Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Truth of Love (Letting Go)

I write this as a woman in a season of great transition. I cannot say for sure whether or not the decisions I am making are one hundred percent His will. This puts me in a sticky situation. Tonight I was watching an episode of my favorite girly TV show and I realized sometimes true love comes in the letting go. It comes in the moment when you must abandon yourself, losing all you thought you were in order to find who you truly are. 

This epiphany may not be new to some but to me it is oh so real. My heart aches knowing that I have missed the beauty of true love for so long. Throughout my life there have been hints here and there. There have been moments when my Papa has shown me His love in enormous ways. There have been moments when it is simple and pure. Last night the Lord revealed to me true love. He made me realize that no single person can make me whole. No person can “complete me.” (Remember that scene in Jerry McGuire). In the midst of rush of life when papers, presentations, and work consume my every day, I must take a moment and rest in True Love’s arms. All of this may seem cheesy to you but it is not to me. It is a lovely piece to the puzzle of my life.

Without much revealing, I will let you into the last few months of my life. I have been growing at a rapid pace in the Lord even when I seem to feel stagnant. The wisdom that I have received, the rest and peace I have needed are all around me now. I am at a point in my life where I am truly becoming the woman of God I have been created to be. I can honestly say it has not come easy and that one life situation in particular has accelerated it very much. Many of you have no idea what I am eluding to, while others read this with such knowledge. Regardless, my life is being transformed, tested, refined, restored, and renewed.

The LOVE of the Father never fails, is always faithful, is pure and true, runs deep, calls us closer, and cannot wait to embrace us. The reality is that God is always present in our lives, in the good and bad. Even in the midst of His judgement and correction, He loves. Oh the beauty of Him, the One who cleansed and purified me with His blood. 

The world has created a picture of love that is half truth. Some get it right, others do not. It is something you can fall in and out of, it is a lust, it is temporary, it is “romance,” it can fill in the blank. Read the paragraph before this one again. 

Doesn’t it make you redefine “true love.” True love is self-sacrificing, surrendered, pure, patient, enduring, and I could go on and on and on. Just look throughout Scripture at the beautiful love that is portrayed in the Prophets, the Gospels, or the books to the Church. 

Now is the time to step into a surrendered life. There is a song that continues to fill my mind, as well as, I Surrender All. It is the Will Reagan song, “Climb.” 

Lyrics: “I lean not on my own understanding, my life is in the hands of the Maker of Heaven./ I give it all to you God, trusting that You’ll make something beautiful out of me./I will climb this mountain with hands wide open...There’s nothing I hold on to.”

Rest in the fact that the Father wants all of you. He wants to know you, for you to “Abide” in Him. (John 15). Don’t wait. Do not let your desires overwhelm you. The desires of a human relationship, success, power, etc. Let His desires be yours. Let your life be His. I am learning this all just as you are/will. I cannot say I have it down, but I am beginning to see how perfect His love and will for my life is. Regardless of how I want things to happen, I must trust that the Lord in His righteousness will lead me on His perfect path for my life. 

I am no longer my own. I have become the Father’s. I have found myself. I can see my destiny. I am called and full of purpose. I leave all my failures at His throne. I turn away from evil things. I embrace His goodness. I seek His True and Unfailing LOVE.

By the way, I am not saying that certain things may not be desires placed in your heart by the Father. I am saying that we must trust in His will for our lives to know where He is leading. We must not hold on to anything...a person, a plan, family, a friendship, a job, a talent, a gifting, nothing. Be at peace knowing that the Lord is leading you. Be at peace knowing that if you set your eyes upon His glorious countenance, your (His) desires will be fulfilled.

