A Victim Broken in Sin

False emotions

Lustful thoughts

Violent action of the mind.

Like a caged an animal trapped in a reality all her own.

Not knowing when her next fix will come

And who her next victim will be.

Without a thought she strikes again

Thinking the healing will begin.

She knows not that it's all a numbing agent,

Only making the darkness ensnare her evermore.

She holds her head high seeming confident and strong

But is a broken creature underneath composed of guilt, shame, pain, and hurt.

Only she knows the heaviness of her soul,

A product of being played with like a ragdoll or used like someone's favorite drug.

She can taste freedom amid the numbing but lacks the voice to want it.

Trapped in silence and chaos, this girl just wants to be heard

All the years of misuse of mind, heart, and body will be heard.

Be heard so she may leap off of this cliff of freedom she so desperately needs.

Is anyone there to help besides good ole' Jack and the random stranger?

"Yes!," says a voice in her ear like the whisper of the wind.

It is the Father of the universe and her life.

Will she ask who or just understand in her soul it is her true lover.

That only he can spread light into the darkness of her soul and heal this broken girl.

He continues to call and as she hears, the enemy grows ever near,

Telling her she deserves it all and that life means nothing at all.

She holds on to the gleaming hope that she may overcome.

The fear.

The pain.

The darkness.

Be Bold or Lose Heart

There is path to freedom that seems all to easy at the start, yet the journey is harder than anyone plans. We must know that the journey to freedom allows us to become the man or woman the Lord has for us. There is a song that has becomeo a cry to me, "No other name has overcome. No other name. No other King has conquered all. No other name. We won't be silent anymore, anymore. We won't be quiet anymore, anymore."

I have to say that that song has brought a new boldness in me to speak out the name of Christ and continually seek freedom. There are many days when I lose sight of that place of seeking and I fall back into fear of man and shame. The things that I have gone through might not seem like a kind of hell in the physical realm but in the mind they truly are. The pain and hurt I have experienced during my life has shaped me to the person I am today. Someone who has been unwilling to let Christ light up the dark places in my life and heal, but a person who has allowed the darkness to reign over me like a thick cloud of impending doom.

There are times when it seems like there is no end in sight and that I will never win the battle. In those times I revert to my old ways of numbing the pain through finding love in a worldly way and alcohol. Of course, I can say there has never been a time when alcohol has been a crutch in a need, but it has been a place where I can forget my worries from time to time. Something I came to realize last night at Bible Study is that I have been on this "precipice of freedom" for a long time with many of the issues I have been dealing with but haven't been bold enough to stand up, speak out, and be wililng to step off the edge. I was talking to my friend Jenn in the midst of my spirit being very broken and troubled by some life events that have brought to surface a piece of my life I have not even begun tread on. At that moment, I realized that I must be willing to have courage to walk in victory.

Here is a revelation I had yesterday also, "You have victory over the circumstances in your life, but you must be willing to walk in it."

WOW! That was like getting an atomic bomb to me. I already have the victory, I must choose to walk in it and overcome the darkness in my life by walking into the light with my God, my Father. There are not words to describe the healing that is going to take place these next few weeks and the pain I am going to deal with and take care of with the help of my friends and my lover.

I just want to encourage you all that victory and freedom are in your midst, you have a choice: Do you keep living in this mediocre world of pain and brokenness or do you stand up, speak out, and take that leap of faith? I can say for myself only that I have for others but lack it for myself many a time. Its almost like I am punishing myself for choices and decisions I have made, thinking that I am not worth God's time to heal because I am not. That my friends is called shame...something else I must overcome with His help alone.

I am at the beginning of my journey and it has been a wild ride so far these last several years. I have encountered God in so many ways and He has opened up my heart that I may be able to receive His healing love. He has brought light to much darkness and is continuing to do so, as well as, restoring my broken places.

Something else has been on my mind since our discussion at Bible Study and it is the concept of Luke 6:46-49 which says, "⁴⁶ “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? ⁴⁷ As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like. ⁴⁸ They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. ⁴⁹ But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.”

