To Step Out in FAITH

Last night at Sunday PM, Bill Spencer was speaking on Luke 7. He was speaking about verses 12-17 where the young boy is raised from the dead. Bill Spencer is one of those teachers who wants to know the responses and thoughts of his audience. We all clapped and a couple of little shouts happened when he asked how amazing we felt that was. He was extremely unimpressed with how unable we were to understand the magnificence of this act. A guy in the front row screamed loudly and pointed out how astounded we should be.

I began thinking about this scenario and how unimpressed we are as a church at the miracles of Jesus. The majority of the church looks at them like a story, like something that has just happened, not the magnificent, wondrous things that they are. We should be in awe at the life of Jesus. Just think about what we have been called to. We are told in the Word that we will do greater things than Christ himself. He has called us to greater. He has called us to stand strong with boldness and courage. Think of the magnitude God has called us to. We are to have the power of the Holy Spirit and walk as Jesus walked. Live in the Presence of the Living God and find joy in Him. How amazed would you be if you prayed for someone to come back to life and they did! I would freak out because all it took was for me to step out in faith and trust that God does all things! My mind is blown away at the power of God. If he can create an entire universe then he can heal the sick, make the lame to walk, raise from the dead, and set free the captives.

Here is a little piece of my life to you. I have had many issues trusting God's plan for me and struggled with unbelief. The other night I got together with my friend, Lez, and we began to talk about my life and what's been going on. He told me there will always be a battle between faith and unbelief, so I must take a step of faith and trust the Lord (that means giving my whole life to him, no exceptions, which he has called all of us to). If I trust the Lord and the plans he has for my life then surely I will be able to walk in the power I described early and the power described in the Word of God. If I live my life actively abandoning myself to the Lord, allowing him to be my Father, my Guide, my Strength, then I will be able to walk in his power and be used for the works of His Kingdom.

Last night Bill Spencer made an altar call for any of us who wanted to fully and finally commit ourselves fully to the Lord. At that moment, I was completely enamoured by the Lord and his beautiful presence. My heart began to pound in my chest and I knew he was telling me to walk up there, so I did. I began to pray to the Lord and cry out. All of a sudden the warmth of the Holy Spirit filled me and I couldn't even move. I was lost in his presence. I was at a loss for words, so I just stood in his presence, waiting for him to speak to me. Oh goodness, did he ever speak to me! I have struggled with giving my whole self to him. Allowing him to take my heart and protect it because I am scared of the consequences. Well in that precious moment with him last night, I let him take it all. I allowed my Papa to take everything I have and renew me. He filled me like never before and now I have such a peace over my life and its beautiful. I know he is here and will always be. Of course, I am not perfect and am still a broken person, but I believe with everything in me that if I sit in his presence every single day that I will find freedom, restoration and wholeness in my life. I must seek him and his love in order to find myself. I cannot expect to go to church and to bible study once or twice a week and be able to find who I am in Christ and have a deep glorious relationship with him. I must be willing to sacrifice my life to seek Him in all OF HIS GLORY!

I hope this was encouraging for someone. I hope and pray that you will find the courage to step out in faith and to find yourself in our God. I love you all dearly.

Are you Consumed? Are you pouring out?

Something I wrote last night at Bible Study:

Being in desparate abandon is something that creates such deep intimacy and love with the Lord that it pours out and touches everything we see, do, create, speak, and live. Our hearts are to be filled with the wonder and amazement of His love. We are to want nothing of ourselves.

We cannot be satisfied with the usual, normal way of life. Being consumed, filled, and ready to be a holy vessel of the Lord is the only way of life. Even in the midst of our brokenness, times of self-doubt, fear, disappointment, hurt, and life issues, holes (once filled with/by the world), God has a place and he will heal it all. Remember, he has the victory. He wants to lead us into a time where our radical abandon is NORMAL. That his glory is revealed and fills the earth.

We must take ourselves, our minds, our of a place of self but to a place of Him. That everything we do, say, speak, etc. is filled with Him. We are not perfect because we are human and broken by the plots of Satan. Yet he chose us to be His Children, his sons and daughters, to love and be called to change the world. We must be completely lost in Him, not knowing what the next step is until he opens our eyes, heart, mind, and spirit to the place he has for us.



