I am feeling ______. I am in one of those times where I have no idea what is going on. I am lost without reason wanting to find a solution. Knowing the solution is the strangest part because even if you follow through you feel like you've accomplished nothing. Prayer is my answer. Simple right...knowing what to ask for is the hardest part. I guess I need not ask...but seek and be still. "Be still and know I am God." -Psalm 46:10. That has come up in my life several times lately and I need to listen. Stop. Be still. Those last two sentences seem unknowingly impossible. I don't often stop but I am becoming more willing now that I must lean on God constantly. Its not like I shouldn't always do that but understanding that I must is something I just realized a few months ago. Even though I understand that, I let myself get in the way of that.
I use my emotions as an outlet like a kid screaming for help in the middle of a busy crowd. No one can hear him though there are so many people around. Not a good way to communicate especially when it is hurting those around you. When you have no clue whats going on but you know something is wrong...how can you tell someone? I guess you can't but thats no excuse for hurting those closest to without reason. Sometimes all you can do is apologize but it doesn't change anything...you screwed up...BUT you can't beat yourself up about it and you sure can't hold on to it.
I guess right now all I can do is fall on my face and pray to my Daddy and seek help and comfort. Maybe just maybe no...he certainly will carry me if he needs to.
It feels so nice to get these things out of my head instead of just stewing about it all. Thanks for listening.
Love you all so much and I hope God is blessing you and teaching you things daily =)
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