I grew up knowing the Lord and learning about him from a very young age yet in retrospect I know nothing about him. His nature is deep and I must be "in the vine" in order to fully begin to know him. I have been wondering to myself why I have not been able to move past this certain point in my walk and in my life. Wondering why all of the same things continually happen to me. You know what I found out. I am running on a hamster wheel of my own creation thinking things will change with my own might. BIG FAT LIE from the Father of Lies.
I am beautiful child of God the Father Almighty who has perfect plans for me. He formed me in his image and has made me that I might love and serve him. <---that a="a" all="all" am="am" and="and" any="any" at="at" awful="awful" been="been" before="before" beginning="beginning" but="but" by="by" calm="calm" can="can" coming="coming" did="did" earth="earth" fall="fall" few="few" for="for" god="god" had="had" has="has" have="have" he="he" here="here" him.="him." him="him" hits="hits" ho="ho" i="i" important="important" in="in" is="is" it="it" knees="knees" know="know" lately="lately" lies="lies" life="life" like="like" love="love" me="me" megs.="megs." more="more" my="my" of="of" on="on" one.="one." one="one" over...="over..." over="over" papa="papa" past="past" person="person" plaguing="plaguing" pleading="pleading" question="question" realize="realize" reason.="reason." satan="satan" saying="saying" see="see" sneakily="sneakily" some="some" span="span" storm.="storm." struggle="struggle" surrender="surrender" than="than" that="that" the="the" these="these" this="this" to="to" too...who="too...who" tsumani="tsumani" want="want" why="why" will.="will." will="will" worship="worship" worshiping="worshiping" wow="wow" years="years" yes="yes" you="you">
Here are a few:
1) I need a tangible person (guy) to fulfill my needs here on earth...just by simply having him to talk to. The others that have hurt you make you who you are and you will never find anyone better.
2) I am not pretty enough or deserving enough for someone as wonderful as the Lord has for me in the future.
3) God doesn't really care about me. I am just a pawn in this game of life.
4) I am not a good enough friend and will never be. No one truly cares about me.
5) Your gifts are no use to you because you will never succeed in using them.
6) All the promises the Lord has made will be broken.

My now realization that all of these are blatant lies that Satan has slyfully enticed me with. I used this illustration when I was talking to someone recently. Its like Satan is holding something in his hand and you dont know what it is so you walk toward him unaware of what is going to happen next. As you walk closer you can feel the emotions of life begin to set in of anger, jealousy, frustration, lust, etc. Soon they envelope you and dont even realize it. Its like a poison that you will slowly choke on. There are many things right now that I am struggling with. One of those things is anger and bitterness towards someone who has hurt me deeply. Every negative thing I have written on this page can be squashed by the simple reading and studying of THE WORD! Now all I have to do is begin to dive into what the Lord has for me. I have several important decisions to make in the days, weeks, and months to come. I must begin the process of removing the rocks and filling in the holes that are in my "garden." I must begin to prepare myself for the great things that Lord has for me and amazing love that I am going to fall into. =) Thank God for giving me revelation on all of these things and letting me realize that I need to focus solely on him. No man can satisfy the desire my heart has for the love of the Lord. NO MAN!

I love you all and hope that this helps someone who reads it. God Bless! Keep pressing in. Your beautiful and created for a purpose that God alone knows...in time with him he will begin to reveal it!

He chooses the Imperfect....

This morning I was cleaning my room and I fould a flaw in one of my pieces of furniture. I usually get quite upset when I notice things like that but I made the realization everything has some type of flaw, even me. God chose the imperfect me to be his vessel and to be used by him. I expect nothing from him if I cannot give everything. The awesome thing about realizing that he uses the imperfect is that I no longer have to fear that I must be perfect in his eyes. I screw up daily and sometimes its with things that I dont even realize...

