Monday, June 29, 2009

Being Vulnerable...Sure Can Suck Sometimes

So my status at the moment is exactly how I feel right now.....

Meg Elizabeth has a lot on her mind...doesn't need to run but find the meaning in it. Ha it was so much easier when i was willing to run away.

Wasn't it so much easier when you were a kid or even a young teenager. Your problems were easier to hide from or even better run from. You didn't think they would affect you or you thought they didn't matter that much.

I was that kid that not only ran from but overanalyzed every problem that came my way. It was my way of dealing. So as you can guess drama followed me everywhere...i could leave the state and it would still come to get me. That being said a lot has changed. Drama is something that at all costs I could love to not have in my life. Also, I think that running is something I've done for to long. I have been told that and can now see how much I cannot express myself to some people. Most people its super easy for me because they are either my best friends or someone that needs some insight on life. Those people who I could possibly get hurt by or could possibly be one of the most important people in my life are the ones I have trouble opening up to....hmm..wonder why?

I either open myself up like a volcano or I shut up and cannot even tell them how I feel. Once I do I become vulnerable something none of us like being. Being vulnerable is like putting your shield down in battle...makes pain/hurt more certain. I guess its gonna be part of our lives whether we like it or not....ha.

I guess being stepped on plenty of times makes you wanna just step back and find a hole to hide in and let silence rule your life or you open yourself up in the wrong ways...thinking that that will bring security when really your doing the first.

I don't know what compelled me to write this except that I am going through the hurt after being vulnerable. God said it would be tough and I see that now. You have to go through that valley to get to that beautiful meadow. I think I must go through this whether I want to or not. I have to move past it and I have to embrace the fact I might have lost something very important to me.

Writing this blog lets me open a side of me that not many people get to see. The side where its not all I love to be joyful. I guess going through things in this world makes me wonder how people are okay with being human in this world. How do people think there is satisfaction in this world...destruction more like.

May I serve my God and only my God. The one who created everything around me and placed me where I am today. The one I must lean on at this very moment and the ONLY one that can heal the brokenness. Time does heal...I've discovered. I am better than I was a month or so ago but at the same time just as broken as before. Oh God please help me!

Much Love and God Bless!

Friday, June 26, 2009

Opportunities and Change

So I feel that I am finding new opportunities all over the place and loving it entirely too much. God is awesome and opening up some cool doors for me. These doors will definitely without a doubt stretch me further than I have been in a long while. These things are for sure gonna have to have some prayer time put into them to make sure that I am ready to take these new ventures on but I am excited either way.

This last month has been full of storms and times of confusion like I wrote in my last entry but there is always light at the end of the tunnel. I have really started to dig into what God has for me in every part of my life whether it be Him speaking to me, His Word, or just a friend speaking life into me.

So today gave me new perspective on how God changes things in an instant. One of my friend's had a change in their job and its amazing how He brings about really awesome things along...that's when you have to be ready for a change in your life. of the words most people don't like to hear or even think about. I am beginning to think that that fear of change is why many of us feel like we cannot succeed in life or even in we grow we we mature we change and become bolder in our relationship with God. We learn to stand our ground even when others are running. We learn that change brings about challenge and with that a strengthening in our relationship with God....

How the world turns...

Think about and answer three things...what opportunities is God placing in your life right now? Are you afraid of the change that comes with? Or are you ready to face the situation with God on your side?

That's all for now....Much LOVE and GOD BLESS!

Friday, June 19, 2009

Confused...and Patience.

So its been quite awhile since I have written on here. Partly because for once I couldn't think of a thing to say and the other reason is because I didn't feel like it.

Right now at this moment I am so messed up with what God is doing in my life I could not tell you up from down. This past week I realized how much Satan attacks those that are seeking after God. He uses the human desires and thoughts and persuades us to put them into action. Whether we do or not is up to us. A few weeks ago I was in a completely different place than I am now...which is good and bad. I have realized that I must without any doubt give everything to God. The song, "With Everything," rings so true for us but at the same time we fall short of it every single day. I was on my way home from Natasha's tonight and I was listening to and attempting to worship to that song...but then I stopped myself. I cannot sing something that at the moment is not true in my life. I have to put every piece of my life in front of God and surrender it to Him daily.

The world is gonna try and tell you and me that our human desires are worth losing ourselves for....that is a complete and told lie. I almost lost myself this last week. I almost did....that scares me. Last night at SlowBurn when Clint was speaking I was convicted and I felt like I needed to repent and to give everything to Him...I am still figuring out things in my life. Of course God doesn't just show you ever part of His plan for you but as you grow and seek Him, He will reveal it to you. I am having trouble dealing with that. How in the world am I supposed to do that...He has repeatedly told me to be patient and to seek Him. I listen but I must obey before He will open my eyes to the things unseen to me.

Also last night I felt led to do a devotional which I haven't done in a couple of months....kind of like this blog. It was exactly what I was about temptation...very fitting for what I am going through. I know we are all tempted daily but Satan can sure make those temporary things look appealing. What God has for me though is permanent and amazing!!!! I am realizing that I cannot learn to be patient but I must become patient as one of my friends put it so well.

I am basically am confused as to where I am going and only God can show me the way...I alone can do absolutely nothing!!!! With my Father in Heaven I will find a new way and I will be loving, joyful and patient....Hallelujah! Praise my Father, my God, and my Savior.

Oh God I pray that you will work in a mighty way in my life and the lives of my friends and family. That the temptations and lies that will come to take us down will only make us stronger and willing to seek you more and more every day. I pray that what I realized this week will settle in my heart and mind and I will set my mind on you...make that EVERYTHING!!!!
I love you my beautiful Father and I know that you are working on your time and not mine...I must become patient and seek your Word and your Truth. Amen.

God Bless and Much Love.