Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Random Thoughts for sure...

Right now I am listening to "Hurricane" by Jimmy Needham. I feel like this song encompasses so much of what I want right now. I love it! "I need you like a hurricane. Thunder crashing wind and rain. To tear my walls down..I'm only yours now. I need you like a burning flame. A wildfire burn these walls down...I'm only yours now, I'm only yours now." I feel like that is exactly what I'm doing...building walls...which is in no way good.

I guess I'm just tired of getting burned. Tonight one of my closest friends, Bri, my friend's cousin, and I were sitting at Starbuck's and asking being.."What are five words that describe your life?" Hm...I thought. These are the five I chose...SILLY, INTERESTED, PROTECTIVE, JOYFUL, and HONEST...I really think that sums me up.

I have a lot of thoughts right now and I'm not sure how I am going to sum them all up.

I guess I can start with how that song I mentioned kind of cuts me to the core. Sometimes I feel like I don't give him everything and I give myself to other things. It kind of ties in with the book I'm reading at the moment...Crazy Love. Its a challenging book and I have almost quit because its been messing me up. I think I might just have to start over. Its crazy how words on a page can change your perspective and challenge you. The book calls you out on things cannot even that I think about it..I'm gonna go read...maybe then I can put a complete thought together.

Monday, July 13, 2009

I'm my own Worst Enemy!

So this past week I went to Gulf Shores and just let me tell you that God was there. He showed up everywhere especially at night when Lindsey and I walked on the beach. I can feel His presence but at the same time I feel so far away from Him. I feel like somehow I am running from Him and the things He has for.

Last night God spoke to me and said that there are going to be challenges ahead and that I need to lean on Him because He has everything I need. How true is that? But why in the world don't I receive that sometimes. I was talking to Lindsey last night and I realized how much I make myself unhappy a lot of times. I purposely put myself in a bad mood...I feel like I shouldn't be happy....what gives me the right to be happy?....who gives me the right? Of course the answer is God, my Father and Savior. I cannot figure out why at this point in my walk I am struggling so much.

There is one person and situation in my life that I seem to be holding onto. I am letting the pain get to me and letting it rule my life. I am letting one small problem rule my world...why? Because if I let go of the pain I will possibly lose that friendship just doesn't seem fair. God told me that this situation would be hard for me but He just didn't say how hard.

I feel like I am going nowhere in my walk with God right now...that I have just stopped...not because I am content but because I don't know if I have the strength too. Taylor's cousin asked why its so hard for me to talk about it...I can't put my finger on it but for some reason to write it down on this page seems easier.

Have you ever felt like you were being crushed by yourself...that you aren't willing to let go and watch God work in your life? Why can't I do it on my own? What will happen if I try to? I know the answers to all of those I believe them or is it just knowledge.

So here's what God told me exactly..."Do not fear for I am the Lord! You saw my beauty all around you this last week. Challenge is ahead of you, it may seem impossible at the moment to think that you can get through and your right.....I see what's ahead for you and you must seek me. Its scary to lean completely on something unseen...but isn't it even greater that you can...because your Father will be holding your hand...."

To see that and hear it is comforting but to internalize it is hard right now. I think I have put my guard up to everything in my life except for a few people who God has led me to know and trust and confide in. I think that tonight should be an opportunity for me to reflect on what God has been saying in my life and sit and listen to Him. Read His Word and Meditate...worship Him...and like he told me DON'T WORRY!!!!!!!!!

Much love and God Bless....I'm praying that you may get through anything in your life that is hindering your walk with God...and that you seek Him daily.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Don't Worry, Be Joyful!

So the last two days I've realized that worrying is completely pointless. The Scriptures even say that. Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Do not worry about anything but pray about everything...." For some reason I forgot that. That verse got me through my first two semesters of college and then all of sudden it became foreign to me. Silly me! All the things I have been dealing with and worrying about are problems that I should pray about and leave in His hands alone.

Why in the world should I try anything on my own or even try to figure out where my life is going by myself? I have the Creator of the Universe and My Father to help me with that. That is very comforting to me. I just have to remember that every day. Pray to God to remind me to not worry. Several people brought to my attention that the problems and things in my life that are bothering me right now are going to be insignificant..and honestly I am insignificant or at least I should be in God's eyes. I and the rest of the human race are screw-ups. We make wrong decisions every day but God brought us one of the greatest gifts by Jesus Christ coming to the earth and sacrificing himself...Grace and Mercy. Beautiful things.

So now I guess its my ability to lay down the things that are getting to me. Also, its my decision whether to be selfish or not. Lately that's what I've wanted to be...selfish. Why in the world should I be patient and willing to let God work when I want this and that. Ha....DUH MEGAN...He knows you better than you know yourself and He has bigger and better plans for you than you can even comprehend. You just have to be willing to dream big enough and have faith that He will bring you through....

I have now shared my revelation which I am sure I will have more than once in my life because worrying is one of my worst enemies in life...that and wanting what I know I don't need.

I don't know if this is going to help anyone but it sure is amazing to me how awesome God is....He shows/tells you exactly what He wants you to know whether you are willing to listen or not. He gave me a few people who kept saying the same thing over and over and I found a letter that someone wrote me a long time telling me not to worry but God's got it.

Ha.....just think...God knows what yours issues are...don't let them get you down...give them to God and know that He'll give you a solution, know that He loves you, and read James 1....the reoccurring scripture in my life.

God Bless and Much Love to you! Also, Happy Fourth!