Meg Elizabeth has a lot on her mind...doesn't need to run but find the meaning in it. Ha it was so much easier when i was willing to run away.
Wasn't it so much easier when you were a kid or even a young teenager. Your problems were easier to hide from or even better run from. You didn't think they would affect you or you thought they didn't matter that much.
I was that kid that not only ran from but overanalyzed every problem that came my way. It was my way of dealing. So as you can guess drama followed me everywhere...i could leave the state and it would still come to get me. That being said a lot has changed. Drama is something that at all costs I could love to not have in my life. Also, I think that running is something I've done for to long. I have been told that and can now see how much I cannot express myself to some people. Most people its super easy for me because they are either my best friends or someone that needs some insight on life. Those people who I could possibly get hurt by or could possibly be one of the most important people in my life are the ones I have trouble opening up to....hmm..wonder why?
I either open myself up like a volcano or I shut up and cannot even tell them how I feel. Once I do I become vulnerable something none of us like being. Being vulnerable is like putting your shield down in battle...makes pain/hurt more certain. I guess its gonna be part of our lives whether we like it or not....ha.
I guess being stepped on plenty of times makes you wanna just step back and find a hole to hide in and let silence rule your life or you open yourself up in the wrong ways...thinking that that will bring security when really your doing the first.
I don't know what compelled me to write this except that I am going through the hurt after being vulnerable. God said it would be tough and I see that now. You have to go through that valley to get to that beautiful meadow. I think I must go through this whether I want to or not. I have to move past it and I have to embrace the fact I might have lost something very important to me.
Writing this blog lets me open a side of me that not many people get to see. The side where its not all BUBBLES...ha...how I love to be joyful. I guess going through things in this world makes me wonder how people are okay with being human in this world. How do people think there is satisfaction in this world...destruction more like.
May I serve my God and only my God. The one who created everything around me and placed me where I am today. The one I must lean on at this very moment and the ONLY one that can heal the brokenness. Time does heal...I've discovered. I am better than I was a month or so ago but at the same time just as broken as before. Oh God please help me!
Much Love and God Bless!
1 comment:
Megan, as you know by now I love reading your blogs. You're so honest with what's what in you're life. It kinda seems that maybe if you're an over anylizer does that mean that through thinking about things and dwelling on them a lot you make a bigger deal out of it than necessary? Don't slip into making irrelevant things into problems!
I'm the opposite to you. If there's a problem, I can normally see a way of fixing it. I'm weird like that.
So surely through thinking and pondering on things do you just ponder deeper into the unnecessary or contstruct a solution?
It's hard being so far away and knowing that you're not completely ok!!
One thing I love about your blogs is although they may not always be positive you finish each one lifting your life to god!!! You're such a strong character and awesome person, as in you are in your faith! For someone like you so devoted to following Christ and being a bright light how do you even have any problems? I know right??? Weird thing to say.
I think when you amylose stuff now you should also focus that thinking to all the awesome stuff you do!!!
I've only just realised this week I don't have to focus on trying to be a light and fibd ways to show people Christ 24/7 in big ways because it's what we do anyway!!! Just being ambassorders like we already are we're living in that living water we can't live without.
I think if you could see how insugnificant (I can't spell!!) some things you ponder about are when it comes to it you're turning them into problems when they're not. Maybe they're things you can't control.. Like other people. But people change, grow, mature. If it were constant and the same just when everything is right it wouldn't be any fun!!!
That's just my oppinion and how it seems to me being a reader.
I love you!!
Praying to!!!!
Stay strong Meguin
sorry for the long reply!! Hahaha i'm sure there was a shorter way of saying what I mumbled about!!
Xx
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