This is the story of the wise and foolish builders and it is much the path we must choose to walk. Will be dig a deep foundation where inquities pass away as it becomes solid, or do we try and live a life without depth that does not deal with our issues. I know this might sound obsurd to some, but I want you to see what I am saying. I am someone who is working hard to dig a deep foundation built on the solid rock foundation of Christ. Think the solidity of rock and the shiftiness of sand. If I choose to live a life where I am not digging a rock solid foundation then when the storms come I will be shaken and knocked down. My friend Lauren has told me many times, "I want you to be so solid and founded that you won't be shaken when the little things come." Hmm..when this Scripture came into discussion, I realized that what she has told me a time or two is exactly this story. She wants me to be solid and firm,while right now I am shaky because my foundation is still being dug. I told Jenn last night that I feel like I having to dig mine with a toothpick, which I may add is almost impossible with rock and would take a very long time. Now it is time to tie in the beginning of my blog which is the seeking of freedom and walking in victory. The more you do these things, the more I do these things, the deeper I foundation will become and the closer to the Rock we will be.

With all of this in mind, think about your walk, the path you have chosen and whether you want a deep foundation full of goodness or a foundation that can be shaken. Pray about it.

A Lamp Hidden or Standing Tall?

Imagine yourself in a moment where everything stops and becomes utterly still. The universe is in awe of the beautiful power of God. You look up to the heavens after living years on this earth and fine it average that millions of stars are gleaming in the midst of a dark night. That the moon is glowing brightly to bring light to an otherwise dismal evening. Its powerful rays give the ability to view the ground at our feet, yet we are no awestruck by this lone beaming object in the sky. Why? Because we have become so used to the simple yet mecessary gifts he has given us. We see no wonder though we should be in awe praising His name and thanking Him for His goodness to us. =)

Now think about this: What would a night be without the bright stars and the gleaming moon? Compare yourself with the moonlit night and how necessary we are for God's plan. How our lives should leave imprints in others' lives. We are called to be a light in the darkness, the moon amid a dark night. In Matthew 5:14, Jesus says, "You are the light of the world --- like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden..." which should prompt a thought here...am I being the light of Christ?

He continues in verse 15 of this chapter describing how one does not light a lamp and hide it under a basket but places it on a stand where it gives light to everyone. This should strike a cord with you. It should hit you like a ton of bricks. Today it has become so common that we as Christ followers are content with where we are at and are not bold as lions. We "hide our lamps" instead of shining them brightly for all to see in fear that if we "place them on a stand" others would react negatively toward us. We are not called into a life with Christ to be fearful, disobedient lovers but instead, we are called to be faithful, obedient, courageous lovers. Doesn't that sound more like it? Humans cannot judge us only God Himself. In my previous blog, I emphasized the point of the Great Artist, our Creator, who has made us perfectly in His image and though we are flawed grace has made us new.

Moving back to what I have been talking about in this blog, that passage in Matthew 5 is an example of what our lives should produce LIGHT that rips away the darkness around us as we confidently walk with Christ. There is no Ten Steps to be a Light book our on the market, it's all a learning process with the end goal beign the Kingdom being brought to the earth. God does not expect perfections but relationship, not following all the rules but love. Doesn't that make your heart feel lighter knowing that the only expectation is to love HIM. Once we love Him, the simplicity of obedience to His call becomes real. There is no struggle because our undaunting faith becomes evident in all areas of our lives. WE are the vessels by grace of a Mighty God. We are chosen to be His Bride, His Love, the one He yearns for. How we should want a deeper experience with Him, so we may be a light in a dark and broken world.

The beauty of an obedient life with trials and temptations ablaze because the enemy finds us all too bright brings great joy to my heart. It makes me realize the magnitude of being in Him at All Times. Being able to step out in faith, have great hope and not be shaken by the unexpected happenings in life but be fully aware of who we are in Christ and who Christ is in us that brings stability in that very thing is wonderful.

Take a moment now and look at your life. I know there are uncountable times where I missed out an opportunity to be the light of Christ because of fear and uncertainty. A lack of faith can overwhelm our lives if we let. Don't. Live a life where risk is something that you do daily because we are called as Christ says in Matthew 28:18, "I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Reach these new disciples all the commands I ahve given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always; even to the end of the age." We must go out and be the light to a dark world so that more may know the glory of the Saving One. Walk out what Christ called the disciples to in Matthew 10:7,-8 "And as you go, preach, saying, 'The Kingdom of heaven is at hand.' Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons. Freely you have received, freely give." We are called to do greater things than even those in the Word of God itself. He has called us to be obedient lovers who are willing to go out and live a life that shines brightly His light. We are merely His vessels not the Healer, the Saving One, etc. for only God Himself is that. We must remember to never take credit for the things that our God has done. Let us humble ourselves for His name's sake.