Proverbs 3:1-6
    But let your heart keep my commands;
       2 For length of days and long life 
      And peace they will add to you. 
       3 Let not mercy and truth forsake you; 
      Bind them around your neck, 
      Write them on the tablet of your heart, 
       4 And so find favor and high esteem 
      In the sight of God and man. 
       5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, 
      And lean not on your own understanding; 
       6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, 
      And He shall direct your paths.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Be Thou Exalted

"O God, be thou exalted over my possessions. Nothing of earth's treasures shall seem dear unto me if only Thou art glorified in my life. Be Thou exalted over my friendships. I am determined that Thou shalt be above all, though I must stand deserted and alone in the midst of the earth. Be Thou exalted above my comforts. Though it men the loss of bodily comforts and the carrying of heavy crosses I shall keep my vow made this day before Thee. Be Thou exalted over my reputation. Make me ambitious to please Thee even if as a result I must sink into obscurity and my name be forgotten as a dream. Rise, O Lord, into Thy proper place of honor, above my ambitions, above my likes and dislikes, above my family, my health and even my life itself. Let me decrease that Though mayest increase, let me sink that Thou mayest rise above. Ride forth upon me as Thou didst ride into Jerusalem mounted upon the humble little beast, a colt, the foal of an ass, and let me hear the children cry to Thee, 'Hosanna in the highest.'"

This is a prayer written in Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer. I do not have anything to add to it for I believe we shall be men and women of Truth, if we understand that He is exalted above all else in our lives.

Meditate on this. 


Thursday, November 3, 2011

Focus not Fear.

The last month and a half has been one of a lot of subtle revelation that has just begin to settle in. I will begin with the fact that I have had two car wrecks. This may not seem important but it came with deep revelation. Both times I was not focused on the road ahead of me as I should have been. Yesterday my friend said that every time he sees my car or my kind of car, a Ford FOCUS, he is reminded of the necessary need to focus. With these things in mind, I will let you know where I have been in my walk with the Lord. It seems that there is a lot of distraction and worry that has come my way. All of these will be conquered of course.

I am what I would consider a control freak...not the way we would normally define it. I am in the sense of my relationship with God. All of my life I have controlled situations, circumstances to the best of my ability until I could not anymore, until I had to give it to God. I had nowhere else to turn to. Over the last two years, I have begun to realize how much I cannot do it on my own. I have realized that the Lord is my Strength, my Defender, my Help, my Counselor, my Father. These last two months have been of great exception. There has been particular situations in which I want to control, thinking that I am capable of handling this on my own. Ha.

That my friends is a lie.

All of these situations have made me realize that I have been controlled by the spirit of fear for such a long time. Fear is like a house of mirrors you would go to at the fair. All of the mirrors distort your vision, make you uncertain of how to walk through, and gives you a feeling of panic. This is how I view it at least. When fear has a control in your life, you do not focus like you should. You begin to make decisions for yourself without any counsel from the Lord. You begin to use defense mechanisms so people cannot get close to you, become an emotional mess, etc. This has been a huge part of my life over the last ten years. I would not recommend it to anyone.

I did not realize that fear was at the root until a beautiful woman of God in my life, Deena, called it out (this was in August). Ever since that day, the revelation that I have been driven by fear has become such a reality. It also has shown me how I've kept God at an arm's length. I would not have to overcome some of those deep issues within my heart in fear that if I did, I would lose myself and fear that He would hurt me in some way. All of these are lies. I understand that in my mind, but overcoming them has been a challenge. It will continue to be that way until I am willing to lay it all down.

Let me jump back into the true topic of dicussion: Focus. That word should dominate my life. Instead of focusing on the issues, the circumstances, the solutions, I should be focusing on my wonderful Father and Counselor. I am in need of setting my eyes upon His glorious face. I am in need of letting Him embrace me so I can hear His heartbeat. I want more of Him so much. Focus is the only way I can accomplish any of this.

I tell you of how I have lived, I speak of what I must do, in order for you to avoid these same issues. I encourage you to devote your whole life to God, the good and the bad. No matter what God will have your best interest in mind. He desires that you may have life and life abundantly. =) Just press into Him. Today is the beginning of a new way of life of me. A way of life where God is my focus and everything else will fall in line.

God, let us be men and women that have our eyes set on you. Men and women who do not worry for tomorrow, but are confident in today. Let us devote our lives to you wholly without hesitation. Let us be consumers of Your Word, seekers of Your heart, lovers of Your presence. Let us be lovers of prayer and warriors for your Kingdom. Let our goal not be the calling but a deep relationship with You. Let us not be self-seeking. Oh God! May we cry out in our secret place, removing the darkness for more of YOU! Amen.