Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Journey Is Hard and God's Will is Perfect

God has called us to become part of His Cause. The cause started the day that Christ sacrificed himself to bring us salvation. We are called to life with a specific purpose. God has a vision that he places in our hearts but sometimes we are blinded by our own visions. I am slowly realizing that I cannot sit and focus on certain things that I want to fix. Every situation in my life is in God’s hands not my own. All I can do is pray about it and if it is His will then it will come to be. When I am in prayer I pray “your will be done,” because we do not know the true outcome that God has planned. Some people go through life believing in God and praying for things that their heart desires. They have a specific prayer and they do not want any other outcome. God tells us to knock and door will be open and to seek and we will find, but we have to realize that in the end it is what God has planned, His will that will take place. So, when you pray know it is in God’s time and will that things will happen. How joyful it makes me to think that I do not have worry because God has plans for me bigger than myself. W hen things I give to God have an outcome that I don’t expect I have learned to know that it is out of my hands.

This past month my life has been turned upside down. I want to listen to what I sit and write to all of you, but I seem to be blinded. I am not able to lay things down like I want to. I was talking to my friend and told him that I seem to lay things at God’s feet and then pick it back up….WHY? I ask that same question to myself every single time. There are things in the past month that I have laid down and I cannot imagine picking up again. Other things that are on going I sit and ponder over. I was told I need to RELAX!!! I don’t need to focus on what has happened because honestly in the end it doesn’t really matter. I am one of those people who over think every situation…I tear it apart until I can’t put it back to where I started. It’s like putting together a puzzle and missing a piece. Instead of figuring things out on my own, I need to seek God. I NEED TO SEEK GOD….wow.

These past two days I have been volunteering and attending Terra Nova, an amazing youth conference. I have realized how lost I am and how much I am lacking my relationship with God. I have so much to learn and such growth to make and I am holding myself back. I want to mature in Christ, which is a huge step. I want to take what I know and help those around me. These next five months especially I want to know that I will take the opportunity to change. I don’t want to become a different person just improve myself. Change is an amazing thing but we are so scared of it. Why? I don’t have a clue. I think we are so used to the COMFORTABLE that we cannot seem to grasp change. I am finding though it’s weird and somewhat hard, that change brings joy.

I am being broken in so many ways in my life right now…God is taking everything I know and testing me. He is taking all of my selfish thoughts and desires and tearing them down…recycling almost. He is making all of the human wants and making them into something He has planned for me. I am so ready for this time even though it is one of the hardest times I have experienced with God. I am being challenged and I had no idea that it would be this tough. I am spinning my wheels in some ways because I don’t know where God is going to place me in the next three years, who he has for me, and how much closer I will be to Him.

I pray that God will take this time to show me who I am to become and what I am to become. I am so excited for God to work in my life. In Jeremiah 29, everyone knows verses 11-14 because they are an encouragement, but the beginning of that chapter God talks about how they must go through a time in the desert and that is exactly what being broken seems like. I don’t think of it as separation from God like they experienced, but a time of peeling like an onion…=)

I pray that God blesses this next year and that every single person on fire for God will STAND UP for him and not be a lazy or scared Christian. Christ told us we would do greater things than he did…do you believe that? You should…It’s the truth!!!!!

Monday, December 15, 2008

A Good Smack in the Face

"You deserve a guy who absolutely loves you and desperately wants you, dont settle for someone who just likes you!" -A Close Friend.

"Love is what it is. There are no guidelines. I just don't want you taking someone who doesn't care about you as much as you do them."- A Close Friend.

This is the first time in my whole life that i felt that a friend knows exactly what to say. Six months no dating is a struggle when you like and care about someone and want to be with them. Then this is said to you and you second guess what's going on and realize that you are doing six months no dating to get away from exactly what you are throwing yourself into. I am so fortunate to have read those texts last night. They made me reevaluate what I am doing. I went into six months no dating so excited and it ended up being at this moment a "jail cell" to me.

I feel ridiculous for that way. This is my time to throw myself into my relationship with God and learn new things. Begin a journey all on my own not depending on pointless crushes that end up in heartache. GOD HAS THE PERFECT MAN FOR EVERY SINGLE GIRL! It might not be your best friend's idea of a perfect man but it will be yours. Your own PRINCE CHARMING! How happy that makes my heart.

Makes my heart break though when I think of all the time I have wasted on "boys" that wont last. Most girls go through life looking for their perfect guy, searching more like. We must be patient and wait for God to make that time happen. I mean mistakes should be made and things should happen so that you can grow. Hard times come so that you can persevere through them and figure out what to do.

I am so excited to dive into a relationship with God...HEAD FIRST!!! Praying, reading, worshipping continually, praising His name, and wanting to Fall in LOVE with him.

My advice to every single girl is to work on your relationship with your Heavenly Father and you will surely find the man that God has put here on this earth for you. Patience is key to all of this. And remember take chances with guys sometimes it wont kill you but you must not throw yourself fully into them. NEVER lose yourself and lose your relationship with God or friends for a guy. It is not worth it. It will never be. I have done it for the past few years and it just wears and tears on you. More heartbreak comes from it than anything. I promise you that. I just want you to know that God is with you and you have amazing friends around you that will tell you to not waste your time on him....they are usually right. Friends see the flaws we choose to look past...and sometimes we know those flaws but we choose to see past them. Flaws are in every person for sure but that doesn't mean that some of them are completely acceptable. Some are so huge its like a log in the middle of the road, others are like speed bumps. Choose your battles wisely...PRAY!

Good luck and trust in God.