Now that I have finished that and it might not all make sense but my mind rushes things. Anyways, I just want you all to think about where you are in your relationship with God. Are you in a place where you are completely consumed by his presence, you want to worship with him continually? Or are you in place where you are struggling to be close to him?



Here is a quote from a book I am reading: "As wildly as he offers himself to us, so should we offer ourselves to him, no longer living in the risk-free distance of all of our assumptions, but close and personal, so we can see just how good and gerenous this King truly is." -Jarrett Stevens


We are to be consumed by His holy presence every single moment of our lives. Of course, we all fall short, but that is where we must remember that God has the victory! =) We are forgiven and grace has saved us. After we believe this and begin to become completely enamoured by our Papa, then the love, healing, restoration, joy, peace, freedom and life-giving things will pour out from us with every breath we take.


Right now, in this day, there are many of us who are ready to step up and change our cities, our nation, and the world by the transforming power of Christ. In order for God to move, we have to know him so intimately that people's lives are changed by everyday interactions with us. That seeds are continually planted and freedom reigns over all the earth. This is what we want. We want and need for the power of our God to pour out over everyone and everything. The Holy Spirit is in us. That means wherever we go and whatever we do, we are carrying the Spirit with us, Christ, the Holy One. Doesn't that excite you?!?!?!?!? I really think so.


Anyways, I am done with all my thoughts. Think about what I am saying and see if that applies to your life. I love you all and hope that some of this makes sense.

Divide and Conquer

The Word of God says that "The thief comes only to kill, steal, and destroy." John 10:10. This is a very true statement and we must take notice that he does not only plan to take away your personal life but also the life of the body. The best way for the enemy to destroy the body is to divide us and take away the unity of the body. He will do anything to take away our support system and strength.

This past year I have had a lot of friend troubles. Some of them of course are due to the lack of taking care and tending to the relationship and the other issues came from little seeds of doubt and distrust that the enemy had planted in my mind and the mind of my friends. The body of Christ has to see that we are trying to be divided. We must see that gossip, lies, slander, anger, frustration, hatred, and many other things are bringing division to the body of Christ. That is exactly what Satan wants. He wants take away the unity so that the body is not functioning properly. Remember what 1 Corinthians 12:12 says, "The body is a unit, though it is made of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ." We must come together as a body of believers unified and able to seek God in all situations, including those to do with issues of the body.

Another thing that Satan can do is trick you into pushing everyone away and thinking that being alone is a better alternative that all of the stuff I listed above. Here is what I have experienced:

To be honest with you, a few months ago I began isolating myself because I began to not trust the people in my life. Of course, there were a couple of people in my life that I continued to lean on but I got to a point where I wanted to be completely alone. Do you see what happened? I had no idea until my eyes became open to what was going on behind the scenes. Satan was separating me from the body of believers that I had come to love and trust dearly. I began to believe that no one really cared for me and that those that did just felt sorry for me. Wow you say? How in the world did you get there? Well, I got there because I believed the lie that no one could be trusted and that no one cared for me. Then it grew into a bigger lie that God was the same way. I began to shut down in a tremendous way and became numb of all feelings I had. After I came back from England and seeing the lack of strength in the body there, my heart began to wonder if I had made a wise decision. Whether being alone was really making everything better. Well let me tell you that it did not make things better. It made me doubt that God was really there and that loving people existed. The enemy wanted to get me alone so that he could destroy any hope for the good, any trust, any love, etc. He wanted me to lose all want or emotion too.

With all that said, Satan wants the body of Christ to be broken. He wants you to be broken. The biggest thing for you to remember is that through God our Father WE HAVE THE VICTORY! We must stand together as a body and strengthen and encourage one another. We must be able to stand unified, believing in the one who made us.