I don't know if any of you identify with what I am talking about, but I know that I do. I am in the learning process of seeking Him, hearing His voice, and being obedient to the things He calls me to do daily. I pray that you seek the Lord in this as I am. That together we can become brighter, bolder lights for His Kingdom, for His purpose. I love you all.

A Work of Art

With the tip of His pen, the edge of His brush, and His chisel of choice,

The Great Artist creates out of nothing pure beauty.

Through flawed eyes the people who view His work criticize and judge without a second glance.

They see what is in front of them, as their eyes know beauty.

Never thinking to look through His eyes the beauty of His creation,

Even the flaws they see are a type of awestruck gloriousness.

Oh how deceived they are to think their criticisms and judgements matter.

For they themselves were made by the Great Artist, a masterpiece, one of a kind.

He alone can judge His work for if others do no beauty will come out of it.

Their judgment cracks and weathers the beautiful masterpiece called themselves

and eats away just as moths and rust destroy the things of this earth.

The Artist in all His mastery will receive his pieces back to be reshaped, recast, and restored,

so that they too may see the beauty He sees.

As these people, though flawed and human, come to Him with a humbled brokenness,

they too will know what it is like to be seen as beautiful in a world full of judging eyes.

A world that does not know true beauty because the mask of dirt and decay has covered their eyes.

They see no beauty for the darkeness has closed in,

yet the Great Artist calls to His work wanting them to come and be made new.

This is a description of the way we as humans view others around us. We cannot see the beauty He sees because we are trapped in a our self-taught way of beauty, our world-taught way. We do not see the beauty in all people because our shallow flesh does not think the world's so thought "undesired" are beauty. We think we have to meet standards and that others must also, that you have to be a certain height with a certain hairstyle with certain clothes and the perfect weight. LIES! We are who we are and they are who they are. Of course, being healthy is a different subject all together, but we must realize that we must not place standards on others because we do not understand the magnitude of it all.

We must ask God to see through His eyes the beauty of every person we come in contact with that we may love them as God loves us. That we may see past their flaws as He sees past ours.

Get it. Got it. Good. =) Be encouraged to know that no human can place a stamp of approval on who you are. God has already done that and perfected us through grace and mercy. His love refines us and restores us to the masterpiece He has created us to be. We are no perfect by any means but in our Papa's eyes we are beautiful works of art, created by He Himself, the Creator of ALL THINGS!

Love you all. Remember Psalm 139:14, "I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well."

WAKE UP and SMELL HIS PRESENCE

Millions of people all over this nation come to a church on a Sunday morning, night, or any night week and "seek God" in a congregation. Yet they leave the place and nothing happens. The nation continues to decay and people continue to leave this world without even a hint of knowing who the Lord God Almighty is. The Creator of the heavens and the earth. The lover of this world though it's broken and lost. He wants us to know Him, love Him, and shout His name to the nations that all may know Him. Yet, the church today has lost the heart of the matter...to love the Lord with everything, wanting nothing but to love the King of Kings and follow Him willing to lay down his/her life! That's what it's about....KINGDOMMMM! We are called vessels and should be pouring out what He gives us, not sitting with the spirit of religion and being gluttonous of his blessings.

Our lives are great and full of power and goodness when we follow without any reluctance and willing to walk away from everything in radical obedience with one word from the Lord! Is that your life? I know I don't have it down quite yet and I'm still seeking Him to receive healing and find the path He has for me. That path is full of challenges, sacrifice, and love. Know he loves you soo much, so much that he sacrificed the one Son He had that Jesus Christ died so we might live this good and fulfilling life. :) Praise God!!

The church is a body not a business. It's a lifestyle of believers coming together to change the world not just live our lives for ourselves. Churches, the buildings, have become so about that their own interest and not daily revelation of who God is and HIS WILL HIS!!!!!!!! NOT OURS!!! Come on guys get it. American culture is so selfish and me me me is what we cry out instead of "GOD please come be close to us that we may be healed, restored, made whole, full of life, full of light, having a passion for YOUR PURPOSE. Please remove me from myself that I may be your vessel, follow your will, and be YOURS. We are not our own once we have given our heart to you for we are Yours and Yours FOREVER!

I love you all but Get it PLEASE! Wake up! Wake up! He is calling out you, His Beloved, the person He loves more than anything. Every moment you live, HE YEARNS FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!! He wants YOU! YOU!

