Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Complicated and Tears....Strength and Peace

For some reason I feel like no matter what I do it will never get better. I just want everyone to be happy and content with their lives not wanting to lose or hurt anyone. I am so sorry to those people who I've kept from reaching their goals and getting what they want. I can't please everyone and I don't know what else to do. Why in the world is everything so complicated? It would be so much easier if people wouldn't play with other people's feelings or hurt each other. I don't know what I did to deserve feeling so awful. I feel like I am keeping someone from something but I don't know what to do. Lose a friendship over something temporary or try to work it out. Obviously, its the first one at the moment. I don't get why people complicate situations that aren't that difficult.

I love my friends so much and would do anything for them even if it meant that I might not be happy for awhile. I mean you can't please everyone and I get that but what do you do when your given an ultimatum....stand up for yourself or just walk away.? I would think it would be the first but when your hurting inside all you want to do is walk away. Easy right? NO! It just complicates things and leaves all of those feelings pent up inside you not able to get out....then the bitterness begins to come...who wants that? It sucks. I had let go of all of these feelings and moved on and then the situation comes back like a cannon ball in the stomach. You have no idea where it came from or why but you do know that you need to get rid of it......HOW? Well, thats something that I want to figure out...I want to know how I can feel better about it.....If you have any thoughts let me know.

Actions....our actions are one of the most important things we have. Every moment we live out is an action...how we speak, what we do in a situation, and our reaction to the struggles in life. For instance, today a good friend and I got into a really big fight and almost lost our friendship. I was absolutely crushed and then on top of that I have had a lot with family. All I could do was cry, sit there and cry. I had to let it out...now me and my friend are better and well...God has my family issues. I don't know why I'm rambling....every action impacts someone somehow I think....to an extent. I pray that I have handled these situations correctly but I guess I can only fall to God for pure peace and strength. I think the devil is working double time in me and my friend's life and I think that all we can do is pray and lean on God and each other for support. I guess thats not much about the lesson but I just wanted you to know where I am right now. With all of this I also have to lead tomorrow night at SlowBurn and I am excited but super nervous and I guess doubt is entering my mind about it. Yet another attack. Today is hard and there is added stuff with Nick leaving soon! OH GOODNESS!!! Its just so overwhelming. Why now I ask myself? But I know...Its because I am accomplishing something in my relationship with God. WOW! I guess that's a revelation and therefore I guess my friend is too. Hmm...We should stand strong and let God lead us through this time. Thank you God for your peace which will come with seeking and prayer!

If you ever have a day where everything is going wrong just know its ok to cry and prayer is needed.

Much Love and God Bless

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