To leave you with a song that has been stuck in my head for the last month:
"You are stronger, You are stronger. Sin is broken, you have saved me. It is written, Christ is risen. Jesus, you are Lord of all." I know that may not seem relevant to this blog but it is. God is stronger than any power or any man on earth. He is bigger than anything, therefore, if we believe with everything we have that he is stronger then division will no longer have a place. We will see clearly that Satan is trying to divide the body and will stand against it in the name of the Lord. He will unify and strengthen the body and any attack from the enemy will be realized and taken care of because we have the eyes of the one who has saved us. He has the victory!

To truly Worship

I began to think about what worship truly is to us. If I could define worship it would be passionately pursuing the one who has called me to do great things in pure abandon. Last night I was talking with my friend Carlos and realized that all it takes for me to worship is to open my arms wide and tell the Lord, "I'm Yours." Just abandoning yourself with true passion for the Lord is worship.

A big problem that I have been facing for quite some time is that I am not good enough to lead or be part of worship. For some reason, I have had the mindset that I am second best and someone else is more qualified than me. When I was at Summer Jubilee I had to face this head on. A good acquaintance of mine came up to me and spoke honestly to me about something I needed to work on when I help lead worship. It was something that I have always worried and been self conscious about but not even one of my friends could tell me to my face. Now that I know one of my problems I can overcome it and grow from it.

When you have the mentality that you are not good enough you begin to think that everything is a competition. Not only did I do that, I had some very deep wounds of hurt that I hadn't released to the Lord. As of Wednesday night at Summer Jubilee, I am free from that pain. To some people it came off that I was competing because I thought I was better but it was all out of my feelings of inferiority. I can now claim that God has the victory and that the enemy has no place. I know this does not seem relevant to what I began talking about but it is these two things that hindered me from truly worshipping my Daddy. =)

Back to what I was saying in the beginning. I feel that we must get into the mindset where every time we meet with the Lord, whether alone at home or in car or in a group worship setting, we must release ourselves completely to the Lord. Of course, the wounds and issues I wrote about above are just two of the many things I have to gain victory in in my life but it is a start. Now I can go into worship and sit at His feet, onstage or off, and feel complete. I can seek Him and not feel like I am any less than another person. My passion is there and always has been but there was something that was keeping it from being truly genuine and pure. Now I can look Satan in the face and tell him he has lost the battle and that he has no place in my time with the Lord.

This is all to say. Figure out if there is something keeping you from worshipping the Lord in full abandon and with your whole heart. Begin to inquire the Lord about it and figure out what you need to do. At the end of the day the Lord is always there ready and willing to spend time with you, but you must know it is your decision whether to live in that mindset. To know that He is the One True God. To know that no one else can fill the holes that are gaping in your heart.

Also, I want you to begin to see how important it is to spend time with the Lord. When you spend time in worship to the Lord with no motives or plans of your own, he will begin to work in you. One of the biggest things you must remember is go into worship with a pure heart. Spend time in prayer preparing yourself to be able to have an open mind, heart, ears, and spirit. He wants all of you. When you begin the process of truly giving that to him and falling deeply in love with your Papa, then you will begin to see big changes. The enemy will try to stop you from making progress, so you must be ready to stop the enemy in his tracks and spend even more time with the Lord.

Spend some time in prayer to the Lord daily and seek Him not only in musical worship but also in His Word. =) I hope this can inspire at least one person. Love you all very much and God Bless.

Destiny or Dysfunction?

Over the past several months Clint has spoken sermons over these two things and as he has I have received more and more revelation from the Lord about them. If you wanted find a good way of describing the opposite of destiny it would be dysfunction and vice versa.



These two words are the theme of the season I am going through. You, I and everyone else pursuing the Lord must make a decision whether to live in a life of dysfunction or live a life full of destiny. The revelations that the Lord has given me about destiny and dysfunction is ridiculous because it does not only concern me but every single person in the body of Christ. Here are some pieces of this revelation. The first thing the Lord revealed to me was that I was living in dysfunction. The reason I did not know I was or that people in general do not know they are living in dysfunction is that it becomes our normal. It becomes our everyday way of doing things or our mindsets. I have been living in dysfunction with my family and friends and have been completely content. Something I began to realize though is once you see the dysfunction it becomes more and more clear how unfulfilling it is. You can live your whole life and not realize that something you were taught was wrong and brought you down just a little bit. The more dysfunction you have the less able you are to put your complete focus on the Lord. I know this from personal experience. For example, in my life I am plagued with dysfunctions of control, lack of independence, and how family relationships are supposed to work. I have grown up thinking that my parents having control of my life is okay until I got a reality check and realized that not even I am in control of my own life but its the Lord's.