Be the church, the body of Christ, that we may unite together as one and break down the walls of selfish-ambition and religion in this land. Come on! Lets run together.

"Run as fast as you can. Run till you reach the end. Where the fallen finally win and a new starts over again. Run!"
-Addison Road

Let's go fall deeply in love with Jesus and know him not about him. Talk to him not about him. Walk with him not in our own way. Run!! Awaken your city, the nation, and the world.

The Glory of His Majesty

PREFACE: This is from October. I never got to post it, so here it is.

These days life just seems to be speeding by with no intention of slowing down. In the midst of all this fast paced life and utter chaos is the sweet still presence of my Papa. A couple of weeks ago a few friends and I went to Fall Creek Falls to go camping and while it was an adventure of sorts, the evidence that God is real and alive today was all around me. I could no contain myself as I stared intensely up at the beautiful falls as the sun gleamed on the magnificently turned leaves of the swaying trees. Every person on this earth should see the stars, the rising of the sun, the feeling of the invisible wind, and the mountainous landscape and be able to see the Creator of the Universe in all His Glory.

It seems that in the middle of this crazy country of politics, religious discord, and utter business that every single person would want to walk away from his/her life and want yearn to see the beauty of the wilderness and the solitude that it brings. Our God, Our Creator made this earth that we may dwell in it and gave us dominion. Yes, I am moving to another topic. How the God of the Universe gave man dominion over the universe, giving us a purpose on this earth.

We are CALLED with a PURPOSE to lead lives for GOD, our LOVER!!!! FOR GOD, NOT OURSELVES. So as we wake up in the morning, we must have the mindset that we are vessels of the Lord and that we are to bring change to a dying world. How wonderful and magnificent is it that we are chosen and called for such things. Every single believer who seeks the Lord with all of his/her heart, soul, mind, and spirit is given the purpose of bringing love to His creation. There is not one moment that has gone by over the past few months that I have looked back and not seen that our God is faithful. He wants us to know Him so badly, that seeks us out for His pleasure.

Think about the beauty of His creation, the gloriousness of His magnificence. I pray that the Lord will reveal Himself in a deep and new way. That this year is a year of new beginnings like the Lord has been showing me. Never feel like you have to strive, JUST REST IN HIM!

Lover of My Soul

Lover of my soul

How deeply you move me

Into the depths of who you are.

You have stolen my heart, mind, and soul

Holding them captive in the midst of Your Presence.

My lover, my all

You have shown me the heart and truth of Your nature

That covers me ever so sweetly.

It heals all the heartache and steals all the pain

Giving me freedom to live a new day.

Heart beating wildly, holding me close

I know with my all You will never let me go.

My King and my Saviour

You move in a way

That continually brings me to my knees as I pray

Worshipping, praising, and laying it all

Down at your feet, to your throne I do call.

My new life has begun

So beautifully made.
I am your daughter, a beautiful pearl,

Refined by your hand, nurtured, and loved.

My name is no longer of this world

But is in the name of Your Kingdom.

Mighty as a sword,

I am ready to wield this power and strength

That I alone bear.

The joy in my heart

Breaks chains by Your hand.

The peace I possess

Makes the whole world behold

The beauty of your grace.

The freedom I carry

Sets the saints to praise.

The light in my life

Rips the darkness away.

This poem is something that I wrote quite awhile ago but it still rings true today and forever. My Papa is someone worthy of praise through every medium. He is magnificent and wonderful. I have been long wondering what it truly meant to fall in love with the Lord, give it all away, be his disciple, and carry the light of Jesus. It is all a process of becoming whole in the midst of brokeness, surrendering everything you think you are, everything you truly are, and the entirety of yourself at His feet, willing to do whatever it takes to carry out the name of Jesus in this world. How sweet the love of my Papa is and how gently he cares for me. He does not want any harm to come to me and all he wants is to pour out His goodness on my life and the whole universe.

I just want you to stop and think of who God is to you and who he has made you to be. What that looks like in daily life and what call he has placed in your life. He cares about you more than you can ever know. Just let your Papa love on you whether its been quite some time, a day, a month, an hour, or never. Enjoy Him because he delights in you!

I hope this was enjoyable and in some way, shape, or form relevant to your life.

May the Lord bless and keep you. May the Lord cause His face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you. May he give you peace. =) love you all!