My Week.

This past week has been a week of pain, sadness, and confusion. It felt like the world was caving in on me. I wanted to figure out why all this was happening to me and deep down inside I knew. I knew that Satan was coming after me full force telling me that I wasn't good enough and all I wanted to do was sit in a hole away from the world and cry. Wow! Horrible solution. So I prayed. and prayed. and prayed. It felt like there was a wall there.

This week two of my close friends found an interest in each other and to me that was a hit bigger than any of the other things going on. Both knew how I felt and I decided within myself that I wasn't okay but I can't stop anything from happening so I gave the go ahead not realizing how hard it was going to be. I talked to one of them who has been one of my really good friends for a long time yesterday and really opened up to what was going on inside my head. I realized that Satan was saying, "He didn't choose you. You are not worth it to him." Well think of how I reacted....I shutdown big time. Not talking or communicating. I just sat there unless a few of my friends were there. I tried to handle it the best I could but what am I supposed to do when I feel like I'm not good enough. I prayed and prayed again trying to press in but it felt like there was a barrier. At Sunday PM I could feel God's presence but I couldn't get past all of Satan's lies that were pouring through my brain. So when I talked to my friend I got a lot of it off my chest and that helped out a lot. I got to really push through some of the things going on.

Now....is the hard task. I must talk to the one person I shut out more than anyone else the whole week. I explained how I felt and I felt that she heard me but didn't understand. I told her I'm not okay and won't be sometimes realize that but know that I am dealing with the situation and that you can go ahead with the feelings you have. ...therefore I think me shutting down wasn't a terrible thing because it was do that or just be angry to everyone...and thats not fair.

I have a lot of praying to do these next weeks to come where I need to start pressing through this wall that I started building up. TIME. That's what it will take. I just feel like this was just one of the billion things Satan was doing. He also lit a match to the problems I was having with my family. He threw gas on the little fire of doubt he already had going in my mind.

I pray that you stay strong with things going on in your life. I haven't cried or been upset like this in forever....to top my week off one of my closest friends left...BACK TO ENGLAND! That kills since he was one person I could let it all loose with....no fronts...not that fronts are good because they aren't.

I don't know if I have handled anything right this week but I hope I have. I pray that God will be with me and work with me.

God Bless and Love to you.