Now that I have prefaced what true dysfunction is I want you to understand how important destiny is. Your destiny is God given and purposeful. The Lord created you for a very specific purpose on this earth. Each and everyone of us is a piece of the puzzle and part of the body of Christ. Our destiny in the Lord is great and sufficient. It is without doubt or fear because his purposes for us are GOOD because he himself is GOOD. We are individually called out by the Lord to give our lives that we may live out the desires of our heart. Those desires are part of your destiny and will be but a piece of your destiny. Your calling and purpose are the things we must run towards.

Which one at the end of the day are you going to choose? Will you live in a life where the lies you have been taught are part of being normal are okay or are you going to live your life in the love of the Lord, following his purpose for your life?

NOW is the time to seek the Lord and for him to reveal the dysfunction and ask him how to deal with it. I can honestly say I am continually finding more and more things that are part of dysfunction and asking him to free me from it and find the heavenly mindset. I, as well as you, must seek the Lord in what our destiny is. What is our purpose on this earth? How will we help the Lord in revealing His KINGDOM!

Pray for revelation and seek the Lord with everything that you are! You think you know who you are at this moment but you have no idea. The Lord knows and he wants you to see the amazing person you are in him and the amazing plans he has for your life.

Remember first and foremost..."Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength." -Matt. 22:37

Brokenness into Victory.

I just wanted to write a bit of an encouraging word to everyone out there who thinks that things can't get any better. I am writing to those who are hurting or lost, feel completely broken, and are trying to do it all by themselves. I have one thing to say to you, you can't do this on your own.

For the past three or four months I have been living in this funk, in this place where the only solution was God and I had not even one good excuse as to why I was not giving it all to him. I have written before about some of the heartbreak and issues that I have been dealing with over these past few months but now I can tell you I can see the light. Victory is here and no one can stop it. This last Thursday I finally got back to SlowBurn after my month long time away...felt like a lot longer. Anyways, several people could tell something was off and I was tired of hiding the tears so I let them out. During service I could hardly concentrate because I could feel the freedom and the pain fighting each other. The good thing about God is he is bigger than all of the pain and suffering any person is dealing with. He is bigger than our selfish struggle to be in control of our lives. My mentor Jodi prayed for me after service and I could feel a literal weight off my shoulders. It was insane! There are a lot of other things that I have to deal with but now that I have taken the step to surrender to the Lord everything is starting to become clear.

Clint was talking about being a river dweller, which is the equivalent to being completely encapsulated in the Holy Spirit, being utterly in love with the Lord. Wow! That is not something that gets taught a lot these days. No many people talk about what power the Lord has. Many people today are worshipping a powerless God built on legalities and rules. My friends that is not the God of Jacob. The God of the Bible was mighty and powerful, peaceful and loving, jealous and strong. The God of this age is small and meak with on means of helping us succeed. He brings pain and sickness in order to make us stronger. He is lacking power and the ability to speak to us. That is not the true God. That is the God that the world has tricked many of us into believing.

MY GOD is...
living.
powerful, mighty and true.
just.
everywhere.
loving and kind.
always here and never forsaking.

MY GOD wants...
me to succeed and dream big because he is a BIG GOD.
me to find rest in him at all times.
love him deeply and be romanced by him.
everything.

Does the God you serve have the power of the Holy Spirit or is lacking in that department? Does the God you serve have the qualities that my God has?

There is only one God living and that is the God written about in the Word. The one who is the Word. Who is Truth. Who brought his son to die so that we may live a life full of grace and mercy. A life that is full of beauty and love because his love overflows out of our hearts and mouths as we seek him.