We all must come to realization that he chooses to use us not because he has no one else. He loves us, the ones who lack everything without him. He provides for and we take advantage of it daily. We complain that we deserve this or this wasn't cooked right or I'm hungry or I really "need" this/that. Ha. Silly us! We have a house to sleep, a family that loves us, a chance to have a job or go to school (yes, both are a blessing from the Most High), clothing, plenty to eat, etc. <--- THESE ARE BLESSINGS! He provides for his people, all of them, lost or not. (my opinion) Those who believe in him get so much more! We get to truly walk out in the gifts he has given us and he chooses us to be used! I just cannot comprehend why he would choose me but he does and has regardless. Now I must walk in the power he has given me and follow the paths he has for me! Praise God!

He is giving me incite to things that seem so simple to understand...but do you really understand how worthy you are in his eyes? All he asks of us is to lay down our lives....sounds big doesn't it but it truly is insignificant when you think of the great gifts and true life you have after giving yourself to him. After you give your life to Christ, the biggest problem is giving him all. I know for a fact. Lately I have been struggling with giving some very big wounds to him, which Satan made me believe was part of me and made me who I am...LIE #1! Another thing was that Satan planted a fear in me that said I didn't want to let go....LIE #2! And then of course he continually lies to our human selves and many of us/all of us without realizing it fall into the traps...but we must do three things in order to be aware: 1. learn to discern between Satan and God's voice 2. dig into your Word (one of my daily struggles) 3. Pray that God will expose the lies that have already been told to you.

Wow! This morning I could write forever about how awesome our God is because he chose us! =D That brings me great joy to know that my God has amazing plans for me when I myself put my plans in a box...making no room for the miraculous. Now the box is gone and I am resting at his feet, waiting for fresh and new revelation!

Hope this helps someone! =) love you all! God Bless! SEEK HIM! He WILL USE YOU! Just be willing to SACRIFICE EVERYTHING!

At this moment I am supposed to be reading my book on Gender and Society for class but my mind is racing with millions of thoughts so I figured it was blog time...or at least a short bloglet.

Today has been an interesting and encouraging day. God is SO Good! Two amazing friends of mine called me to check in on me and see what God's up to in my life. Random. Perfect. Amazing. In this season I am growing a lot and learning what it means to be obedient and open my heart, eyes, ears, and mind to what He has for me. I cannot explain the words that have been spoken over me and that God has given me this past year. I sat down today and read all of them from the past year and they rocked my world.... God has constantly been reinforcing the same things in my life. There are several things he has made absolutely clear to me:

1. I am loved by my Daddy constantly and that will never cease.
2. He has placed a special joy and peace in me that he's going to use when I am ready.
3. I must sit at His feet and worship Him. Finding new and exciting things out about my Daddy.
4. I must surrender myself to him daily, letting him work through me, being obedient to his will.
5. He is slowly setting me ablaze with his holy fire so I need to wait and be patient.
6. I must stand my ground against Satan's attacks because they are going to be strong and hard.
7. All answers are in His Holy Word.
8. He is all powerful and His Spirit lives in me, giving me gifts and words for others.
9. It is absolutely necessary that I be in the presence of the Lord God Almighty daily...seeking new revelation, praising, and receiving his power.
10. HE IS GOOD and WILL NEVER FAIL ME!!!

These are not the only things God has shown and told me but they are essential in my walk with Him. God is willing to reveal himself to you. Like Matthew 7:7-8 says, "Keep on asking, and you will receive wat you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who ask, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." That is a very familiar Scripture to the majority of us Christians but really let it marinate in your spirit. Its not just a one time deal, its a daily deal. You cannot grow without asking, seeking, and knocking. It is essential that you do each of these things in every season of your life. Once God begins revealing the plans he has for you and you begin being obedient to him...begin to prepare for battle because when you begin gaining victories for God's Kingdom, Satan will do anything to make you stumble. Stand firm in God and on His Word.

That's all for now. Dig deep, fall in love, and find who you are in your Daddy.

Much LOVE.