Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Peace and God's Hands

Why can't we grasp that everything is in God's hands....we stupidly try and do things ourselves like we are in control. Yes, we have the will to do things but we should lean on God. These past few days I havent been seeking God like I should and I haven't been leaning in to listen.

Yesterday...hm....what can I say...I don't know how else to handle it. I wrote about how all I could do was sit there and cry.....I mean that's not a bad thing but why was I not seeking God at that very moment.

I just want everything to stop for a minute and I want to be alone in a place God and I do not have to talk to anyone else...just me and my God. That is what I plan on doing tonight at Slow Burn. I was told I am selfish and I have been told that I do not care about people and then all of sudden its "okay." No talk no nothing. I mean that solved...hmm..nothing. I wanted to talk but it just didnt seem to work for that person. A test...could this be a test? Possibly. God why can't this all disappear???? Why can't I just be with people who don't even think about hurting me? Why do "your friends" hurt you apologize and do it again? I have no clue...maybe selfish satisfaction....and maybe its just because they don't care. I would hate to think that someone doesnt care for me but it happens. I hate feeling so upset, so angry about something. I pray that God's peace will come over me......DEAR GOD LET ME HAVE YOUR PEACE WHICH PASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING!!!!!!!!!

The most awful thing just happened. Satan attacked me in a way that he hasn't in a long time. He trapped me in the darkness so to speak where only God can get me out of. It was a numbing and painful experience literally...wow! To think I was able to ask for my God, "God God where are you?" It one of those moments when Satan is whispering in your ear..."YOUR ALONE AND GOD IS NOT HERE" I knew that wasn't true because I believe with all heart that Christ is my Saviour and Lord and that Christ is within me not the powers of Satan. Cast out I say in Christ's name.....AMEN!!! Thank God for my amazing friend Lauren and her helping hand...and being brought back into the light by my Daddy. =)

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