Satan has been tricking me over these months into believing that the Lord in not truth and he is not going to be able to take the pain and hurt away. He has also been setting me up for the belief that I should trust no one especially God. How crazy is it that I was falling for it until I went to England. I got there and had an amazing time and figured out a lot about where I have been at lately. Part of me has wanted to press in and be with the Lord while the other half wanted to get away from everything and everyone and do my own thing. My own thing obviously wasn't that successful and began to wear me down. Guys, living in sin, shame, condemnation, guilt, pain, hurt, frustration, anger, fear, etc. is not worth it...trust me. Those things continue to wear down your mind and bring you to a place of true despair which is not good. I am a living testimony of how God can move in two days. On Tuesday I was out with my friend Nina and I was telling her how I felt trapt in a sea of pain and hurt. Then on Thursday once I stepped back into the presence of God, the presence of the my Papa with whom I have left hanging the past month, I felt the freedom and peace that I could have. I felt the rest I could. It was wonderful to worship my Papa and be loved on by him. If you haven't taken time to just rest in him please do. I am telling you right now you will feel refreshed and brand new. Talk to him about what's going on in your life even though he already knows because he is a good listener. And if you're willing he will answer you. But if you're patient and rest in him, he will give you answers to questions you haven't even asked.

So this definitely turned out to be longer than I thought it would be but no apologies because this is my heart. This is where I am at and what's going on in my life. I hope you guys have received something from it and that love is overflowing out of each letter I type.

Love you all.

Willing to give it ALL

I have discovered that we are creatures of habit. Good, bad, and ugly. As we grow, we begin to discover the dysfunction we have been living in, see the lies for what they are, and find ourselves bought with a price for a purpose. I am at a point in my walk where I am challenging everything and beginning to wonder if what I know and believe is true. Lately, I have become very content in my walk which is problem number one. The bigger problem is that there is something that is keeping me from going, something hindering me from wanting to press through. The tools I have learned over the years to use in the midst of trials have become very unappealing to me. The Word which is the lamp unto my feet, prayer, and worship have become second to myself.
Last night I was talking to my friend on the phone and I realized that my thought at this time in life is, "I just want to be alone." The reasons for wanting to be alone are things that I should have long ago conquered. I am a very trusting person and love people with all that I can. In the past four or five months though trying to balance these friendships has become uninteresting to me. I don't want to try at anything anymore. I have become complacent and willing to stay here. The main reason is because I have been hurt once again because of my willingness to open my heart and trust. I am tired of being stepped on and for some reason I have began to hear and receive the lies that God will do the same. Of course I know that is a lie.

Now that I have giving a prelude to what I really wanted to write about here I go...

I have a question for you all....Have you given it all? Have you given everything to God? Or are you still holding on to pieces of your past that have caused pain, worry, stress, uncertainty, and distrust?
That's me. There is a part of me that won't let go. If that's you...you need to let go. To feel the freedom of a new day. A new life. I want to be able to let go of all these things to experience what life could be like. I am beginning to see that this is battle that has been raging for years within me and now is the test. Can I let go? Something I wonder about people is why they choose to become bitter, lost, and confused instead of finding forgiveness, a new perspective, and peace. Hm...I cannot even begin to comprehend living a life full of death. Full of destruction.
Again, I look at myself and see there are parts of me that are dying and they are keeping me from continuing on the path the Lord has for me. I want you to sit and seek the Lord to see what death you have inside of you. Do not become someone willing to be alone like I am right now. I want more but the question I am asking myself is, "Am I willing to let go in order to find peace and prosper?" The answer to that question is simple but my heart and mind are battling each other. One says, "Get rid of this filth," while the other is saying, "Keep it. It will just make you stronger." Now I must choose to follow one or the other. One will lead to rest, peace,and a new perspective and the other will lead to death and destruction.

Seek God at all times. Do not be scared but find boldness. I am looking for it right now. Seeking it out. I pray that the Lord works on your hearts and you find a new freedom.

One last question... Are you willing to give it All? Regardless of the effects, of the pain to get to the peace, and of the emptiness that will be filled with love?

Love you all very much.