Friday, December 12, 2008


Today I realized that I have to figure out what in the world I am going to do for the next six months of my life. I am having to change a lot of the way I think and what I want to do. Since its the Christmas season I am trying to focus on how to give back. I mean the season is not about presents, decorations, or food. It is about celebrating the birth of Christ and showing love to people all around you.

I have so much on my mind these days. I am trying to get ready to start a new year. Next semester is going to be busy and full of changes. Changes in my church, changes in my schedule of life, and changes in my happiness and relationships. I am so excited about this CHANGE! People are so afraid of change these days that its sad. I used to feel that way but I have realized that the same ole' same ole' is not worth it. To have change makes life more interesting and makes you realize what God has for you. The book I am reading right now, For This I Was Born, is really stumping me. I mean the book is not hard to understand...its just its making me want to focus on change and figure out were God is taking me. What vision He has placed in my life. I want to read it over and over again because I keep finding new things within the book. I am so ready for something new to happen. I have become a lot more happy in the last two weeks than I have been in a long time. Who knew a few changes like no focusing on guys, trying to figure out what's going on with my life, and reading books that challenge me.

=) Another day, another week, another month.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

A Day of Reflection.

So I have neglected to write the past few days due to business....

Today was a day of relaxation and I have had a lot of time to ponder on things. I have been trying so hard to find time to see where the heck my life is going. I honestly feel that I am losing myself in all the crazy stuff I do. Next semester I am packed with classes, work, and church. I have plans for every day of the week already except for Saturdays, which I can only imagine being busy as well. This holiday season is going by quickly but every second I can take for myself I am. I go go go all the time and don't take the time to really get into a relationship with God. This six months no dating thing seems to be my way out of a lot trouble. I am trying to let God take the reins which is harder than I thought.

I seem to find a guy I care about more than the others often. That is nothing that I should do. I was talking to a good friend the other day and he said that maybe I put myself in that position with guys because I am not able to have an active relationship with my father (been very ill since I was young). I told him that could be true except for the fact that I am closer to him than anyone else in my family. I go to him when I have a problem and hope he has a way to solve it. He has been a blessing to me as well as the rest of my family.

Something I have on my heart right now is finding a way to dig into the Junior Higher's lives at my church. At the junior high age a lot of influence is there. Those are the make or break years. They are the years where they kind of figure out where they are going in High school and who are going to become. I pray that every single kid in the junior high will be poured into and shown the Truth. They will know that it is not all about the fashion or who you are friends with but who THEY ARE and what they are ABOUT!

I pray that in this season lives are touched, people are changed, and the youth arise!!!!!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

"Sissy Church" and the Happiness Continues to Flow

Last night the youth pastor, Michael Alfred, at my church spoke about how our church has become safe. We do not take chances in our lives that could lead to sacrificing our lives for the cause of the Kingdom. How awesome would it be to give your life for God's cause. I mean it is scary but only because we have become comfortable with the safe and secure. We are supposed to be winning people for the Kingdom of God but we are not going out there and doing things about it. We are not living the full out life for Christ. I mean we build relationships with people but do we really take the chance to speak life into them.

I think he brought up a really good point last night with all of this. We think it is better to not change and to sit there and to a point become complacent. How retarded is that. We have been put on this Earth for a purpose which is to let God show us his vision for us and we live for His cause. Why not risk our lives for the God of the universe.

This sermon really did make me feel that this is my time in these months to come to work on figuring out what God has for me. We as humans live off of emotions and I think that is a great advantage to a point. If we did not have emotion then we would not be able to be passionate about what God has put in our hands for our lives. I think every single person in this world should stop and take a moment to really focus on what God has for their lives. Without this focus, people lose or miss what opportunities God puts right in front of them.

Personally, I want to do whatever it takes to further the Kingdom and grow in Christ. I want every true Christian to run towards the prize as Pauls says in the Scripture. Now that I think about it I don't even know the Scripture as well as I want to which is really awful because it is the book that brings strength, life, courage, hope, joy, peace, and love in our hearts. It gives the boldness to actually do something about our lives.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

The Beginning of Something Amazing!!

Yesterday was the beginning of six months no dating for me. This is something that most people in my life think I cannot accomplish because of strange attraction to boys…guess every girl feels that way one time or another. I decided to do this because I feel that now, at this very moment, is the time for me to seek God with all I have and grow in my relationships. I have never felt free from some of the vices that have become part of my life. I have struggled with the fact that God will show me the man I am to marry. I might not have worried about that too much, but I am very flirtatious and honestly that makes me sick. I know that flirting is not a bad thing but sometimes it seems that that’s all I do with guys…whether I mean to purposely or not.

I truly find this time in my life amazing. I am in college, starting to be leader in my youth group, figuring out what plans God has for my life and so on. I am reading the book, For This I Was Born, which is opening my eyes to my true purpose in life. I am seeing that I may have my own plans for my life but those might not be the plans God has for me. I am here for a purpose, which is to bring people to Christ and further His kingdom. I sometimes lose this cause as the book calls it and begin to look at what I want out of life. These next six months I pray that God will be able to work on my heart and open it up to what he has planned for me. I plan on keeping a daily journal of these next months.

The first day I must say was the hardest because I had to realize that I had to leave someone I care a lot about behind and our feelings. I mean I know nothing will ever come of it and that God has someone amazing out there for me. I have struggled for a long time with our friendship and I have decided to take a stand and get through it finally!

Today was not as bad because I am finding out how freeing it to change my focus! I am continuing to pray and hope that patience will come to me in this time!