Monday, March 16, 2009

Disoriented and Lost

So its been several days since I have written. I have had a lot on my mind and I guess I just haven't spilt it onto a page. I have been pressing in with God or trying but at the same I feel like I am falling apart. Last night Austin Cagle spoke at Sunday PM where we are talking about Finding True East. True East...the path which God has placed before you. He talked about being the wrong direction. He gave the example of a pilot getting one little degree of course and ending up thousands of miles from the destination he set out to get to. It seems like that is what is going on with me. These past few months I have been growing in my relationship with God and then all of sudden just when He is really working in my life Satan comes at me full force. Not only does he come at me but my friends...which pains me because I am in such a bad spot that I cannot even help them it seems. Maybe just being there is good enough and praying for them.

I am one of those people who loves giving advice and listening to whats going on in peoples lives. At this point, I don't think I could give advice to a rock. Its like there is a really big door and I keep knocking and knocking and I am getting nowhere. I feel like all of these obstacles make up this door and each one is a lock on the door....this means there are a lot of them. Its crazy to think that Satan can throw so much in your face at one time and especially when you are seeking God with everything you have. Suck a duck!!!!!!!!!!! Like for real....I cannot even fathom the evil within him. I will continue to press in and seek God...I will not try but I will DO!!!!

I look at one of my friend's and I seek heartbreak written all over her. It hurts me even more to know that my best friend is going through hard times. I mean life isn't perfect and people aren't either. She is one of the most amazing people to ever walk into my life and I hope that God keeps her right next to me. She doesn't need any attacks from Satan and I pray my hardest that God will take away pain, sadness, hurt, doubt, the thought of failing, etc. I think that together we can stand against the Father of Lies and take hold of our lives. We are strong women of God with the will to win the fight which is exactly what God wants us to do.

Clint Thomas prayed for the other night at SlowBurn and God spoke through him which is what I needed. God is amazing and I know that if I can unlock those doors that I will be able to overcome this dark time. Remember when I talked about being broken and how God was breaking me....I got broken, began to seek God, and am not going through a valley where there seems to be no end. I know I am not the only person in this world that is going through this and I do not feel sorry for myself...I just love God with everything I have. The past couple of days I dont feel like I have done that to my best ability. Last night at PM I worshipped harder than I had in a long time and tried my hardest get past all of the thoughts goin on in my head. I really think that Satan was starting to win this weekend because I fell into an old habit and I felt like I failed all of my close friends. I told them about it and prayed that God would forgive me. I knew within my hearts of hearts that it was wrong but I did it anyway....the temptation was strong and I was weak even though I was seeking God.

Well, I guess I'm gonna go to bed since my besties are wanting some sleep....more thoughts later.

Much love and God Bless

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